Coming out of the Dark

Does anyone remember that Gloria Estefan song?   I think she wrote it when she was in a car accident in her tour bus with all of the miami sound machine and she thought she would never walk again!

I'm pretty sure that is the story.

Well, I was not in a car accident.  My legs are fine.  My crew is all well.

That being said - I have to admit that I feel like I understand her song a little bit after the last month.  There has been a lot of family, friend, work, life crap happening and I have been digging deep to not fold into my mental darkness.  So I have had my head down and I've been pushing through.  I have only been able to focus on one thing at a time and focus on the immediate needs.  Quick run down of the last month - good, bad, bizarre & ugly:

1. I was in an episode of House.  Not really. My stepfather's illness over the last month has felt like that.  His kidneys are failing.  Give him emergency hema-dialysis.  STAT. He's had a minor heart attack.  We think there might be a blood clot.  He's slipping into a coma.  Doctor, we must figure this out.  Blood test. Cat scan. MRI. EKG. ECG. EGG. OMG! Spinal tap. He has bacterial meningitis.  Awake.  Alert.  Damaged.  Alive. Run credits...
2. Amazing weekend at the National Staff Conference for SLTP.  60 people that give me strength, lead by example and love fully.  AWESOME!
3. BFF finished the dissertation.  woo-hoo. 
4. Student sexually assualted.  
5. Student org attempts to fly through Japan after the earthquake and as the nuclear plant begins to melt down.  I say - uh...Wtf?  They proceed to get pissed at me for raining on their parade.  All ends well.  Students realize, perhaps Narita airport was not the best place to be.  
6. Missed 2 Thursdays of karaoke. 
7. Upside of above house episode - got to spend a good chunk of quality time with my niece.  love her. 
8. There have been a few warm days over the last month.  It gives me hope that spring is coming. 
9. I discovered "Just Dance" for Wii and I am addicted.  (I'll write a different blog post about that). 
10. Rebecca Black.  (who will also get her own post)

So yeah, the last month hasn't been all good or all bad - just challenging.  It's good to be back.  :) 

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Chipper people

I am spending this lovely morning at the laundromat.  I like places like laundromats and grocery stores because I find them kind of soothing.  It is my quiet time.  I get a lot of good thinking done while I am doing laundry or shopping for groceries.  I know lots of people hate these tasks but I really enjoy them.

There is also great people watching - particularly at the laundromat.

Well, one of my favorite human interactions is between the person that wants quiet time or isn't a morning person and the SUPER chipper person.  Now, I am pretty alert, awake and ready to go in the morning but I recognize that some people aren't and that they need a few moments to get invested in the day.  I like to smile and joke with them but also give them the internal space they need.  Well, when the SUPER chipper person meets the "I'm not a morning person" person, I know it is going to be good people watching.  This morning provided just such a show.  Super chipper person kept trying to engage and trying to make funnier and funnier jokes (which actually weren't very funny and I find a lot of stuff funny) and Un-morning person was trying to be polite.  It all came to a head when Super Chipper told Un-Morning, "What is wrong with you, why won't you smile." And Un-Morning yelled, "It is 7 in the morning."  Such good people watching.  Super Chipper has moved onto several other people.  And has currently found a conversation partner.

I love people.

Spring may come after all

I usually like the winter.  I prefer the colder temperatures.  The snow doesn't bug me too much.  I could do without below freezing temps, but mostly I like winter.

I have to say though, I have had enough.  I am tired of the cold and the snow.  I am tired of the winter.  I am done.  I want spring.

Tonight at 9:15pm the Ledyard Bank temperature jumbotron said that the temperature was 51 degrees.  Perhaps spring is around the corner.  I am not crazy enough to believe that we won't have one more giant snow storm but I am hoping that spring time is just around the bend.

For now, I'll enjoy an evening where I can walk from the car to the grocery store in just my sweater and scarf and not become hypothermic.

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Update: As I said, I was not crazy enough to believe that it was the end of the winter weather and *sigh* today we are supposed to get a big ole stupid snow storm.  Ah well.  I have heat and boots and all that good stuff, so I can weather one more storm but I a ready for it to be done. 

Better with friends...

Learning is not meant to be a lonely endeavor.  I knew this before but helping the BFF work on the dissertation has cemented that for me.  In order to do your best work you need help. You need people to bolster you and help you talk through things.  You need mirrors to reflect back to you the concepts, thoughts, theories and general ramblings that are going on. 

Like this blog, reflection and thought while often done alone are not meant to be lonesome or kept to oneself.  Learning, thought, depth, ideas, creativity, questions are meant to be shared and expressed and discussed. 

It has been a challenging lesson for me but one I am holding dearly to and working on daily.  Life, learning and love are all meant to be shared - keeping them to yourself is lonely and seems selfish. 

Things that sound dirty but aren't...

I will admit that there are many times that I have the brain of a 12-year old and I find it hilarious when people inadvertently say things that sound dirty but aren't.

I am sitting in Panera working and one of the employees said to the other - "you have to do it with short, fast strokes." 

My brain immediately went "DIRTY" and I laughed in my seat. 

Sick days

I am very lucky.  When I get a freakish stomach ick that comes on overnight and causes me to feel tremendous gastrointestinal discomfort and bone-deep chills, I know several things:

1) I can get warmer.  I have heat.  I have a roof.  I have 8 million blankets that I can crawl under.  I can get warmer.

2) There is medicine or something I will be able to take to either relieve the symptoms or take away whatever obnoxious germ has decided to invade my body.

3) If I get up in the morning, I will be able to send a message to Mr. Bossman and let him know that I am sick and asking to take a day off.  He will not only tell me to take the day off but insist upon it.  He will then cover any necessary meetings.  Additionally, I know that if I came into the office feeling the way I feel right now and looking like I hadn't slept all night because an alien baby was clawing its way out my stomach, that he would insist that I go home and take care of myself.

4) While home, I have access to the internet and a computer, so that I can take care of anything pressing and not feel as though I am getting super behind.

I am a very lucky woman. The above four items is what privilege looks like.  I am grateful for what I have because there are many women and men that don't get to take sick days.  Or if they do, they aren't paid for them.  They don't get to take care of themselves and feel supported in doing so.  I am very lucky, indeed.

Retirement parties

Last night I went to a retirement party for a woman that has worked at the college for 36 years.  First, I find that incredible.  It is amazing to me that anyone stays in one "company" for that long.  I don't usually use names on the blog, but I think that this is important.  

Holly Sateia is incredible.  As an undergrad she pushed me through Dartmouth. She NEVER allowed me to quit and she fought for me tooth and nail.  She wasn't going to allow a system that I didn't understand, didn't recognize and had never encountered to stop me from jumping over every single hurdle there was.  She is a large part of why I graduated on time and mostly in one piece. She has been and I know will continue to be an advocate for all students but especially for those students who have the greatest disadvantages.  She recognizes that treating everyone the same does not mean treating everyone fairly or equitably.  She passionately cares for students and their lives.  She has done everything in her power to make Dartmouth and the world a better place.  I am glad to know her and to have had the tremendous honor of being her student and colleague.   

Dartmouth is not the same without her.