On December 27, 2012 I walked into my first ever Weight Watchers meeting. I was determined to make a change in my life. I was determined to being healthier. WW helps me be mindful of what I eat and makes me think before I mindlessly consume food. I have a long-standing issue with food consumption. I also joined the Upper Valley Aquatic Center. I started waking up every morning at 5am and going to the pool. I started eating more fruits and vegetables. The next week I went to a meeting, and the next week, and the next week.
Now it is 10 weeks later and I feel better. I can feel the difference everyday. My energy level is higher. All of the little aches and pains that were starting to creep up have gone away. I am sleeping better. I feel better about myself - more confident and more alive. I have also lost 38 pounds.
I was feeling good about myself and the progress I had made. I felt like I was learning new routines and new habits. I felt like I was changing my lifestyle.
Today I feel like I was derailed. Today I walked into the doctor's office and was told that I had diabetes. My doctor is being proactive. I am barely over line. This is a preemptive measure designed to help me take care of myself. I understand this.
I also understand that I am already doing the things that will keep my sugar in control and will help me manage this. I am already exercising and eating better. I have already reduced my alcohol intake. I have already reduced my processed sugars and my salt. I am already taking care of my blood pressure.
Knowing this doesn't help me feel better. I feel deeply sad. I feel as though I am a failure. Today I got home and read all the material that they gave me. I knew all the information because I have watched my stepfather deteriorate. I know what diabetes does when it isn't managed. I will take care of myself and keep doing what I am doing. I will tomorrow.
But tonight...tonight I feel sad and I feel grief. Today was a hard day.
Tomorrow is a new beginning.
