Grocery shopping

I love going to the grocery store and shopping.  I like walking up and down the aisle.  I like comparing prices.  I like pushing my cart along.  I like seeing what is on sale.  I can spend hours in the grocery store.

For me, someone that has loads of food issues, I view the grocery store as a place that offers me hundreds and hundreds of opportunities to make good or bad choices.   

The grocery store also reminds me of how very lucky I am to live where I live and have access to the resources available.  Even when I lived in New York, the neighborhood I lived in didn't have a lot of grocery stores.  It was difficult to have access to fresh fruit and vegetables.  I am indeed lucky to be where I am.

Home-Coming

This weekend is homecoming weekend here at Dartmouth.  It is a big deal around here.  A giant wooden bonfire is built in the center of the green and then burnt down as the first-year class runs around it.  It is very Lord of the Flies.  All sorts of alums come back to campus for this weekend.  For some alums it is a tradition that they share with their children.  They watch this fire burn and go to the football game and return to this campus and feel as though they have come home.

This is a strange weekend for me because as an alum the expectation would be that I am enthralled with this tradition and that I am eager and excited to see people that I haven't seen in over 10 years and didn't care all that much about.  Or that I am eager to come "home" to Dartmouth.  It was never true for me.  When I left, I never felt this gravitational pull to return to my alma mater.  In fact, it is still a strange experience for me that I am back here at all.

Working here, this weekend is chaos and hard work.  Our office is responsible for building the giant wooden structure and getting the students organized.  This weekend is also full of worry because sometimes students do stupid things and get into trouble.  There is so much hoopla happening that I worry on big weekends.

What is nice though is that my former students come back and I get to see them.  Our office hosts an alumni reception during this time where we invite our old students back to say hello and catch-up.  I was able to see some of my favorite students.  Students that are doing amazing things with their lives and that are working hard on discovering who they are outside of college and finding their place in this great big world.  They give some of the best hugs and are beautiful reminders of why this work is so important.  These are students that I worked with for years as they navigated through the many land-mines of young adulthood and the craziness of college.  They are wonderful.

All this homecoming discussion has made me think about home and where I feel at home.  It is strange that I actually call the Upper Valley home these days and I don't mean it ironically.  I feel at home here.  I have moved around so much in my life that I don't know if location actually has anything to do with home.  I am at home here because I have been lucky enough to find people that I love and that care about me.  This place is quickly filling with good memories that are replacing the negative ones from my days as a student.  Working here at Dartmouth has allowed me to heal the person I was and find home.

I also have come to realize that I carry home around with me.  Home is curled up with a glass of wine with my BFF.  Home is my mom and my niece and the laughter.   Home is SLTP and the Collis Center.  Home is the satisfaction of a job well done.  Home is karaoke and table one.  Home is all of the joy, laughter, hope, tears and pain of life and a life well-lived. 

A Clean House

I generally find that my house gets messier as my mind gets more cluttered.  My house is now clean!

Clean house = decluttered mind. 

At least in theory.

Regardless, it makes me happy that my house is clean. 

Warm Fuzzies...

Yesterday was a wonderful day of warm fuzzies...

I received an incredible email from a former student.  She has been having some challenges and we spent some time on the phone discussing them.  She sent me a beautiful email.  She said:

I just wanted to thank you again for being in my life and for looking out for me.


There are so many people in my own life that do this for me.  It is lovely and humbling to know that I have an impact on someone else's life.  It is also a bit hard for me to manage.  I get uncomfortable and squirrelly with compliments and thanks.  Yet another thing I am working on being better about.  I am thankful that I can be a part of her life and that she allows me to be a piece of her world.  I feel eternally grateful for my students and the small role I get to play in their lives and the amazing lessons they teach me.

I got to see another SLTP friend.  We had coffee.  We laughed.  We talked.  We cared for each other.  It was another reminder of the amazing connections and heart-lines that are in my life.  These moments of meaningful connections.  Times when we reach out to the people that matter to us and connect.  In those moments are past shared experiences and future anticipated moments and the very precious present.  Sometimes I am amazed at the number of people in my life that I see rarely and yet are so deeply connected to my life and who I am so genuinely happy to see.  These people fill me with love and joy.

Last night I arrived home and checked my mail.  In my mailbox was an envelope from the lovely SH and inside it was full of SLTP-style WARM FUZZIES!  Thank you for the heart-touch.

Pondering...

I haven't posted since Monday night, not because of a lack of joy in my life or even because of a lack of time...I haven't posted because I have been questioning myself.  This is not a new thing for me.

I have been wondering if this blog is a form of dishonesty in my life.  Isn't that ridiculous?  Everything I have posted has been true but I keep wondering am I "looking to hard for joy in my life".  It is one of those moments of me getting in my own way.  Actively seeking joy and happiness has really helped me feel better.  I need to be okay with celebrating the joy because it doesn't mean that I am ignoring the unhappy moments or in a stage of denial but rather it is keeping me from dwelling on those negative moments.

Sometimes I need to just remind myself to get out of my own way...I deserve to have happiness and laughter and joy.  Life includes all the ugly bits but there are so many really beautiful pieces too.

OMG - Jesse Spano

My last post made me think of Jesse Spano from Saved by the Bell because Elizabeth Berkeley was in Showgirls and that made me think of my favorite Jesse Spano scene, in fact my favorite scene from Saved By the Bell.  So I immediately needed to find it on you tube because I immediately needed to see it and enjoy it.  Since I am wide awake, why shouldn't I?



I remember this scene so vividly from my childhood and it was so dramatic.  I remember relating to Jesse Spano way to much.  She always needed to be perfect and get good grades and make it all happen.  I understood.  My friend MdS and I would always re-enact this dramatic scene when things got a bit rough here in our adult loves.  Ah, I loved the over-dramatized acting of 90s teenage drama/comedy.  For some reason this also made me think of 90210 episode where they hold the rally to let Donna graduate.  "Donna Martin graduates!  Donna Martin graduates!"



Ah, they don't make television like they used to....LOL

"Awful" things that I love

Tonight I worked the Ke$ha concert sponsored by our programming board.  Her concert was certainly entertaining.  I don't have a gauge on how talented or not she is based on this concert BUT I do know that I really like her music.  It is completely auto-tuned.  The lyrics are questionable at best.  Stepping back and observing myself singing along to EVERY lyric, I know that I should not enjoy it...and yet, I do.  It is how I feel about a lot of pop music.  I can't really articulate why I like it so much, I just do.  This got me thinking about other "awful" things that I like.  These are things that I have questioned my enjoyment of on many different levels - personally, professionally, culturally, sociologically, societally.  I can articulate the reasons that perhaps enjoying the thing is "wrong" or "strange" yet I love it anyways.  Some of the things I thought of were:

1) Slim Jims & other processed meats - I don't want to know what kind of meat is in these things.  I really like slim jims.  I enjoy Spam.  I have eaten many sandwiches made from "potted ham".  Vienna sausages are delicious.  This could be a remnant left from childhood.  The processed meats were cheap and filling, so we always had some on hand.  Vienna sausages were a cheap stand in for breakfast sausages.  Spam made excellent burgers and a can of potted ham could make a few sandwiches.  While, my financial situation is somewhat better, I have never lost the taste for these processed meats regardless of the nutritional hazards.  I also really enjoy those Macho Man Randy Savage commercials about Slim Jims - "step into a Slim Jim"  - HAHAH



2) The movie Showgirls - I really shouldn't admit this in a public forum but sitting here in my apartment at 2:47am, the idea of the movie Showgirls is cracking me up.  It is absolutely the worst movie ever created but really the best movie for that very reason.  When I was a teenager my friends and I would watch this movie over and over and over again.  Sometimes we would turn off the volume and we would make up our own dialogue.  There are so many ridiculous scenes in the film.  Poor Jesse Spano...this movie ruined her career

3) Trashy romance novels - Love them!  They are predictable and gendered but I love them.  I particularly love the ones set in Regency England.  Give me a naughty lord and a randy duchess and I am hooked.  There is something slightly more subtle about the romance novels set in regency england. I love a good double entendre and these books are full of them.  While equally ridiculous to me it feels like there is a little more subtlety than in contemporary romance novels.

4) Pop culture tv shows - One of my secret desires has always been to be a commentator on one of those pop culture shows.  I wanted to be on any number of the Vh1 shows - "I love the 80s, 90s, 00s....part 1 and part deux! or Greatest One Hit Wonders or Greatest celebrity quotes or Worst celebrity baby names (seriously Pilot Inspektor or Jermajesty).  I wanted to be on these shows and wanted to say snarky comments.  I still do... I would spend endless hours watching the marathons.  Ah, one of the things I truly miss about not having cable television any more.

5) Food Network Challenge shows - I am obsessed with the pastry chef and their ability to design and decorate a cake, sugar sculpture or fruit tower in 8 hours.  I love it.  I am amazed at their talent.  I think they are so creative.  Admittedly, there is a small part of me that also wonders if they will be able to transport their masterpiece from the kitchen to the table without it breaking.  Ah the suspense...the drama....the cake!

We do...

...love you in case you were wondering.

Those were the parting words of my wonderful visitors yesterday.  Dr. J has known me since I was 13 years old.  I was a sad and teased child that worked hard to keep the laughter on my face.  He saw me clearly then and it was one of the first times that someone outside of family cared enough to really ask how I was and to listen to the answer - or to look beyond the surface and see more depth.  Dr. J and the three lovely ladies that came up with him are such incredible lights.  They give awesome hugs.  They are hysterically hilarious.  They share themselves unselfishly.  I am lucky to have them in my life.

I forget sometimes, as Dr. J knows, that people love me.  I think everyone does.  It is easy to think that we are all alone in this world and that no one cares enough to see us clearly.  It isn't true.  Most days I know that I am loved and that I am lucky to have the people in my life that I have.  I have people that fill my heart with joy and help make each day better.  People that care about the world around them and that work tirelessly to make a difference in millions of small ways.  I have people that give the best hugs.  People that call at the right moment as though they heard my heart calling to them.  People that stop and listen to the full answer when they ask "how are you".

I know all of this....sometimes, though, I need to be reminded. Sometimes it is nice to hear the words.

Thank you my lovely friends for reminding me in hundreds of ways that I am loved.  I love you too.

Cold Day/Warm Coffee

This morning is a yucky, gray blah morning.  The kind of morning where all you want to do is curl up in a ball on the sofa wrapped in a warm blanket (or snuggie) and read or watch television or nap (or rotate all three) all day long.

This is that kind of morning.  I am in the office attempting to get some stuff finished.  I get more of the paperwork portion of my job done over the weekend then I could ever accomplish during the work week - too many interruptions, which are way more interesting, pressing and fun then paperwork.  :)

So I am sitting here in my lovely office with a warm cup of coffee and michael buble playing.  Maybe not as good a way to spend a disgusting Sunday as being on the couch, but still pretty good.

Now I'll work until my visitors come.  :)

Visitors!

Yay,  There are SLTP visitors coming to town this week.  The SLTP C-team is coming to visit today.  They are bringing me my staff manual since I haven't been able to get down there to pick it up.  Then later this week another LI will be in the area and we are going to have coffee or lunch or tea or something fabulous.

I like visitors.

Hot air balloons

I wish I had my camera with me this morning.

Floating in a blue sky above a sea of golden trees was a beautiful multiple-colored hot air balloon. It was beautiful.

A mental picture will have to be enough.

Homage to my BFF

In my last entry I noted that i had to work very hard to not make this blog an homage to karaoke, my BFF and glee...

Well, today deserves an homage to my BFF.

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, day...I woke up after barely sleeping in a foul and unhappy mood.  When I am in a bad mood, I get irritable, snappy, grumpy, yucky, and other unfavorable dwarfs (is the plural of dwarf, dwarfs or dwarves?  hmmm..). I can also become a bit weepy.  Some of you may not know this about me because I work very hard to keep this less pleasant side hidden.  I mostly do a good job.  I attempt to avoid hitting innocent bystanders with unsavory pieces of shrapnel (did I use that word correctly?).  So, when I am in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mood...my very dear BFF often bears the brunt of this unfortunate state of my being.  Today was just such a day.  In honor my wonderful BFF, I write this blog entry in homage to him and the wonderful things that make him my BFF...

• he has impromptu dance parties with me
• he sends me hilarious jokes via email
• he lets me cry my eyes out, rant and rave, sit in silence
• he gives the best hugs and knows just how long they need to last to provide maximum hugging impact
• he knows me as well as anyone in the world and knows how I am feeling without me saying anything
• he has the patience of a saint because sometimes it takes me a LONG time to open up about things
• he is never afraid to give me a reality check when I need it and to say the difficult things that need to be said
• he sees all my bruised and damaged pieces and loves me because of those and not in spite of them
• he thinks my jokes are funny
• he loves music as much as I do
• he turns regular seemingly harmless lyrics into dirty lyrics (i find this endlessly entertaining)
• he is kind, caring, trustworthy, brilliant, fabulous
• he enjoys a good martini
• he and I can sit in silence or talk for hours
• he lets me be myself, even when that isn't so pretty
• he can turn a blah day into an incredible one
• he makes me laugh
• he likes to find the answers to things, whether they be profound or mundane (wikipedia & google are our friends)
• he is generous
• he is wonderful

I am so thankful to have him in my life and I could not ask for a better. best friend.

One month check-in (delayed)

Holy Cow!  So I started writing this blog one month ago today.  That seems crazy to me.

So, I am officially checking-in with myself (and you all) about whether I feel like it is meeting my goals and objectives.  I am doing some internal assessment...or reflecting on my reflection.  That could turn into an endless cycle of reflecting there.  But I digress...

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I really digressed and had to save the blog entry and stop writing because I got wrapped up in other things. Then last night I wasn't feeling particularly joyful...lol...so didn't write.  BUT...now I have had some sleep and can more properly reflect on my first month.

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Here are my reflections:
1) I am noticing the things that make me smile or chuckle or feel good more now.  It is way too easy to get sucked into the negative pieces of life.  Don't get me wrong....I'm not a saint and the negative pieces still have major impact in my life and this past month has been full of moments of anger, sadness, anxiety, etc - the whole range of emotions.  That being said

2) what this blog has done is allowed me to let go of those things and revel in the good.  It has even helped me find the good in moments of challenge, instead of focusing on the bad.  I remember this month as a good one, even though there were many moments of "blech".  I remember it that way because this blog helped me take the time to notice and point out the ridiculous and not so ridiculous things in my life.   This has led me

3) to the conclusion that I am extraordinarily boring!  LOL! I will admit that I have had to be careful not to turn this into a blog that pays homage to karaoke, my BFF and Glee.  HAHA.  Looking at the last month of blogs, I noticed that the small things and mostly the ridiculous things have been the things that make me joyful.  So one of the advantages of this blog

4) is a reminder to continue to make time for those things regardless of my schedule or my bad car karma or whatever.  So I make sure I am at karaoke on Thursdays no matter what is going on or how tired I am.  I schedule in time to read and respond to SLTP emails and engage in that dialogue.  My BFF gets time no matter what is happening because time with him is some of my favorite time.  And the Tuesday night GLEE watch is set in stone.  Those things matter and I need to make time.

5) Finally, i  am realizing that joy comes in many forms and feels differently in many situations.  Whether  it is the euphoric happiness of a tremendous moment, the quiet satisfaction of a job well done, the stomachache from shared laughter....or the million other ways it feels.  Joy doesn't come in one package. It has been fun finding it in unexpected places and being able to share those moments.

I don't have any idea who is reading this.  According to the stats on this blog there have been 1,078 views in the last month.  That seems insane.  AND people have been viewing from the US but also Canada, Singapore, the UK and South Africa.  WTF?!  That is insane and strange and cool.  Whoever is reading this (friend or stranger), I appreciate you taking the moment out of your day to browse my thoughts.

Dear Snuggie

Dear Snuggie,

You are an incredible creation.  You are a blanket with arms.  As the weather gets cold, you keep me warm.  I slip my arms into your sleeves.  I curl my legs under the blanket.  I can type and still be completely warm.  So simple...so genius...I can not believe that I didn't think of you myself.  Thank you snuggie for keeping me cozy.  I like you so much I wrote you a haiku.

my snuggie is red
all warm in the cold weather
a blanket with arms

Love,
Liz

P.S.  I know that many people that read this will laugh at you snuggie.  Let them point and let them mock.  You know how wonderful you are and they will also if they just tried it.  Those who laugh would then be warm.

Thankful Mondays

I am thankful for...

• random encounters with friends on the sidewalk
• calendars
• my snuggie (don't judge - I love it.)
• hot water
• remote controls
• tarot cards
• scarves and gloves
• supply store catalogs
• the happiness of my friends
• advil
• H20+ Milk body Lotion

What are you thankful for? 

Do nothing weekend

This weekend I worked for exactly 4.5 hours and did absolutely nothing the rest of the weekend.  I don't often do nothing on a weekend.

By doing nothing I mean that I hung out with my BFF's dogs, I watched episodes of the Gilmore Girls, I cleaned, I checked email....Mostly, I did nothing though.

I don't have do nothing weekends often.  I think I would be bored senseless.

BUT

this weekend it was great and just what was needed.

Unexpected gifts...

Today I walked out my office for the glamorous task of showing a student a closet that needed to be cleaned and resorted.  Once that was done I had a hankering for a chocolate bar, so I stopped in Topside and bought a Hershey's Chocolate bar and a York Peppermint Patty.  I rode the elevator up to the 3rd floor from the basement singing some song that I can't even remember now.  I walked spryly down the hallway and offer JC, our administrative assistant, her choice of candy.  She took the peppermint patty and made a joke about eating it on a lily pad.  I'm not really sure what that was about.  I walk through the office suite, weaving in and out of furniture and turn into my office.  On my office chair is a package.  I open it and inside is the COMPLETE SERIES OF THE GILMORE GIRLS!! You may remember that just days ago I wrote about how I love the series and wanted the series. 

The note attached to the gift simply said "Liz - These are for you - Enjoy!".  There was no name.  No identifying marks.  There was no information!  Naturally I immediately proceeded to interrogate JC about who dropped it off and when and why.  She was like a member of the CIA or some other special ops force trained to not divulge secrets.

I have no idea who sent the package.  I can only assume that it is someone that reads this blog or at least read the blog on Monday.  If you are reading this....thank you.  I don't know why you sent it but it is a lovely gift.  I would really like to know who sent it and be able to thank you more fully, so feel free to reveal your identity.  :)

Seriously,  Thank you very much.  It is a lovely and unexpected gift on a day full of lovely and unexpected moments.

Oh....and I almost forgot...I would also love ONE MILLION DOLLARS!  :)

Happy Boss's Day!

Apparently tomorrow is Boss's Day.


The wonderful people I supervise bought me flowers and gave me a lovely card.  I am lucky indeed.

Jalapeno Cheddar Bagels

with veggie cream cheese from Panera.

Delicious!

They are particularly delicious when they are accompanied by great company (thanks KJG!) and super productive meetings (extra super duper thanks KJG!)

I attend an extraordinary number of meetings every day.  Many of which I think could be shorter or have happened over email.  I always revel in a productive and efficient meeting.

Blogs about babies & God...oh my!

Out of curiosity I started clicking the "next Blog" button to see what other people are writing about.  I have decided that they must group blogs by some unknown system whereby the bloggods have decided that a blog about joy is synonymous with a blog about babies and God.  Every single blog that appeared was about the joys of parenthood or the joys of religion.  I don't understand.  I don't think I have really mentioned children (other than 18-21 year olds that sometimes act like children) or the big wo/man upstairs at all. The sociologist in me automatically sees bigger cultural messages that link the idea of joy to very specific cultural icons.  As though I need to have babies to be joyful.  I love babies.  I think they are cute and hilarious.  I would say that many of them bring me moments of joy.  I am in love with my niece and miss her terribly...BUT...I am not connected to the idea that my life will be less full if I don't have a child of my loins.

I am also amazed at the number of blogs about children, G-O-D or both simultaneously.  I guess blogs are the new family photo album.  It is another thing I don't really understand.  It seems scary to me to keep all your memories in an electronic medium.  Call me old-fashioned but I like paper and tangible items.  I like photo albums and framed pictures.  I like handwritten letters.  I won't buy electronic books because I think there is something wonderful about cracking open a book and turning the physical page of a book.  I like the smell of library books.  I like the yellowing edges of pictures.  I like handwritten journals.

Don't mistake me...I am addicted to the technology of our lives.  Facebook, blogs, digital pictures, itunes, television on my computer...etc.  Those things all make sense to me.  It is hard to remember what life was like before my cell phone and my email access, and for me there was a time before those things.  That being said, I wouldn't give up books and letters and journals and photo albums.   I want to someday have a library where every wall is covered in shelves and shelves of books.  I want to be able to sit there surrounded by words written by so many different people from so many different times and places.  I want to trail my finger along the spines of books and remember the amazing worlds they transported me to.   I want my niece to someday open up a trunk full of my old letters and journals.  I want her to run her hands over the pages that are yellowing.  I want her to see how my handwriting changed over the years.  Should I ever birth or adopt a child, I want them to get handwritten notes from me.  I want them to flip through a baby book full of my thoughts about them and pictures of them.  I want them to hold in their hands a tangible path of their lives.

Maybe it sounds ridiculous...but it is important to me.

I believe…

• …in the power of laughter.
• …that each day begins fresh.
• …that attitude is a choice.
• …in the power of praise to build people’s self-esteem.
• …that one person can make a difference.
• …that my actions, though small, matter and can cause ripples.
• …that in many ways I am linked to the people around me.
• …in moments of pure joy, deep sorrow, and all the spaces in between.
• …that people are part of our lives for a reason and we should choose to learn as much from them as possible.
• …that there are millions more things that I do not understand than things that I do.
• …that there are things bigger than me.
• …that there are things out of my control and things that I will never be able to explain.
• …that the word friend is special and should be used with care and love.
• …in my friends.
• …that the body and mind are linked and both must be taken care of.
• …in shoes and finding the right pair.
• …in the power of the ocean.
• …that I can find my center, if I close my eyes, breathe and listen carefully.
• …that people live up to expectations we have – good or bad.
• …in taking a step back to calm down before confronting someone.
• …that I am much better able to explain things in writing than by speaking.
• …in tears.
• …a good book or movie can hit you in a place that is deep and meaningful and help you understand something true about yourself.
• …in fairy tales, angels, Santa Claus, the Tooth fairy, The Easter Bunny – not because I believe they exist but because I believe in the power and beauty of imagination.
• …in crayons and construction paper.
• …that life would be better as a musical.
• …in the frailty and strength of humanity.
• …that there might be something to astrological signs.
• …in paper cranes.
• …that if I have the ability, then I should respond.
• …that I will make someone an excellent life partner…someday.
• …that there are two kinds of families, the ones you are born into and the ones you make yourself – and that the latter often give you more than the former.
• …in journals.
• …that a good night’s sleep makes the morning brighter.
• …in the power of names.
• …that the first step to building a good environment is smiles and laughter.
• …in writing things down.
• …that every day I am more able to make healthy and wise choices.
• …in the beauty of memories.
• …in making lists.
• …that honesty can be a tool used to harm as well as heal.
• …that eating 12 grapes before midnight on new years eve will bring me good luck.
• …that you can love someone with no expectations, but it is hard work.
• …that I may never have the answers I seek.
• …that in a relationship you should feel more happy than not.
• …that I am a small piece of a very large puzzle.

Bob & Sheri morning show

Every morning I get to listen to the Bob & Sheri show on the radio.  Luckily z97.1 streams live, so I can get ready in the morning and listen to the show.  The back and forth between Bob, Sheri, Todd, Max and everyone else that shows up makes me laugh.  You can often catch me laughing loudly in my apartment as I get ready.  Most days I have meetings once I get to work so I miss the show from 8 until 10. 

Not today!

Today I have taken a vacation day.  I know that many of you are shocked that I am not at work, but I will have you know that I have planned out all of my vacation days for the year and my goal is to actually use them.  

But I digress...being home means that I get to listen to the entire Bob & Sheri show.  Today they are asking people what makes them happy!  I can't believe no one has called and said that listening to this radio show in the morning makes them happy.  

BTW, z97.1 also is the station that plays Throwback Thursdays...my karaoke inspiration.  

Fancy, Gilmore Girls & handwritten letters...

What do those three things have in common? 

1) These things all make me happy.

2) These things all make me think about my dear friend LS that moved away to Boston.  LS is a lovely Georgia peach.  She is hilarious and spunky and absolutely incredible.  I miss her terribly.  Boston isn't very far but somehow I never, ever manage to get down there.  LS was part of the original Karaoke Krew at the Kave! 

This brings me to the first thing on this list.  The song Fancy by Reba McIntire.  I have loved this song for a very long time. I worked very hard to get LS to get up and sing this song at karaoke...and finally she did.  Not only did she sing this song but she yodelled and she auctioned.  It was incredible.  

LS and I also bonded over our love of the television show The Gilmore Girls.  I have watched the entire seven seasons of the show about 4 times.   I really want the series on DVD but doesn't seem like a reasonable thing to spend my money on.  It comes in a lovely carrying case with a handle.  It kind of looks like a barbie clothes case that I vaguely remember having as a small child.  I think I stored my barbies and my GI Joes in it.  I also think that LS and I were both very much in love with Luke Danes (see image).  I know that we both cried when Lorelai sang I Will Always Love You and when they kiss on the season finale I know we both cheered. 


Finally...LS and I have agreed to write handwritten letters to each.  I LOVE snail mail.  I have been working hard on sending letters to friends.  If you want one, send me your address.  There is something so personal about handwritten letters.  It makes me feel more connected to the person I am sending a letter to.  Don't get me wrong.  I adore facebook and gmail and all my other technological gadgets and gizmos, but there is something so beautiful about a handwritten letter.  There is something about the time and care it takes to write the letter and mail it.  I know it isn't instant communication.  I also know that most times I have already communicated with the person I wrote the letter to and have told them everything in the letter.  Still, I take great satisfaction in sitting down and writing my thoughts in the moment.  Please also feel free to send me letters or postcards or small gifts.  I really like mail.  


Ah...LS...thank you for being in my life and for inspiring this joyful post.  Can't wait for our phone date.  

Sentimental value...

I have been lucky enough to have places and people in my life that have changed the direction I was headed and that have helped make me into a better person.  The Collis Center and the people who worked here when I was student helped save me during my college years.  They helped me through very difficult times and made me feel at home in a place where I never felt comfortable.  I am lucky enough to work in this building again and I hope I give back even half of what I received to our current students.  

Football Game

I don't understand football.  I used to watch it when I was younger, 9 or 10, because I was in love with Dan Marino from the Miami Dolphins.  I thought he was "super cute" and "super nice".  Now I think most sports are boring to watch on television.  Most of the time it feels like we are just watching people stand around on a field waiting for something to happen.  My dislike of watching sports on television was a real hit to my friendship with SI. SI LOVES sports.  I also just realized that her initials are SI=Sports Illustrated.  HAHA, I am cracking myself up.  Well, she loves to watch the sports on television and she especially loves football.  We got into a heated debate where I repeatedly stated my opinion about it being BORING!

What I will do is watch live sports.  I like to go to games because even when people are just standing around the field waiting for a ball to come their way, there is lots of other things to watch.  Frankly, I could probably watch college athletics live any time because all the players get so excited and are so invested.  Professional athletics seems so pretentious and the players start to seem very egotistical.

All this to say is that I met SI at a football game this weekend.  I knew when we scored and that is about it. I cheered when everyone else on our side cheered and promptly asked why we were cheering.  SI found it very amusing that I called a flag a "yellow flag" every time it was thrown.  Apparently, in football there are only yellow flags, so there is no need to name the color.  Still I wasn't wrong...the flag is yellow.

It was a beautiful day.  There was some great people watching.  The game was close and tied until the last 4 seconds.  All in all a very enjoyable afternoon.

I took pictures... :)

Good work

I am emotionally wiped-out.

It was a very long and difficult day.  It was a day of student issues that triggered some very unpleasant memories of my own time in college.  My 4 years of college was not easy.  I felt as though I fought every day for my place at the table.  I worked with a student today whose life is very complicated.  The institution has rules that are supposed to work for everyone but they don't and when they run up against a life, a human, a situation that doesn't fit into the neat box that was created they sometimes have a hard time dealing with it.  It was hard not to cry tears of frustration and pain and sadness in front of the student.  It was a moment of remembering to empathize but not put my own experiences and emotions onto him and help guide him to his own path.  The outcome was better than I anticipated but still gut-wrenching and difficult to swallow.

Sometimes I feel like I write these messages and they don't seem like joyful posts at all.  I am writing this blog to help keep me from sliding into the pain and negativity that days like today could create.  I write this blog to remind myself that in the challenge comes satisfaction.  I am writing to keep myself from dwelling on mistakes. I am writing so that I can celebrate myself and all the moments of my life.

I was reminded today and have been reminded repeatedly this week that I am not the woman that I was 10 years ago.  I have grown and changed.  Everyday I learn and I am a little better than I was the day before.  I am moving forward rather than staying in place.  I have choice in my life and each moment is an opportunity to be more of who I want to be.

I did good work today.  It was hard but it was good.  I am glad for the challenge and I am glad that I am at a place where I am learning to praise myself. (Praise makes me VERY uncomfortable)

Now I am going to do laundry, watch television and drink a glass (or two) of wine...

Crisp Fall Air

I have about 4 messages saved in draft form that I haven't completed.  Lest you all think that I have lost my joyfulness, I want to say that I am so glad it is fall.  When my BFF reads this, he will quickly say that he is already tired of the winter.  While I empathize with his dislike of the cold, the autumn is my favorite time of year.  The tree outside my window has beautiful yellow leaves and today the sun is a beautiful shade of blue as though someone took the color sky blue out of the crayola box and colored inside the lines.  There are a just few strands of cottony clouds.  The temperature is perfect sweater weather.  It is a beautiful day.

Here are some pictures from the windows of my office:

Empowering students...

One of the things I love most about working at a college is those moments where students stand up and say something and do it in an articulate and thoughtful way.  Today is one of those days.

There is a lot of discussion about sexual assault on campus right now after an anonymous song went out to women all over campus warning them to be careful of fraternity basements.  One student wrote a wonderful op-ed in today's campus paper in response to the attempts to turn a blind eye, blame the victim or become defensive.  I am proud of this student.

Yesterday students also got together and participated in the You-Are-Loved Chalk Messages event.  It is a small thing, but small things often have unseen but large impact.  Here are the promised picture.

Monday is a day for gratitude...

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues.
-- Cicero 

• the ability to make a difference
• The Office
• email
• messages on my dry erase board
• sharpie pens
• digital cameras
• sidewalk chalk
• post-it notes
• excel spreadsheets
• the many caring people in my life
• choice

What's on your gratitude list? 

Little reminders...

Right at this minute I should be sitting in Marshfield, Massachusetts at a training for SLTP.  I have been having a series of unfortunate car events in the last year or so and today was no exception.  Instead of being there, I am here at home.  I will admit that I was decidedly bummed about missing the meeting.  

I decided that it was time to clean my house from top to bottom.  Clean out the drawers and sort through clothes, etc, etc, etc...

In my cleaning I discovered a book hidden in a pile of books on my nightstand called "On Joy".  It is one of those books full of quotes and bits of wisdom.  I flipped through the book and realized that I had at some point even marked certain quotes or statements.  It was a reminder of the promise I had made to myself about finding joy even when, or especially when, I'm upset or disappointed. 

Sometimes life sends us little reminders....

Here is one of the pieces I had marked:

"Never be ashamed of laughter that is too loud or singing that's too joyful."

I couldn't agree more!

Videos that bring me back into joy...

When I get into my own head a bit deeply, there are some things that snap me out of it.  Due to our incredible technological advances, one of those things is online videos.  

Here is a list of some of my favorites for your enjoyment: 

1) Single Ladies Clown Dancer:  I recognize that laughing may not be the best response, but this video makes me laugh every time I see it. In fact, it makes me laugh when I hear Beyonce's song just thinking about this video.  

2) Total Eclipse of the Heart Literal Version: "I whip my head to the right".  I appreciate people that are really clever and point out the ridiculousness of life.  The original version of this video is insane and doesn't make any sense, so the literal version makes it awesome. 

3). Billy la Bufanda: A former student introduced me to Billy la Bufanda when she was learning spanish in class.  The song is catchy and made us laugh for hours on end.  Listening to it now reminds me of her, which makes me happy, but the song and video itself also crack me up. 

4) Jessica's Daily Affirmations: She is very young but has it all figured out... I can do anything good, yeah, yeah, yeah

5) Poetry Slam - Poetry: Katie Makkai drops serious knowledge!

6) Evolution of Dance: I still do the dances starting at about minute 3:22.

7) Robin Sparkles "Let's Go to the Mall":  Hilarious music video from How I Met Your Mother - Let's go to the mall...Today!

8) "Love" Song - Tom Hall: This is just a warm fuzzy song.  

What snaps you out of your funk?

You are Loved....

One of the things that we will be doing on campus is participating in a program called "You-Are-Loved Chalk Messages Project" on Monday.  One of our student organizations has organized it and we will be chalking messages of belonging and hope on campus.

http://chalkmessages.org/

I am proud of our students for responding to the call to action

Words are powerful. Speak with love.

- LGBTQ individuals are still often made to feel isolated and alone. 

- Anywhere from 25-50% of LGBTQ youth are initially rejected by their families upon coming out.

- An estimated 60% of LGBTQ youth feel unsafe in American schools due to their sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

- An estimated 20-40% of homeless youth in New York City identify as LGBTQ.

- LGBTQ youth are still four to nine times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers. 

- LGBTQ individuals of all ages are at an increased risk for developing symptoms of anxiety and depression from institutionalized discrimination.

Doing something....

I am heartbroken by the suicide of Tyler Clementi.  I am heartbroken by the pain that we cause each other for no reason other than fear.

I started writing this post on Friday.  I got the very first sentence out before I started crying in my office.  I work at a college.  I work with students every single day and feel the depth of their desire to belong and to feel welcome.  A big part of my job is to help find ways to give them connection to each other, to the campus community and to the world at large.  Everyday I see the many little things that we all do to each other that cause such pain.  Most of the time these things are passed off as "jokes".

It isn't funny.

I have been lucky enough to work with an extraordinary program called SLTP - the Student Leadership Training Program - that has been naming this very real and very devastating problem with bullying and hazing for a long time now.  Why does it take death for the rest of the world to wonder, to question, to say something...?  When do we stop hiding ourselves behind the idea that "boys will be boys" or "girls will be girls"?  When do we stop saying that this is a phase or that it will make us stronger?  How many students have to be hurt before we start expecting more from ourselves and standing up for those that feel so beaten down they can't stand up for themselves?

I work on a college campus and need to do something.  I am working with a group of colleagues to start a dialogue, do some training and start reaching out to students.  It is good to feel like we are doing something and I have hope that it may make a difference.  We work on a college campus with students...It is our responsibility to care and to act.

This isn't a post about joy but about action.  I don't know who is reading this but I urge you to act in whatever ways you are able.  Every small thing makes an impact.  Please make yours.

Ellen's message to the world