I'm jumping in

"If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don't want to be." - Dale Carnegie

"The process of becoming unstuck requires tremendous bravery, because basically we are completely changing our way of perceiving reality." - Pema Chodron

"We are all in the process of becoming." - Audre Lorde

I'm jumping back into my blog and I'm not going to wait for the perfect thing to say or the perfect thing to write.  Last year at a conference, my friend Caroline shared the idea that we are all in the process of becoming.  It isn't necessarily a novel concept but it stuck with me and in that moment struck me as profound and what I needed to hear. Over the last month the idea of being in the process of becoming has resonated in a new way and has sent me off into a new journey of taking that process and attempting to approach it more intentionally.  I am terrified of pulling back and diving in and finding the unknown.  I am trying to embrace my imperfections and truly identify what matters to me, who I am, what I believe.  I think that I know the answers to these questions.  

I don't want to let my life pass by thoughtlessly.  I don't want to feed one part of my life and starve other parts of it.  I want to make decisions that are driven by my heart and my mind, that are driven by purpose and intention, that are moving me forward in my becoming and not based on fear of failure or fear of success.  

I have been moving the "restart my blog" line on my get-to list for days now.  I have made countless excuses for not just starting it and today I am stopping those excuses.  I am jumping in... even if the water is cold, the first step is often the hardest.  

I will be posting 3 to 4 times a week on things that I learn, I see, I do in this process.  I have no idea where it will lead, I don't know where I am going, I am becoming along the way. 

Last days, first days

At some point in my life I heard the saying "the end of something is the beginning of something else."  Or something along those lines.  This past Friday was my last day at a job that I have had for 4 wonderful years.  I learned so much during this job at the Collis Center.  I was lucky to work with a staff that was effective, hilarious,  fun, full of integrity, and just wonderful.

Monday is my first day at a new job.  I am excited.  I am terrified.  It is a great job and will be a whole new world for me.  I will be working closely with new colleagues and working on new projects.  I will be learning new things and growing.

There are not words enough to thank the Collis Center staff and the students that I have had the privilege to work with for all they have done for me.  I have been truly blessed to be part of their lives and to have them be part of mine.  I am lucky that while my office is moving just a few doors down, these wonderful people are still very much a part of my life and heart.  They each have left and continue to leave an imprint on who I am.  I was watching episodes of the office and saw the episode of Michael Scott's Last Dundies and the staff of Dunder Mifflin send him off with a song.  It brought tears to my eyes.



Starting the next adventure...Kind of feels like closing my eyes and jumping off a cliff.   Here goes nothing....

What a difference a year can make...

I started this blog a little over a year ago on a quest to find the joy in my life.  I wanted to make sure that I was stopping and noticing all of the wonderful things in my life.  It was an experiment.  This blog was my attempt to hold my self accountable to laughter, fun, delight, pleasure, peace, calm, amusement, wonder, satisfaction, hilarity, ridiculousness, bliss - in a word joy.  It was a challenge for me some days because my natural tendency is to to pull into myself.  It was challenging to get out of my own way and own my emotions and to put my heart out into the world freely and with little restraint.

I haven't written in a few months.  Life has been wonderful.  My summer was outstanding.  I had a great time.  Despite the departure of my dear friends from Hanover, I continued to find the happiness.  I found beauty in every day things.  I spent time with the people that mattered to me.  I did things that I loved and I worked on projects that mattered.

As the school year begins, I find my life changing again.  As usual, change is scary.  I am filled with doubt and questions and concerns.  I'm also excited, intrigued and anxious.  Someone told me today that all change is loss and that we must allow ourselves to mourn the things we are losing but make sure we find space for the new things that we are gaining.

So....as I enter another year of my life, my goal is to use this blog to help me find space for the new things in my life.  To find space for new joys, new adventures and new opportunities to learn.   Life is a highway....

Let the joy commence

Today I was rocked by joy.  

I was working tonight until 1am at an orientation event.  I work at a small liberal arts college and have the dubious responsibility of helping plan social programming for our orientation week.  Tonight was karaoke and a dance party.  I LOVE karaoke.  I enjoy singing it, but more importantly I enjoy watching other people sing it.  I love when people truly love a song and whether they can sing well or not carry a tune, they throw their entire selves into the song.  

Tonight, I watched as student after student sang songs they loved, cheered each other on and danced while their classmates sang.  They supported each other.  They laughed and danced and sang.  

It was beautiful.  

As I walked home from work, I realized that I was smiling and I stopped in my path to pay attention to that feeling.  It was this warm glowy feeling of joy.  I was glad that I noticed it.  I want to remember it.  I am the only person that can notice my joy and let joy embue my life.  So here I am - starting this blog to document my year of joy!