Lovely tulips

On Thursday, I walked into my office and found a box from ProFlowers.  It was lovely tulips.  The note said "Just because you deserve someone doing something nice for you for a change."   There was no signature.  There was no name.  A few years ago, I received an awesome anonymous gift of the Gilmore Girls box set.  It just showed up in my office one day.  I am a lucky girl!

I have no idea who the flowers are from.  I have asked everyone that I can imagine but they have all denied sending them.  They are glorious and bright and lovely.  They make my office very happy and feel full of love and life.  

  Thank you universe for giving me what I need.  Thank you universe for putting people in my life that love me and care for me. Whoever sent the flowers - I sincerely thank you.  The flowers came at the perfect time.  They meant a lot to me and they made me feel feel loved. 

TDOT: My BFF

In case you were wondering what TDOT stands for, allow me to translate.  TDOT = Thirty Days of Thankful.

Day 2: I am thankful for my BFF

I have the best friend imaginable.  I've written about him before here and here.   He makes me laugh.  He calls me out on my bullshit and helps pull me out of the darkness.  The two of us can communicate across a room without talking.  We have an entire jar full of jokes and one word can make us fall on the floor laughing.  It feels like we have known each other our entire lives.

I am extraordinarily lucky to have a friend like him.  Which reminds me of this song from Aladdin.

November is for being Thankful

Those that know me know that I try to be thankful everyday and to share gratitude regularly.  It isn't always easy but I think it is important.  I believe in thank you notes and thankful lists and that life is better when we are able to pause and take in the amazing things in our lives.

So November 1st, not only marks the beginning of the Holiday season and holiday decorations and holiday music (I love Christmas Carols!!), but marks the beginning of my 30 days of thankful posts.

Day 1: I am thankful for  
The Student Leadership Training Program (SLTP).

SLTP has been a part of my life since the summer of 1994.  This summer will mark the 20th year that I have been involved with and impacted by this incredible program.  SLTP was started 25 years ago.  Jim's dream of empowering student leadership continues to thrive today and every day is more and more important.  When I was 13, participating in SLTP was vital to my self-esteem and my development.  This program helped me to realize that I could do more than I ever thought I was capable of doing.  SLTP taught me skills that I use every single day in my life to this day.

My continued involvement in SLTP is an anchor in my life.  It brings me deep satisfaction and I am able to make a difference.  I have been surrounded by people that care deeply about the world and about make this place a better one.  We believe deeply in the power of students to change the world.





I am so thankful for having SLTP in my life. 

Gratitude brings happiness

I just saw this video by SoulPancake about how expressing gratitude leads to increased happiness. I could not agree more!

Sunday Thankful Lists

Sundays are my catch-up days. They are the days when I make lists of things that need to get done. I plan for the coming week. They are days when I take stock before the chaos of the new week begins. They are also days when I try to take some time to reflect.

That said, here is my Sunday Thankful list for today, Sunday September 22.

• Friends that become your family
• game nights
• camera on my phone
• Taco Cornbread pizza
• moleskine notebooks
• dry erase calendars
• coffee
• water
• IOS 7 upgrade (I really like it so far!)
• hugs from friends when you start crying unexpectedly
• 6th grade football
• Coco, my car

MLK & Herman Boone

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. 

Judged not by the color of my skin...

There are lots of quotes floating around to commemorate this day and inspire us to remember MLK and remember his purpose.  The one that most resonates with me is:

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

How absolutely terrifying is that idea?  Being willing to step out on the edge and take that first step without assurance that there is a staircase (or anything really) to catch you.  Trusting in what you believe and following your passion and conviction fearlessly is something to be commended.  Additionally, this quote reminds me that celebrating the legacy of MLK is not the actions of one single day but a life time of steps.  Social justice is a process, a journey, not a destination.  There is always more learning and more work to do.

I was also lucky enough today to have dinner with Herman Boone.  Herman Boone was the coach of the Titans football team that the movie Remember the Titans was based on.  Denzel Washington played him in the movie.  Can you imagine having Denzel Washington play you in a movie?  I mean, that is just height of awesomeness.  Mr. Boone was at Dartmouth to do the keynote address for the MLK celebration.  I was invited along with a few of the students that I work closely with.  It was an incredible experience.  It truly felt like you were in the presence of greatness.  The students were awestruck.  He reminded us that the day and the work wasn't about the man, MLK, but about his vision and that it was our responsibility to ensure that the vision and dream that Martin Luther King so eloquently put forward was continued.  One of the students asked him if he ever wanted to quit because of fear for himself and his family.  Mr. Boone said yes.  He said there were many moments when he wanted to let go and leave it all behind.  He said he worried about his family and still does.  BUT he had to keep going.  He said he fell down many times and got back up.  He said it isn't the number of times that you fall that matters but how many times you get back up.   I truly am thankful that I am in a place in my life where I am given the opportunity to meet such incredible people and to be inspired by their words. 

One person can make a difference.

"It is up to us to make a difference.  It is up to us to care."  -The Jester Has Lost His Jingle

Last days, first days

At some point in my life I heard the saying "the end of something is the beginning of something else."  Or something along those lines.  This past Friday was my last day at a job that I have had for 4 wonderful years.  I learned so much during this job at the Collis Center.  I was lucky to work with a staff that was effective, hilarious,  fun, full of integrity, and just wonderful.

Monday is my first day at a new job.  I am excited.  I am terrified.  It is a great job and will be a whole new world for me.  I will be working closely with new colleagues and working on new projects.  I will be learning new things and growing.

There are not words enough to thank the Collis Center staff and the students that I have had the privilege to work with for all they have done for me.  I have been truly blessed to be part of their lives and to have them be part of mine.  I am lucky that while my office is moving just a few doors down, these wonderful people are still very much a part of my life and heart.  They each have left and continue to leave an imprint on who I am.  I was watching episodes of the office and saw the episode of Michael Scott's Last Dundies and the staff of Dunder Mifflin send him off with a song.  It brought tears to my eyes.



Starting the next adventure...Kind of feels like closing my eyes and jumping off a cliff.   Here goes nothing....

Beautiful day in the neighborhood...

A beautiful day to be thankful.  Today my thankful list includes:

• Students making informed and conscious choices rather than being swept away in the tide.  I have to admit that I am so proud of some of my students right now.  They made the choices that were right for them even when those choices were challenging, unpopular and/or downright uncomfortable. 
• Amazing interns.  I have been blessed to have excellent interns past and present.  I have a deep respect for the abilities of students and for what they can accomplish when given the opportunity.  
• BBQ sauce - it is delicious on most things. 
• Incredible weather.   We have been having the most incredible weather in the last few days.  On days like today I wish that I had a hammock to swing on all day with a great book.  
• Republican debates.  Political views aside, it is a pretty cool experience to have the presidential debates in your own backyard.  It is cool to see students excited about it and engaged in the conversation.  It is awesome to see them debating issues, protesting inequality and just being completely present.  
•   Being able to help students that need it.  I am deeply blessed that I get to be there for students when they need a shoulder to lean on. 
• Having the very best friend anyone in the world could ever ask for.  Just the absolute best.

Love

There are people that love us completely.  They even love the ugly and dark bits.  I am lucky to have some of those people in my life.  They make my life brighter and better and help light the dark times so they are fewer and farther apart.  I am blessed every day to have them in my life.  THANK YOU BFF, LM, JF, Dr. J, TC, DN)

I love my momma!

This is a picture of my mom.  There are lots of pictures I could choose from but this one makes me happy.  This picture was taken at my niece's 5th birthday party.  On that day I was in charge of face painting.  My mom was the first one to sit in the chair and get a lovely ladybug painted on her face.  It is indicative of the way that she lived her life for us as kids.  We didn't have a lot of money but we always had games, laughter,  and music.  She always jumped in with us and played with us.

I love my mom very much.  I feel blessed to be her daughter.  She has taught me so much about how to live and love.

Happy Mother's Day Melissa Agosto-Cruz!  I love you.

PRIDE

This is PRIDE week at Dartmouth.  The students have done a great job putting together a week long series of educational and fun programming.  I am proud of them.  Events like these make me marvel at how far the school has come in so many ways.  When I was a student it was a challenge to celebrate National Coming Out Day.  We certainly didn't have a week long celebration and we didn't hang the flag from the pillars of the Collis Center.

The flag hanging from the pillars is one of the reasons that I love the office/building I work in and why I am so proud of the Bossman.  Three years ago when we put that flag up, there was so much backlash and concern.  He stuck to his guns and said it fit in with out core values as a student center and as a college. Now, it is a staple and LGBTQ students can see public acceptance and celebration of who they are.

Happy Teacher's Day!

Today is National Teacher's Day.

I have been blessed in my life to have wonderful educators in my life that have believed in me, have challenged me, have supported me, have held my hand, have hugged me, have corrected me, have allowed me to make mistakes, have allowed me to excel, have allowed me to grow and have seen me clearly when I couldn't see myself. 

I am tremendously grateful to these educators.  They have been all ages, all areas of my life and both inside and outside of the classroom.  They continue to inspire people everyday.  They continue to give selflessly and put their entire heart into everything they do.  They continue to change the world through the lives they touch. 

Thank you to amazing educators I have had in my life

Mary Leger
Michael Abelon
Melissa Agosto-Cruz
Iraida Colon
Annalisse Santana
Laura Murphy
Jim Fitzgerald
Helen Fitzgerald
Stacey Hurd
Amy Macneill
Brenda Goupee
Holly Sateia
Eric Ramsey
Jeanne Flavin
David Nelson
Ilya Magazanin
Mrs. Woods (12th grade calculus, hated the class but she taught me a lot)
Dr. Edwards
Brittany Perro
Terry Chausse

Work well done

About a month ago, I hurried home because my stepfather was in the hospital.  I was distressed, nothing was quite working the way it should have.  The man that worked the customer service desk at Enterprise, where I was trying to rent a car, was super patient, helpful and just plain great.  So I wrote a letter to the CEO of the company telling them that this guy named Kevin in West Lebanon, NH was awesome.

Yesterday I got a letter from the Vice President of Customer Service thanking me for thanking them. The first paragraph read, "Thank you for taking the time to write your letter.  We are most appreciative of your positive comments.  it is especially valuable to us because generally customers only take the time to call or write when things go badly, not when things are handled well."  I hope Kevin gets a raise or a bonus or a gift card from it.

I was thinking about writing back to them thanking them for thanking me for thanking them - but that seems like a vicious cycle.  LOL

So I truly believe that we should be thanking people for doing things right and celebrating positive work.  It is WAY easier to focus on the negative though and whine and complain.  I'm glad I followed through.

Sick days

I am very lucky.  When I get a freakish stomach ick that comes on overnight and causes me to feel tremendous gastrointestinal discomfort and bone-deep chills, I know several things:

1) I can get warmer.  I have heat.  I have a roof.  I have 8 million blankets that I can crawl under.  I can get warmer.

2) There is medicine or something I will be able to take to either relieve the symptoms or take away whatever obnoxious germ has decided to invade my body.

3) If I get up in the morning, I will be able to send a message to Mr. Bossman and let him know that I am sick and asking to take a day off.  He will not only tell me to take the day off but insist upon it.  He will then cover any necessary meetings.  Additionally, I know that if I came into the office feeling the way I feel right now and looking like I hadn't slept all night because an alien baby was clawing its way out my stomach, that he would insist that I go home and take care of myself.

4) While home, I have access to the internet and a computer, so that I can take care of anything pressing and not feel as though I am getting super behind.

I am a very lucky woman. The above four items is what privilege looks like.  I am grateful for what I have because there are many women and men that don't get to take sick days.  Or if they do, they aren't paid for them.  They don't get to take care of themselves and feel supported in doing so.  I am very lucky, indeed.

Retirement parties

Last night I went to a retirement party for a woman that has worked at the college for 36 years.  First, I find that incredible.  It is amazing to me that anyone stays in one "company" for that long.  I don't usually use names on the blog, but I think that this is important.  

Holly Sateia is incredible.  As an undergrad she pushed me through Dartmouth. She NEVER allowed me to quit and she fought for me tooth and nail.  She wasn't going to allow a system that I didn't understand, didn't recognize and had never encountered to stop me from jumping over every single hurdle there was.  She is a large part of why I graduated on time and mostly in one piece. She has been and I know will continue to be an advocate for all students but especially for those students who have the greatest disadvantages.  She recognizes that treating everyone the same does not mean treating everyone fairly or equitably.  She passionately cares for students and their lives.  She has done everything in her power to make Dartmouth and the world a better place.  I am glad to know her and to have had the tremendous honor of being her student and colleague.   

Dartmouth is not the same without her.

COLD day - WARM snuggie

I know that I have written odes to my snuggie in previous post.  Today as the temperature drops below zero, I am so super grateful for my snuggie, warm blankets, cozy sockies, and heat.

As the temperature drops, I can't help but think about those families that don't have heat, that are struggling this winter.  My family has been in dire straits before and have gone through difficult winters. I am deeply grateful for what I have and hope that I can find ways to help those that need it.

Grateful

At the end of every staff meeting, we end by going around and saying something that each of us is grateful for.  It is sometimes challenging because we get stuck in the task-y pieces of our lives and our jobs.  Yet, taking that few minutes to express my own gratitude and to hear the moments of gratitude from others is important.  It is a part of what makes our office special and what keeps us able to do the good work we do.

I am very grateful to work with the people I do and in an office that continues to remember what is important about our work, continues to have great vision and continues to strive to impact students in important ways.

A very happy Christmas

It was really nice to go home and see my family.  I have missed my mom.  Christmas is a good time at my house because all of the petty squabbling and stuff is put aside.  We have always taken the Christmas holiday as a way to be happy with each other's company and to indulge in small pleasures.  It is something that I am trying to do more often now.

Growing up we never had money but we always had music, laughter and games.  It is the thing that we return to every holiday.  We put aside all the strife and the pain and the struggle and remember the small things that bring us joy and join our family. 

We colored in coloring books with Annalisse.  We played Yahtzee.  We watched Iron Chef America.  We had Jello shots.  We laughed.  We danced around to all types of music.  We ate good food.  We baked.  It was a really wonderful time.

My family is struggling and it makes me sad. I do what I can for them.  I love them dearly.

I am very grateful for having them in my life and for the gift of laughter.  Despite everything going on in the world, in our lives - we always found ways to laugh. 

I was reminded this Christmas of this gift that my mother gave me.  It is something I hold precious and dear to my heart. 

It was a very happy Christmas indeed.

Starting fresh...

The thing that I didn't anticipate in writing this blog is that I was inviting people into my life in a very real way.  I haven't been writing much lately.  Have I been busy? Sure.  I haven't been busy enough that I can't write.

I've been struggling.  I have been having an epic battle between my brain and my heart.  I don't know how to clearly explain what that means.  All I can say is that I sometimes feel things deeply.  I know them in my core but I can't explain why I feel the way that I do. Often, these feelings are in contrast to what my head tells me is the best course of action.  Or in conflict with what my head says is the "rational" thing to do.  It is the moment when the thing that my brain or people around me are telling me is the best course of action is the very thing that makes me feel bad or sick to stomach or just a little bit not right.  It isn't easy to listen to my heart over my brain.  Or to find the balance between brain and heart.

Sometimes I momentarily misplace my internal compass and I am left struggling to find my way back to myself.  Sometimes these life detours are brief.  Like this one.  They last for a few days or a couple of weeks.  Sometimes they are longer - a month or two or more.  Longer ones can often be dark times for me.  All this to say that usually when it happens, people may notice that my demeanor has changed slightly or I don't laugh quite as quickly but I am able to fake it pretty well (except from Dr. J or my BFF who can see right through any facade).  Well with this blog, people have noticed that I haven't been writing as much and that has led them to be concerned and ask me if I am okay, etc.

This realization that people are "following" me and are involved in my life in any way remotely is strange.  I write the blog for myself but sharing myself in public is not something I do.  I think most people would describe me as outgoing, bubbly, etc... I can certainly be gregarious and loud and boisterous... Yet, it is work for me.  I love a good laugh.  I can engage as needed.  I wouldn't label myself an extrovert though.  Sharing myself is hard work.  Social settings can be draining for me, especially if I'm not hiding behind a mask.  So the public nature of this blog, the fact that people know when I am and am not posting is daunting.  It is an important step for me.

Dr. J recently wrote a "wednesday visit" about asking for help.  This is a skill that has always been a challenge for me.  It starts with being able to share yourself in even the smallest ways with those around you.  It starts with being genuine in our interactions.  So this blog for me is part of the process of me sharing myself with the world and most importantly sharing myself with myself.  That sounds crazy but when I stop fooling myself then I am able to connect with the world more fully. 

So, to anyone that is reading this that has asked me how I am...I have been struggling but I can see things clearer again.  I have found the arrow on my heart-compass and it is pointing due north again.  Every day is a fresh start and another chance to live better than the day before.

Thank you to my dear friends.  Thank you to all that have asked how I am doing and waited long enough to hear the real answer.  Thank you BFF.  

I am lucky indeed.

Holiday Shindigs

I am so lucky to work with the people that I work with.  I just got home from our annual office holiday potluck and it was so much fun.

I don't know how I got so lucky to work with people that are funny, caring, and dedicated to our work.

I know I haven't posted in awhile.  It has been a very busy December.  And it has been emotionally draining.  It isn't that I haven't been having joyful moments and lots of great times - but that I haven't been reflecting on it.  I lost my way for a little while in the joy quest and the desire to live an intentionally joyful life.

Living from the heart is so much harder than living from brain sometimes...Living in joy is living from my heart and I need to keep remembering that.

Luckily I work with amazing people that remind me of what is important both day-to-day in my office and through SLTP.  I am so blessed.