LiBloWriMo = FAIL

Wow, so my goal to write everyday in November was a total bust.  In all honestly, it has been a challenging month in general.  I've been wallowing in my own head and full of doubt, sadness, concern, loneliness, confusion, etc.

Sounds like a blast, doesn't it?  I think the amazing author at hyperbole and a half describes the feeling perfectly in her most recent post.

I did do some productive things this month that needed to be done.

1. I made an appointment with a doctor and had a physical exam.  This may seem routine but I really DISLIKE going to doctors.  I have had a slew of unpleasant and borderline hateful experiences in the doctor's office.  So, what do I do?  I avoid, avoid, avoid.  Not a good idea.  I do not suggest it.  I finally went to the doctor and I had a great experience.  I think it was such a great experience because I had an appointment with a nurse practitioner rather than a doctor.  They are generally so much more humane in their treatment of people.  I set up some goals with the doctor and have another 
2. I went to the dentist.  I actually like going to the dentist.  I mean, I don't enjoy getting my teeth cleaned but I like having clean teeth afterwards.  I have just gotten really bad about attending to my dental needs in the last few years.   
3. I took care of some other miscellaneous things.   I can't remember what they were but I remember feeling productive and like I accomplished something. 

November was a fleeting month.  I spent most of it either sad or angry.  I'm digging out of it.  The first step was going back to karaoke.  That sounds insane, doesn't it?  It is true.  Karaoke makes me feel good and it takes my mind off of work and other things.  It is a purely selfish act.  I do it because I love it.  It had lost some of its glitter since JH left but I think it was associated with so many people that I truly loved leaving.

I made some health decisions.  Watching my stepfather get sick over and over again is a reality check for me.  I know that I can't keep illness at bay but I can take better care of myself.  Thus the above mentioned doctor's appointments.  Baby steps on this front.  I'm trying to develop habits and not quick fixes.  I have been down this road before and when I try to change too much at one time I end up beating myself up and feeling like a failure.  I need to hold my perfectionist tendencies at bay on this one.  So far (1) no eating after 9pm; (2) Limited soda consumption; and (3) drinking more water. Those are going really well so far.  Next on the list (1) more fruits & veggies; (2) protein at every meal; and (3) reduce refined carbs.

I made some life decisions.  Choice is an important thing. 

November...working on ending the month on a high note.

Pumpkin Carving Talent

Not mine.  I am actually kind of terrified to carve a pumpkin.  I feel pretty certain that I would chop my fingers off.  For that reason I really appreciate other talented people.  I particularly appreciate when students honor a place that is near and dear to my heart like the Collis Center.  I think these pumpkins are awesome! :)

I know these guys

Just sayin'

This is Halloween!!

Today was Halloween. I didn't dress up. I didn't trick or treat. I did eat some delicious sugar cookies in the shape of pumpkins, bats and cats that a colleague baked and brought into the office. Yum - those were delicious.

Mostly, I had the song "This is Halloweeen" from Nightmare Before Christmas playing on repeat in my head.  I really wanted to watch the movie tonight but I don't own it and no one was showing it on television.  The question remains, is it a Christmas movie or a Halloween movie?  The fact that Tim Burton was the director lends itself toward being a halloween movie, but there are a tremendous number of Christmas references.  I like the idea of it as a Christmas movie because it isn't quite as sticky sweet as so many other holiday movies.  Regardless...this is HALLOWEEN!!!



That said, there is this crazy person somewhere in the US that does these elaborate light displays for Halloween.  (see below).  It is pretty insane.  I can't imagine being their neighbor.  I also can't imagine what the electric bill is or how much time it takes to program such an insane display.  Regardless or what I can and cannot imagine - I love this video.  I think it is super awesome and fun and it makes me smile.  Thank you person (or people) with a house and lights and the ability to program lights to sound.



THIS IS HALLOWEEN!!!!

Forever Lazy

Here in this space I have written haiku's to my snuggie.  I have pointed out the absurdity of the peekaroo.

Now, I am pleased to bring you the incredible Forever Lazy.  This newest in warmth generating products was brought to my attention by the lovely JF.  She knows how much I adore the snuggie but I believe she threatened to disown me if I chose to wear one of these.  While the commercial is true - heat is expensive and I am often frustrated by my too long and too short blankets.  I hate to wrestle with them.  That said, I assured her that until there were feet attached to such an object I would continue to protest the Forever Lazy.  Having to put on a pair of socks is in violation of the Forever Lazy product name.  I am TOO lazy to put on socks in addition to my forever lazy.  And I must wear socks because I am clearly too cold for any other product.  Come on, Forever Lazy, get it together.  I want to be as lazy as possible, attach the socks!!!

LiBloWriMo

That's right, I declare it LiBloWriMo - Liz's Blog Writing Month. 

While I am impressed by those people that are able to commit to NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), I am not one of those people.  I toyed with the idea this afternoon.  I thought, "I can write a novel."  "Why shouldn't I write a novel?"  "I can commit to writing 300 pages in a month!"As I convinced myself that I could and indeed I wanted to write a novel, I tried to figure out what my novel would be about.  I could not come up with anything remotely interesting.  I mean, seriously, I was bored just thinking about my novel ideas.  Then I came to the real truth....why would I be able to write a novel in a month if I could not keep up my blog for 30 continuous days.  Plus, while I know that other people read this, mostly this blog just needs to be interesting and hilarious and meaningful to me. 

So all that to said, I am going to commit to writing on the blog everyday for the next 31 days.  This is a purely personal endeavor.  November gets gray and cold and I need to focus on joy really purposefully.  I must make a promise to myself that I will do this.  And there it is - I promise to write for the next 31 days.  LiBloWriMo!!!!

I urge you to take your own challenge.  Journal everyday for the next 31 days.  Take 5 minutes everyday to meditate.  Draw everyday.  Whatever medium you choose, declare it your own personal 31 days!

LiBloWriMo here I come.

Cee-Lo Green

A little less than a year ago I posted about the beauty of a good "f-bomb".  Sometimes it is needed and it is the only word that truly expresses how I feel about life.  Today, I was reviewing old messages and facebook things and ran across a link that made me happy last January and makes me happy today. 

Last days, first days

At some point in my life I heard the saying "the end of something is the beginning of something else."  Or something along those lines.  This past Friday was my last day at a job that I have had for 4 wonderful years.  I learned so much during this job at the Collis Center.  I was lucky to work with a staff that was effective, hilarious,  fun, full of integrity, and just wonderful.

Monday is my first day at a new job.  I am excited.  I am terrified.  It is a great job and will be a whole new world for me.  I will be working closely with new colleagues and working on new projects.  I will be learning new things and growing.

There are not words enough to thank the Collis Center staff and the students that I have had the privilege to work with for all they have done for me.  I have been truly blessed to be part of their lives and to have them be part of mine.  I am lucky that while my office is moving just a few doors down, these wonderful people are still very much a part of my life and heart.  They each have left and continue to leave an imprint on who I am.  I was watching episodes of the office and saw the episode of Michael Scott's Last Dundies and the staff of Dunder Mifflin send him off with a song.  It brought tears to my eyes.



Starting the next adventure...Kind of feels like closing my eyes and jumping off a cliff.   Here goes nothing....

Beautiful day in the neighborhood...

A beautiful day to be thankful.  Today my thankful list includes:

• Students making informed and conscious choices rather than being swept away in the tide.  I have to admit that I am so proud of some of my students right now.  They made the choices that were right for them even when those choices were challenging, unpopular and/or downright uncomfortable. 
• Amazing interns.  I have been blessed to have excellent interns past and present.  I have a deep respect for the abilities of students and for what they can accomplish when given the opportunity.  
• BBQ sauce - it is delicious on most things. 
• Incredible weather.   We have been having the most incredible weather in the last few days.  On days like today I wish that I had a hammock to swing on all day with a great book.  
• Republican debates.  Political views aside, it is a pretty cool experience to have the presidential debates in your own backyard.  It is cool to see students excited about it and engaged in the conversation.  It is awesome to see them debating issues, protesting inequality and just being completely present.  
•   Being able to help students that need it.  I am deeply blessed that I get to be there for students when they need a shoulder to lean on. 
• Having the very best friend anyone in the world could ever ask for.  Just the absolute best.

What a difference a year can make...

I started this blog a little over a year ago on a quest to find the joy in my life.  I wanted to make sure that I was stopping and noticing all of the wonderful things in my life.  It was an experiment.  This blog was my attempt to hold my self accountable to laughter, fun, delight, pleasure, peace, calm, amusement, wonder, satisfaction, hilarity, ridiculousness, bliss - in a word joy.  It was a challenge for me some days because my natural tendency is to to pull into myself.  It was challenging to get out of my own way and own my emotions and to put my heart out into the world freely and with little restraint.

I haven't written in a few months.  Life has been wonderful.  My summer was outstanding.  I had a great time.  Despite the departure of my dear friends from Hanover, I continued to find the happiness.  I found beauty in every day things.  I spent time with the people that mattered to me.  I did things that I loved and I worked on projects that mattered.

As the school year begins, I find my life changing again.  As usual, change is scary.  I am filled with doubt and questions and concerns.  I'm also excited, intrigued and anxious.  Someone told me today that all change is loss and that we must allow ourselves to mourn the things we are losing but make sure we find space for the new things that we are gaining.

So....as I enter another year of my life, my goal is to use this blog to help me find space for the new things in my life.  To find space for new joys, new adventures and new opportunities to learn.   Life is a highway....

Nerd Alert: Battlestar Gallactica

Yeah, so I am officially hooked on Battlestar Gallactica.  What the frack!

I have been staying with the BFF while my apartment gets ready and we have spent the last two days watching episode after episode. I'm completely addicted.  The cylons and the humans.  The interpersonal drama.  It is riveting.  Totally good television.

OMG - Watching this hurts

Watching this video hurt me.  I just have no words.  I just saw this clip on a television show on E! and it is from America's Got Talent.  I just have no words

Tchubibaron and the Honey Badger

Two videos that have recently made me laugh.

First is a group of men (attractive men) doing what appears to be the Brazilian version of the Macarena.  I think the dance makes me laugh.  I think the huge smiles that are on the guys' faces make me chuckle.  The jokes that my friends and I have told about this video is ultimately what makes this video the absolute best.



BFF and I have been laughing about this second video for two days now.  The Honey Badger  is kind of  a crazy animal.  Honey Badger don't care.  Honey Badger is naasty!

Moving

I have moved out of my apartment.  Moving takes a long time.  It is exhausting.  It is tedious.  It made my body feel sore.  It never seems to end....

That said...Here are some of the things I have really enjoyed about the moving process.

1. The opportunity to sort and purge.  I was able to go through all my old documents and pictures and boxes and all kinds of stuff.  I got to throw things away that needed to get thrown out.  I also got the chance to reflect and think about the last few years.  It is amazing how much stuff can accumulate in the secret corners of your apartment.  
2. Good people that help you move! I am lucky enough to call some young recent alums friend and They help me move.  Their energy and good humor remind me that I am 10 years older than them.  haha.  I am so very thankful for the help of AV, MA, AB, CN & GC.   JC brought me home after I dropped off the Uhaul.  BFF started and ended the day.  He took me to pick up the uhaul and he came to help me finish the final cleaning push as I was running out of steam.  
3. Anticipation.  The anticipation and excitement of a new place to live is very exciting.  Figuring out how everything will fit and what it will look like is exciting.  

I'm in a temporary holding pattern for the moment until my apartment is ready. I'm looking forward to having people over for a dinner or game night. 

Birthdays

I love them.  I think that birthdays are important things.  I believe that they should be celebrated.  I feel deeply grateful that the people I love are in my life and that they were born in this world.

A friend of mine doesn't wish people happy birthday.  Instead she wishes them a Happy New Year.  Isn't that great?  I love that idea.  Birthdays really do mark the beginning of a new year for us.  They are a great moment to pause and reflect on the past year and set goals for the new year.

My birthday happens to also fall on the last day of the fiscal year.  This year this timing has created a strange juxtaposition of things for me because my birthday marks the last day of work for some people that are important to me.  More than many years in the past, my birthday feels like a marker of change for me life for some reason.

I am both terrified and excited about the next year.  I think that it has the potential to be really incredible.  I have big plans and hopes.  Bring on the new year!

Birthday Karaoke!

Greatest birthday night ever.  I had so much fun.  I laughed so much.  I have incredible friends.  I am so happy.  It was a perfect way to kick off my birthday!

"I miss you Big"

Tonight my BFF amazed me by rocking out to Puff Daddy's "I'll Be Missing You".  He knew every lyric and pause and nuance.  It was pretty impressive.  It was also absolutely hilarious.  I mean, my BFF is not someone that I expected to bust out Puff Daddy (P. Diddy, Diddy, Sean Combs - whatever name you know him by).  For some reason, toward the end of the song when my BFF in perfect time with Puff says "I'll miss you big", I just started laughing so hard.

Laughing at the smallest things.  Finding the ridiculous.  Sharing moments of hilarity.  Those are the things that my BFF and I do best.

Celebrity Sightings

My friend NH and her husband are having a debate about whether some man sitting across from them is Morgan Freeman or not. It is remarkably easy to believe you see someone that is not that someone.  I recently had a similar issue.

I was in Ogunquit with the BFF.  We were upstairs at the piano bar at The Front Porch and I swore that Richard Gere was sitting at the table next to us.  I tell BFF this and he humors me as all good BFFs should but he does not believe it is Richard Gere.  Our friend BG arrives and also does not believe it is Richard Gere.  I am 95% sure it is and I declare it so.  So my BFF goes up to this man and asks him.  While he does not deny that he is Richard Gere is does not confirm it.  All he says is that he is flattered.  Now, this man has an accent.  Richard Gere is from Philadelphia.  I recognize that at this point I should admit that perhaps this man is not Gere but my brain is so addled by the celebrity sighting that his lack of direct denial turns into even greater certainty on my part that the man we are looking at is indeed the star of Pretty Woman and other such films.

BFF and I leave to go see the Chris Francis show but later find out from BG that he was indeed NOT Mr. Gere.  He was Charles Shaughnessy, the man that played Mr. Sheffield on The Nanny with Fran Drescher.  Well, that explains the accent.

Still counts as a celebrity sighting and someday when I hear on the television that Mr. Gere has passed, I may tell the story a bit differently.

Okay, so on side by side examination I can see that they don't look exactly alike but I think there are some similarities and I think I can be forgiven for believing that Mr. Sheffield was Richard Gere.

Summer of Joy

It has been nine months since I started writing in this blog.  In the last few months, my commitment has waned.  I've been trying to figure it out.

I know objectively that there have been great moments of joy over the last few months.  I know there have been things that I have found hilarious, amusing, ironic, confounding, confuddling, bemusing and other such words.  I know that these have been things that I would gladly share with the world at large and yet...I haven't been able to find the words.  I have pushed through in moments and posted.  I have made myself share.  Those brief moments have been rewarding but fleeting.

I am on vacation this week.  I have made a really conscious effort to not work.  My email is piling up and I am not responding to it.  There are calls on my voicemail that I am not listening too.  I have been doing a lot of reflecting, thinking, processing, debriefing, wondering, pondering and other such words.  I think I have allowed other people's toxicity to infect me.  I have lost sight of some of the things I believe to be true.  I have allowed way to much negativity to get up in my grill.

No more.

The next three months are my summer of joy.  I reclaim my time and my attitude.  I reclaim my joy.  I reclaim the things that I can control and release those things that I can't.

Let's make the next three months count!

Flash Mob

It was a good day at work.  Part of the reason why is the below video.  Enjoy today's flash mob in Collis.

Students make me proud

There are so many time when the students that I work for make me so very proud.  In the last few days the students on campus have been standing up and making a difference.  They have been speaking their mind and doing what is right.  These students that stood up for civil behavior on campus.  I am so proud to know Dani Levin.  She is a strong, thoughtful, passionate and compassionate woman. 

The below clip was created by students and speaks to the culture that is prevailing at Dartmouth around drinking & sexual assault.  Neither is a happy topic or one that brings joy, but the students that say what they need to say for the right in any number of mediums do bring me joy and make me proud.

Celebration of Friday

Today is Friday. Thank goodness. I'm tired. I'm a bit cranky. I am glad that it is Friday!

Enjoy my Friday video round-up.

Rebecca Black's New Classic - Friday



Glee covers Rebecca Black's Friday (sad that the video isn't available on youtube)



The original Friday the 13th trailer (watch at your own risk!!!!)



Friday trailer featuring Ice Cube

Love

There are people that love us completely.  They even love the ugly and dark bits.  I am lucky to have some of those people in my life.  They make my life brighter and better and help light the dark times so they are fewer and farther apart.  I am blessed every day to have them in my life.  THANK YOU BFF, LM, JF, Dr. J, TC, DN)

Beef!

Um....so I love beef jerky.  I don't know why.  I just do.  Salty, beefy, yumminess. 

I will admit that there is something that feels wrong about liking it so much and yet I can't seem to stop.  I  do tell myself that as far as snacks go, there are worse.  Lots of protein, low carbs.  Sure there is plenty of sodium but ultimately not awful - at least not awful by my standards.  I do wonder why I feel like I can eat beef jerky without any concern but the thought of eating dog food or dog snacks makes me sick to my stomach.  I mean, what is the difference between beef jerky and a doggy snausage.  No ideas. 

That just made me think of the snausages commercial...



Which made me think of the "bacon" commercial



And this of course made me think of "Where's the Beef"

Pow-wow

Went to the 39th Annual Pow-wow at Dartmouth today on the Green. It was awesome as usual. Here are some pictures. Enjoy!

I love my momma!

This is a picture of my mom.  There are lots of pictures I could choose from but this one makes me happy.  This picture was taken at my niece's 5th birthday party.  On that day I was in charge of face painting.  My mom was the first one to sit in the chair and get a lovely ladybug painted on her face.  It is indicative of the way that she lived her life for us as kids.  We didn't have a lot of money but we always had games, laughter,  and music.  She always jumped in with us and played with us.

I love my mom very much.  I feel blessed to be her daughter.  She has taught me so much about how to live and love.

Happy Mother's Day Melissa Agosto-Cruz!  I love you.

Dancing Phalanges

I have been rewatching the multiple seasons of Bones.  I love this show.  This is one of my favorite scenes.

Old Friends

My second trip down memory lane of the day was brought to me by gchat.

A friend of mine from high school DW found me today on google.  He and I have been friends for about 20 years.  We were an unlikely pair in high school.  People often wondered why were we friends.  He had a reputation for being kind of cold, aloof and generally unpleasant, whereas, I was generally viewed as joyful, pleasant and kind.  People had both of us a little bit wrong.  Regardless of other people's opinions we were very close friends and remain close today, even though we don't talk often.

It was great to catch up with him today. We have both had a lot of changes in our lives lately.  This year for the first year ever, I missed his birthday.  I apologized but he did point out that when we were younger he forgot my birthday all the time and we saw each other everyday and lived less than 1/2 a mile away from each.  VERY TRUE.  So I feel less guilty about missing the birthday.

It was great to chat with him.  I didn't realize that I missed some of the connection to who I was when I was younger until today.   I don't want to be the girl I was at 16.  I don't want to repeat that time in my life.  Yet, there is something special about connecting to people who knew you back when.  People that remember ridiculous stories.  People that remember where you came from and how you got to where you are today.

I don't have a lot of people that I call FRIENDS from high school or college.  Those that fall in the category tend to be people that despite days, months, years of lack of conversation we can pick up where we left off without an issue.  They know my family and I know theirs.

Thanks gchat - for connecting me to people that know me and love me.

Medium French Vanilla Ice Coffee - Light & Sweet

From Dunkin Donuts.  Love them!

Today I had my first iced coffee of 2011.  It is funny how things like that can bring back all kinds of memories.   Whenever I drink a Dunkins iced coffee I think about high school and my dear friend LB (although, I guess she is LM now).  We would spend hours and hours in the Dunkin Donuts near my house.  It was open 24 hours and we would hang out there at night and play cards.  Don't judge...lol.  We weren't wild and crazy kids.  Drinking caffeine at 11pm was our big adventure.  LM would smoke a cigarette but freak out and put them out whenever she saw someone that we knew.  Man, we were young.  We used to have such a great time.

Today's trip down memory lane brought to you by Dunkin Donuts. :)

Happy Birthday JH!

Today is my dear friend JH's birthday.  I don't think he reads this but regardless it is a reason to celebrate. 

Reasons I like JH:

1. He always tries to find the positive in every situation. 
2. He is one of the most hard-working people I know. 
3. He has depth that many people do not get to see.
4. He only eats beige foods. 
5. He has clear boundaries. 
6. He is generous and caring. 
7. He loves to work with students.
8. He is super funny. 
9. He makes "that's what s/he said" jokes all the time. 
10. He comes to karaoke.

Happy Birthday JH!  You Rock!

PRIDE

This is PRIDE week at Dartmouth.  The students have done a great job putting together a week long series of educational and fun programming.  I am proud of them.  Events like these make me marvel at how far the school has come in so many ways.  When I was a student it was a challenge to celebrate National Coming Out Day.  We certainly didn't have a week long celebration and we didn't hang the flag from the pillars of the Collis Center.

The flag hanging from the pillars is one of the reasons that I love the office/building I work in and why I am so proud of the Bossman.  Three years ago when we put that flag up, there was so much backlash and concern.  He stuck to his guns and said it fit in with out core values as a student center and as a college. Now, it is a staple and LGBTQ students can see public acceptance and celebration of who they are.

The Walk

I have grown to like the walk from my BFF's place back to my house.  It gives me time to think.  Sometimes you need a little time to think.  It is amazing.  In the 15 minutes it takes me to walk from one place to another I can change moods so dramatically.  I can really get a chance to go inside my own head and get really worked up about something.  Or I get a chance to calm myself down about something.  Either way, lots of quality emotional time.

Tonight I walked home and it was a beautiful night.  I was feeling a bit melancholy.  In that 15 minutes, I managed to get out of my own head and enjoy the breeze and the fresh air.  I enjoyed my ability to move and walk.  I enjoyed the fact that I wasn't breathing heavy.  I enjoyed that I was thinking about all those things.

It is a good walk.

Ask me again when it is raining or freezing.  :)

Happy Teacher's Day!

Today is National Teacher's Day.

I have been blessed in my life to have wonderful educators in my life that have believed in me, have challenged me, have supported me, have held my hand, have hugged me, have corrected me, have allowed me to make mistakes, have allowed me to excel, have allowed me to grow and have seen me clearly when I couldn't see myself. 

I am tremendously grateful to these educators.  They have been all ages, all areas of my life and both inside and outside of the classroom.  They continue to inspire people everyday.  They continue to give selflessly and put their entire heart into everything they do.  They continue to change the world through the lives they touch. 

Thank you to amazing educators I have had in my life

Mary Leger
Michael Abelon
Melissa Agosto-Cruz
Iraida Colon
Annalisse Santana
Laura Murphy
Jim Fitzgerald
Helen Fitzgerald
Stacey Hurd
Amy Macneill
Brenda Goupee
Holly Sateia
Eric Ramsey
Jeanne Flavin
David Nelson
Ilya Magazanin
Mrs. Woods (12th grade calculus, hated the class but she taught me a lot)
Dr. Edwards
Brittany Perro
Terry Chausse

Uh - sorry

Wow, I have been incredibly bad at updating this blog lately.  I know I promised NH (formerly NM) that I would update regularly again.  The truth is though that the blog is rarely far from my mind and I often think things like....oh, I should write about this in the blog.  Not sure why the translation from thought to action hasn't been happening.  Interesting questions to ponder.  :)

So to those that seem to be checking back regularly.  I apologize and will do better.  :)

My weekend

I potentially had the laziest weekend I have ever had this weekend.  I got back to my apartment late on Friday (working) and have not left it yet.  I will be leaving it shortly to go back to work.  I slept ALL day on Saturday and most of the day yesterday.  I didn't speak to another human being until Sunday around 5:30pm, when I called a friend because her facebook status was concerning.  I watched episodes of the Cosby Show and Ally McBeal. It isn't something I could do all the time, but it was certainly worth it.



This song was my weekend anthem.  Thank you Bruno Mars for providing me with the soundtrack needed.  He has dancing monkeys, mentions both the snuggie and doing the dougie, and pulls down his pants.  LOL  The video is pretty awesome.  :)

Work well done

About a month ago, I hurried home because my stepfather was in the hospital.  I was distressed, nothing was quite working the way it should have.  The man that worked the customer service desk at Enterprise, where I was trying to rent a car, was super patient, helpful and just plain great.  So I wrote a letter to the CEO of the company telling them that this guy named Kevin in West Lebanon, NH was awesome.

Yesterday I got a letter from the Vice President of Customer Service thanking me for thanking them. The first paragraph read, "Thank you for taking the time to write your letter.  We are most appreciative of your positive comments.  it is especially valuable to us because generally customers only take the time to call or write when things go badly, not when things are handled well."  I hope Kevin gets a raise or a bonus or a gift card from it.

I was thinking about writing back to them thanking them for thanking me for thanking them - but that seems like a vicious cycle.  LOL

So I truly believe that we should be thanking people for doing things right and celebrating positive work.  It is WAY easier to focus on the negative though and whine and complain.  I'm glad I followed through.

Headlines

Today the campus newspaper published the wrong articles under the wrong headings.  The whole page is crazy.  I started reading an article about Virgina Tech being fined $55,000 and instead found myself reading an article about the CIA and a plane crash in Libya.  The VTech article was under the headline about how a stagnant economy frustrates citizens. 

It is a student-run, daily paper.  I am impressed they get it out everyday. 

It still makes me chuckle a bit. 

I know.  I'm awful. 

Coming out of the Dark

Does anyone remember that Gloria Estefan song?   I think she wrote it when she was in a car accident in her tour bus with all of the miami sound machine and she thought she would never walk again!

I'm pretty sure that is the story.

Well, I was not in a car accident.  My legs are fine.  My crew is all well.

That being said - I have to admit that I feel like I understand her song a little bit after the last month.  There has been a lot of family, friend, work, life crap happening and I have been digging deep to not fold into my mental darkness.  So I have had my head down and I've been pushing through.  I have only been able to focus on one thing at a time and focus on the immediate needs.  Quick run down of the last month - good, bad, bizarre & ugly:

1. I was in an episode of House.  Not really. My stepfather's illness over the last month has felt like that.  His kidneys are failing.  Give him emergency hema-dialysis.  STAT. He's had a minor heart attack.  We think there might be a blood clot.  He's slipping into a coma.  Doctor, we must figure this out.  Blood test. Cat scan. MRI. EKG. ECG. EGG. OMG! Spinal tap. He has bacterial meningitis.  Awake.  Alert.  Damaged.  Alive. Run credits...
2. Amazing weekend at the National Staff Conference for SLTP.  60 people that give me strength, lead by example and love fully.  AWESOME!
3. BFF finished the dissertation.  woo-hoo. 
4. Student sexually assualted.  
5. Student org attempts to fly through Japan after the earthquake and as the nuclear plant begins to melt down.  I say - uh...Wtf?  They proceed to get pissed at me for raining on their parade.  All ends well.  Students realize, perhaps Narita airport was not the best place to be.  
6. Missed 2 Thursdays of karaoke. 
7. Upside of above house episode - got to spend a good chunk of quality time with my niece.  love her. 
8. There have been a few warm days over the last month.  It gives me hope that spring is coming. 
9. I discovered "Just Dance" for Wii and I am addicted.  (I'll write a different blog post about that). 
10. Rebecca Black.  (who will also get her own post)

So yeah, the last month hasn't been all good or all bad - just challenging.  It's good to be back.  :) 

>

Chipper people

I am spending this lovely morning at the laundromat.  I like places like laundromats and grocery stores because I find them kind of soothing.  It is my quiet time.  I get a lot of good thinking done while I am doing laundry or shopping for groceries.  I know lots of people hate these tasks but I really enjoy them.

There is also great people watching - particularly at the laundromat.

Well, one of my favorite human interactions is between the person that wants quiet time or isn't a morning person and the SUPER chipper person.  Now, I am pretty alert, awake and ready to go in the morning but I recognize that some people aren't and that they need a few moments to get invested in the day.  I like to smile and joke with them but also give them the internal space they need.  Well, when the SUPER chipper person meets the "I'm not a morning person" person, I know it is going to be good people watching.  This morning provided just such a show.  Super chipper person kept trying to engage and trying to make funnier and funnier jokes (which actually weren't very funny and I find a lot of stuff funny) and Un-morning person was trying to be polite.  It all came to a head when Super Chipper told Un-Morning, "What is wrong with you, why won't you smile." And Un-Morning yelled, "It is 7 in the morning."  Such good people watching.  Super Chipper has moved onto several other people.  And has currently found a conversation partner.

I love people.

Spring may come after all

I usually like the winter.  I prefer the colder temperatures.  The snow doesn't bug me too much.  I could do without below freezing temps, but mostly I like winter.

I have to say though, I have had enough.  I am tired of the cold and the snow.  I am tired of the winter.  I am done.  I want spring.

Tonight at 9:15pm the Ledyard Bank temperature jumbotron said that the temperature was 51 degrees.  Perhaps spring is around the corner.  I am not crazy enough to believe that we won't have one more giant snow storm but I am hoping that spring time is just around the bend.

For now, I'll enjoy an evening where I can walk from the car to the grocery store in just my sweater and scarf and not become hypothermic.

*************************
Update: As I said, I was not crazy enough to believe that it was the end of the winter weather and *sigh* today we are supposed to get a big ole stupid snow storm.  Ah well.  I have heat and boots and all that good stuff, so I can weather one more storm but I a ready for it to be done. 

Better with friends...

Learning is not meant to be a lonely endeavor.  I knew this before but helping the BFF work on the dissertation has cemented that for me.  In order to do your best work you need help. You need people to bolster you and help you talk through things.  You need mirrors to reflect back to you the concepts, thoughts, theories and general ramblings that are going on. 

Like this blog, reflection and thought while often done alone are not meant to be lonesome or kept to oneself.  Learning, thought, depth, ideas, creativity, questions are meant to be shared and expressed and discussed. 

It has been a challenging lesson for me but one I am holding dearly to and working on daily.  Life, learning and love are all meant to be shared - keeping them to yourself is lonely and seems selfish. 

Things that sound dirty but aren't...

I will admit that there are many times that I have the brain of a 12-year old and I find it hilarious when people inadvertently say things that sound dirty but aren't.

I am sitting in Panera working and one of the employees said to the other - "you have to do it with short, fast strokes." 

My brain immediately went "DIRTY" and I laughed in my seat. 

Sick days

I am very lucky.  When I get a freakish stomach ick that comes on overnight and causes me to feel tremendous gastrointestinal discomfort and bone-deep chills, I know several things:

1) I can get warmer.  I have heat.  I have a roof.  I have 8 million blankets that I can crawl under.  I can get warmer.

2) There is medicine or something I will be able to take to either relieve the symptoms or take away whatever obnoxious germ has decided to invade my body.

3) If I get up in the morning, I will be able to send a message to Mr. Bossman and let him know that I am sick and asking to take a day off.  He will not only tell me to take the day off but insist upon it.  He will then cover any necessary meetings.  Additionally, I know that if I came into the office feeling the way I feel right now and looking like I hadn't slept all night because an alien baby was clawing its way out my stomach, that he would insist that I go home and take care of myself.

4) While home, I have access to the internet and a computer, so that I can take care of anything pressing and not feel as though I am getting super behind.

I am a very lucky woman. The above four items is what privilege looks like.  I am grateful for what I have because there are many women and men that don't get to take sick days.  Or if they do, they aren't paid for them.  They don't get to take care of themselves and feel supported in doing so.  I am very lucky, indeed.

Retirement parties

Last night I went to a retirement party for a woman that has worked at the college for 36 years.  First, I find that incredible.  It is amazing to me that anyone stays in one "company" for that long.  I don't usually use names on the blog, but I think that this is important.  

Holly Sateia is incredible.  As an undergrad she pushed me through Dartmouth. She NEVER allowed me to quit and she fought for me tooth and nail.  She wasn't going to allow a system that I didn't understand, didn't recognize and had never encountered to stop me from jumping over every single hurdle there was.  She is a large part of why I graduated on time and mostly in one piece. She has been and I know will continue to be an advocate for all students but especially for those students who have the greatest disadvantages.  She recognizes that treating everyone the same does not mean treating everyone fairly or equitably.  She passionately cares for students and their lives.  She has done everything in her power to make Dartmouth and the world a better place.  I am glad to know her and to have had the tremendous honor of being her student and colleague.   

Dartmouth is not the same without her.

The internet

So, the internet is insane.  Yesterday I posted about Chobani Yogurt and my love for it.  When I looked at the blog yesterday, I had a comment from "Emily @ Chobani".  WHAT?!  That is crazy.  How did they know I posted about them?  Is there some electronic tech thing that alerts them when their product is talked about online?  Was I violating some sort of crazy trademark law?  Insane.

They seemed to like my comment and said I filled them with sunshine.  Isn't that nice?  Maybe they'll post my words on their website and I'll get coupons for Free Chobani or a years supply of Chobani.  LOL.  That would make me both very happy and laugh hilariously.

The other CRAZY thing about the internet is connected to the yogurt and to this blog.  I was flabbergasted by the comment on my post that I posted my flabbergast on facebook.  (I recognize that flabbergast may not be a noun but I think that if you can be flabbergasted then a flabbergast must make you feel such a thing.  Just like if you can be disgruntled, then you must also be able to be gruntled. IMHO.  lol)

So I posted it on facebook and in mere moments, I had 63 people view my blog.  At first I couldn't figure out how people even knew the site of my blog if I didn't tell them - then I remembered that it was on my facebook profile.  Insane.

The internet is a small and crazy world.  I would have done the same thing if someone had posted the message I posted on facebook.  I would have immediately followed the link and checked it out.  I do it all the time.

Sometimes though, I am just blown away by the rapidity of things on the internet and how absolutely connected we can really be.

Chobani Greek Yogurt

This Monday morning's post goes out to Chobani Greek Yogurt.  It is creamy.  It is delicious.  It is healthy.  It starts my day off wonderfully.

I like the raspberry and blueberry flavors the best.  I like to slice up a banana and mix it into the yogurt for some extra fruit goodness.

When it is cold, snowy and grey outside...Chobani adds some sunshine to my belly.

LOL

Oh goodness, I am making myself laugh.  But seriously.  I really like it.  Try some!

The Tudors

BFF and I have discovered a brand new television series.  We have been watching the Showtime show The Tudors.  Henry and his many wives are fascinating.  Such a great show.

The BFF has been absorbed in work lately and we haven't had tons of time to just chill out with each other and enjoy each other's company.  Tonight we were able to spend a couple of hours chatting, hanging out and watching The Tudors.

I love my BFF.

Saturday Sales

SI & drove down to Tilton Outlet Centers today and had a great time enjoying the sales.  I haven't purchased anything for myself in a long time.  Today was the day.  I needed some jeans.

Turns out that the Coach Outlet Store was having a huge sale.  I LOVE purses and wallets and other accessories.  I like scarves and shoes and other accoutrements.  I normally can't afford anything at the Coach store.  Today though...today...there was a HUGE sale.  Everything was a reduced price.  Then there was an additional 30% off everything in the store.  Then the clearance items were 50% off, plus the additional 30%.   So I bought a little clutch wallet thing.  Cost me $23!  Woo-hoo

Then SI and I travelled over to Lane Bryant and I got lots of new items for the winter-spring transition, including a hot pink trench rain coat.  I like it a lot.

yay to sales and outlet stores.  Yay to a great day with a friend.

GLEE!!!

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Okay, it is very difficult for me to contain my excitement.  I got tickets! BFF and I are going to see Glee Live in Concert on June 6, 2011 in Boston, MA.  I am sooo thrilled.

Monday, June 6, 2011
7:30pm
Boston, MA

I'll be in the seats cheering and singing and dancing along with the cast of Glee.

So many favorites from season 2 that I'm excited to hear. Here are a few:

I am proud!

My friends are doing such great things... I am so proud of their accomplishments.

JF just became a full professor

TC just completed her ADD coaching certificate

JP completed her dissertation and is now Dr. JP.

Bossman is making significant progress on his dissertation and will be Dr. Bossman very soon!

I am so glad to have such great friends.

Here I am!

Holy crap!  Life has been insane.

Lots of stress.  Plenty of laughs.  Lots of moments of joy.

I have missed writing in the blog and taking the time to reflect and share.  I think I'll even change the background and color scheme.

Because caring IS who I am...

Someone that I care about asked me today (or technically yesterday since it is 1:13am) if I knew who I was without work or caring for other people.  It made me think.  Is there something wrong?  Do I not know who I am?  Do I care too much? 

I didn't respond immediately. 

The answer to the question is no, I don't know who i am without work or without caring for other people because without that care, I'm not who I am.  Caring and a deep desire to have an impact, to make a difference....those are at my core.  I believe in respect.  I believe in justice.  I believe in love.  I believe that love and care are the pathways to true justice.  I don't stand for anything if I don't stand for that. 

Is caring painful sometimes? Absolutely.  Do I sometimes feel tired?  Absolutely. 

Regardless, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Do I need to sometimes figure out how to not get taken advantage of because I care so much about some things?  Absolutely.  But I know where my lines are.  I know how I should be treated.  I know what I believe to be right. 

There are too many people in the world these days trying to tell me that I care too much.  Wondering about why I stay at my job when so many people seem to be jumping ship.  It is because I believe that the work I do truly makes a difference. 

Do I sometimes lose sight of that belief? Absolutely.  Do I sometimes struggle with the individual politics and petty mindgames of others?  ABSOLUTELY.

But I find I don't struggle long because I know what I stand for.  I care about people.  I work from the heart. 

Some may see it as a flaw but I think it is one of my greatest strengths.

Senior Citizen's Prom

Tonight I got a phone call from my mother to tell me that on the Channel 5 public station in East Hartford they were playing a segment they call the Time Capsule and I was on TV. 

I immediately figured that it was some horrendous newscast that I used to do with my friend DW when we were in high school.  Yes, that's right.  Between the years of 1995 and 1997, I was one of the EHHS correspondents on Channel 5.  DW and I would do a weekly broadcast, that we would normally write in the car on the way there, about all the news and happenings at the high school.  It was hilarious.  We never really knew where to look.  We always looked like we were listening too earnestly or were trying not to laugh.  Both of which were usually true.  Although often, I was just off camera trying very hard to make DW laugh during his broadcast.  I am so glad Youtube didn't exist when I was a younger version of myself.

But NO, that is not what was showing.  Instead what was showing was a recorded version of the Senior Citizen's prom from 1997.  There in all of our splendor were me and my friends dancing with the senior citizenry of East Hartford.  Every year we put on this incredible prom from the folks and we would dress in gowns and tuxedos and serve them a full meal.  We would learn basic ballroom steps ans dance the night away.  We always threw in a good bunny hop, chicken dance and electric slide.  My mom was just sitting there watching my 14 years ago and all my friends.  She was rattling off names over the phone and laughing at us as we danced. 

I remember those events so fondly.  I mostly loved my high school experience because I was able to do some great things and do things that I felt mattered.  I always felt like I was making a difference in my school and for my community.  It is an incredible thing. 

I have no idea why they were playing that particular year's prom.  But I'm glad they were.  It brought back really wonderful memories.

Letter to self

Today in the mail I got my letter to self.  Every summer at SLTP we write a letter to ourselves.  And every January we receive that letter.  I am always surprised, even when I know it is coming.  There is something strange about seeing your own handwriting in your mailbox.  The letter this year is so poignant to me right now.   It is as though I really had projected myself into the future and wrote exactly what my future self needed to hear. 

On July 17, 2010, I wrote:


Dear Self-


Thank you for taking the chance and the time to SLTP.  TLC was a great experience.  While the lessons were important what you really learned was about yourself.  Please remember the things you value. Please remember that the reason you are good at your job is because you care deeply and believe that the work you do makes a real and tangible difference in the world. I am sure that when you get this letter you will be busy.  Busy is goo as long as it is busy doing things you love.  Are you doing things you love? Have you allowed SLTP to slip to the back burner? Are you still singing karaoke?  Are you making change? Remember that you are not alone even when it feels like it.  You have a solid foundation - stand strong on it. 


Questions to ask yourself:
-- Is your apt. clean? Why not? 
-- Are you still exercising? 
-- Are you actively connecting to the world around you? 
-- Have you found love? Why not? 
-- Are you still loving your job more than you hate it? 
-- Are you building your friendships? 
-- Are you being true? 
-- Are you happy? 


I love you.  I don't always remember that but I do! I am pretty awesome. 


Love,
Liz

Such good questions I asked myself.  Important reminders to myself. 

Letters to self - another reason that I love mail!

New Favorite Quote

I have been saying for awhile now that students need to do something.  I want them to stand up for what they believe.  I want them to take action. 

Apparently, John Sloan Dickey, former president of Dartmouth college agreed with me when he said:

"In all your learning get not only wisdom but also build the will and acquire the capacity for doing something about those things which need doing."

I could not agree more!!

COLD day - WARM snuggie

I know that I have written odes to my snuggie in previous post.  Today as the temperature drops below zero, I am so super grateful for my snuggie, warm blankets, cozy sockies, and heat.

As the temperature drops, I can't help but think about those families that don't have heat, that are struggling this winter.  My family has been in dire straits before and have gone through difficult winters. I am deeply grateful for what I have and hope that I can find ways to help those that need it.

Making plans

In two weeks (Feb 4-6) I will be in Boston to see my two favorite Lauras!  yay!

I am very excited about having plans and for getting a chance to see my friends.  It also happens to be the weekend of an LI meeting for SLTP.

It is going to be a great weekend of great people.  I'm excited for future plans...

Frank conversation

I have to admit that it makes me feel good when I am able to have a frank conversation with my family about uncomfortable things.

Today I had a conversation with my mom about living will and funeral preparations and stuff like that.  No one is dying.  This is not a conversation that was prompted by any imminent danger.  I just think it is important.  I think everyone should prepare and should have their wishes in writing.

Lots of people seem to think this is a morbid conversation...I think it is practical and important.  I am glad that my mom is open to having these conversations.  There are too many things that people don't talk about.  Too many things that go left unsaid in our lives.  I'm glad to have been able to have a real conversation about something important.

Skype

Technology is quite an incredible thing.  I haven't really played with Skype much until recently.  It is a pretty cool way to keep in touch with people and stay connected.

Today was a key example.  I haven't been able to make it to many of the SLTP skillshop sessions this year because without a car and the increasing winter snow it has been super challenging.  The amazingness of technology allowed me to tune into a special skillshop today.

SLTP is one of those places where I feel at home and comfortable.  It is where my heart core and my brain connect and I feel whole.  The way I feel at SLTP is how I am trying to feel in the rest of my life.  Like I've said in a previous post, my brain and heart don't always connect...I want my brain and actions to be connected to my heart.  I want my actions to be grounded in what I believe and what I feel.

On my dry erase board at work right now is the quote from MLK that says, "It is always the right time to what is right." For me, that is the embodiment of what it means for my core and my brain to be connected.

Good night

Last night was a great night.  Me & my BFF have been beyond busy.  This means we haven't been able to see each other for long periods of time or for anything other than routine check-ins.  Last night we got to spend time with each other.  We laughed.  We drank.  We danced around.  We laughed.  Did I repeat that? Well, it is that important.

It was one of those really great nights.  We didn't do anything extraordinary.  There were no bells or whistles.  It was just two friends enjoying each other's company and basking in shared laughter, experience and love.

It was a night where I was reminded again how lucky I am to be loved and to have people I love in return.

Grateful

At the end of every staff meeting, we end by going around and saying something that each of us is grateful for.  It is sometimes challenging because we get stuck in the task-y pieces of our lives and our jobs.  Yet, taking that few minutes to express my own gratitude and to hear the moments of gratitude from others is important.  It is a part of what makes our office special and what keeps us able to do the good work we do.

I am very grateful to work with the people I do and in an office that continues to remember what is important about our work, continues to have great vision and continues to strive to impact students in important ways.

Giraffe - stages of change

This video is both an accurate representation of the stages of change and makes me laugh....

I've been sharing it with everyone I know because I believe that many of the people dear to me (including myself) are locked in this cycle of emotion.

My least personal favorite stage but my FAVORITE stage in the video is depression. :)

4 feet tall

That is how tall my 5 year old niece is.

I received a phone call from her today informing me that she was 4 feet tall and 66 pounds.  She was very proud of that fact as am I.  She's a towering giant and I love her.

:)

Joy is not so serious

I have been taking myself and my joy way to seriously. I have been waiting for something meaningful to post and have forgotten that the pure expression of joy in the mundane, the ridiculous, the irreverent, the fantastic, the awesome, the amusing, the strange, the absurd, the profound, the deep, the challenging, the everyday....is the purpose itself.

So here's to remembering to take my quest to take myself less seriously, more seriously. :)

Things that brought me joy today:

• Velcro
• students having the courage to engage in conversation and make themselves vulnerable
• strengthsquest
• my scarf
• mountain dew

It Gets Better

I really love the "It Gets Better" campaign.  I think the message of hope is so important to people.  Hope that change can happen and that people can live through pain.  I hope that the teachers, parents, counselors, principals, politicians, etc really listen to the campaign because I believe that we can make it better TODAY.

We don't have to wait until we "get older" for things to get better.  We can use our words carefully NOW.  We can be kind, caring, compassionate and respectful TODAY.  We can DO SOMETHING to make things better now, so that more of our young people will live to see tomorrow when it can be even better.

I love the below video.  I especially love that the creator of it reminds us that it isn't just members of the LGBTQ community that get bullied but all sorts of people that are considered different.  I would add that bullying doesn't stop at the high school graduation but can continue into college and the workforce.

We must make it better. We can make a difference.  I truly believe that we can change things and make it okay....to be...to breathe...to live....to love...to dream.

busy, busy, busy

I have been super busy (continue to be super busy). 

The great thing is that for the first time in a long time I am completely doing the work that matters and not drowning in politics and other nonsense. 

Students are great.  Colleagues are great. 

Life is good.

Although I continually wonder WTF is going on with the bird and wtf is going on in arizona. 

One good F-Bomb

I will admit that sometimes nothing gives me more joy than releasing a good F-bomb into the universe.  Today is one of those days where a little expletive venting really made me feel better.

Breathe and release...

:)

Enjoy the below Cee-Lo song selection (contains graphic lyrics)

Self Care: New Years Resolution Version

Everyone is going on and on about new years resolutions.  I don't really have a new years resolution but rather a continuation of this joy/self-care journey that I have been on.

1. Floss my teeth at least once a day.
2. Make sure there are no dirty dishes in the sink when I go to sleep. 
3. Put lotion on to keep my skin from getting dry and cracked during the winter.
4. Do one thing to pamper myself a week. 
5. Laugh more than 5 times a day.
6. Schedule time for reflection.
7. Forgive myself more.
8. Celebrate myself more (This one is from my friend FS.  He asked me about my resolutions and I told him number 5 and he said that he thought I should celebrate myself more.  He is correct!)

Those are my current steps to self-care & joy. Slowly making little bitty changes to make my life more joyful, more meaningful and more full of gratitude and love.  

Start with the small things...

NKOTB & Backstreet Boys

On Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve, New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys performed.  I have to admit that it made me insanely HAPPY!

I am such a child of the boy band era.  Add some New Edition and N'Sync to the mix and I would be in heaven.  (Boy Band sidenote: I actually prefer N'Sync to Backstreet Boys - like totally way, way, way prefer - hee hee).

I actually may save some cash and treat myself to concert tickets for my birthday - the concert is in June.  Giant waste of money - but totally well worth it.  I mean why would I miss such a quality reunion tour.  LOL

Back-Streets-Back - ALRIGHT!

Reunions

Over the last year MANY people have left the college that I work at and have gone onto to new experiences in their lives.  While I have been VERY happy for them, I have been selfishly sad for the loss of them in my daily life.

Over the break, I got to see MF & MdSM.  They were back in the area visiting family for the holidays and SI and I drove down to southern New Hampshire to meet them.  It was really lovely to see them.  I miss M so much.

In honor of these dear friends....here is the Golden Girls Theme song.