I have said before that I believe in Santa Claus. I don't believe that there is truly a jolly ole man in a red suit that has flying reindeer and delivers gifts in one night by sliding down chimneys. I do believe in the power of that image though.
I have engaged in discussion about whether telling kids about Santa Claus is lying to them. I can see how it can be considered lying but it is a story that I would tell every kid. It isn't about presents but about joy and laughter. Santa is about imagination and belief and magic.
I believe in imagination and belief and magic. I believe in kindness and joy and connection.
Santa is all of those things. The story of Santa is a story that imagines all of us connected to each other.
It was fun to see my niece enjoy the story of Santa Claus and see her believing and imagining. I believe in Santa Claus.
"I Believe in Santa Claus" From Year Without a Santa Claus"
Monday, December 27, 2010
A very happy Christmas
It was really nice to go home and see my family. I have missed my mom. Christmas is a good time at my house because all of the petty squabbling and stuff is put aside. We have always taken the Christmas holiday as a way to be happy with each other's company and to indulge in small pleasures. It is something that I am trying to do more often now.
Growing up we never had money but we always had music, laughter and games. It is the thing that we return to every holiday. We put aside all the strife and the pain and the struggle and remember the small things that bring us joy and join our family.
We colored in coloring books with Annalisse. We played Yahtzee. We watched Iron Chef America. We had Jello shots. We laughed. We danced around to all types of music. We ate good food. We baked. It was a really wonderful time.
My family is struggling and it makes me sad. I do what I can for them. I love them dearly.
I am very grateful for having them in my life and for the gift of laughter. Despite everything going on in the world, in our lives - we always found ways to laugh.
I was reminded this Christmas of this gift that my mother gave me. It is something I hold precious and dear to my heart.
It was a very happy Christmas indeed.
Growing up we never had money but we always had music, laughter and games. It is the thing that we return to every holiday. We put aside all the strife and the pain and the struggle and remember the small things that bring us joy and join our family.
We colored in coloring books with Annalisse. We played Yahtzee. We watched Iron Chef America. We had Jello shots. We laughed. We danced around to all types of music. We ate good food. We baked. It was a really wonderful time.
My family is struggling and it makes me sad. I do what I can for them. I love them dearly.
I am very grateful for having them in my life and for the gift of laughter. Despite everything going on in the world, in our lives - we always found ways to laugh.
I was reminded this Christmas of this gift that my mother gave me. It is something I hold precious and dear to my heart.
It was a very happy Christmas indeed.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Holiday Vacation
Starting at 5pm yesterday when I locked up the Collis Center, I am on break until January 3rd.
Locking up the building last night, I found myself a little "verklempt"(is that how it is spelled? ). It has been a long year. Collis has always been my home and my safe space. This year it has offered me sanctuary from the storm happening all around. As I left the building, I found myself thanking the building. I am sure if someone had heard me saying thank you out loud, they would have thought I was crazy. There is something magical about the building. It is a welcoming, comfortable, inclusive space at a place that has few of those spaces. It isn't the most majestic building. It doesn't have all the bells and whistles of other student centers. It doesn't need them. It is a building full love, care, warmth, creativity, passion, laughter and fun. I am lucky to be a small part of the Collis Center history and to keep working to make it the campus living room.
I am looking forward to this break I am looking forward to not being on schedule. I am looking forward to rest and relaxation.
This break is soo important because it is a time to gather energy stores to push through the next 6 months until graduation. There is no break in the work once the new year starts.
I am looking forward to going home to CT to see my family. I can't wait to see my niece wake up on Christmas morning. I want to see the christmas tree. I look forward to sharing some "beverage" with my mom.
I look forward to reading a couple of good books. To organizing some things. To taking care of myself, my space and my loved ones.
I am looking forward to having time to reflect and plan and process.
This break is coming at just the right time and I am so glad.
Locking up the building last night, I found myself a little "verklempt"(is that how it is spelled? ). It has been a long year. Collis has always been my home and my safe space. This year it has offered me sanctuary from the storm happening all around. As I left the building, I found myself thanking the building. I am sure if someone had heard me saying thank you out loud, they would have thought I was crazy. There is something magical about the building. It is a welcoming, comfortable, inclusive space at a place that has few of those spaces. It isn't the most majestic building. It doesn't have all the bells and whistles of other student centers. It doesn't need them. It is a building full love, care, warmth, creativity, passion, laughter and fun. I am lucky to be a small part of the Collis Center history and to keep working to make it the campus living room.
I am looking forward to this break I am looking forward to not being on schedule. I am looking forward to rest and relaxation.
This break is soo important because it is a time to gather energy stores to push through the next 6 months until graduation. There is no break in the work once the new year starts.
I am looking forward to going home to CT to see my family. I can't wait to see my niece wake up on Christmas morning. I want to see the christmas tree. I look forward to sharing some "beverage" with my mom.
I look forward to reading a couple of good books. To organizing some things. To taking care of myself, my space and my loved ones.
I am looking forward to having time to reflect and plan and process.
This break is coming at just the right time and I am so glad.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Free Parking
Today I went to park in a metered parking. I parked the car. I walked over the meter to pay and get my ticket. A woman pulls up next to me and says, I have a ticket that is good until 5pm, would you like it and save yourself some quarters. I said "sure". She handed me the ticket, said Merry Christmas and drove away.
It was a really nice thing. It was a small and random act of kindness. I appreciated and it put a little bounce in my step. I will remember to pass it on.
It was a really nice thing. It was a small and random act of kindness. I appreciated and it put a little bounce in my step. I will remember to pass it on.
Self-Care
Attempting to take care of myself in any number of small, but important, ways..
- Went to the dentist. It has been an unspeakable amount of time since I went to the dentist. It was not pleasant but it was necessary and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Also, it only cost me $6. I am SO blessed to have medical and dental insurance.
- Purchased new toothbrush, toothpaste, floss and mouthwash. Apparently soft bristles are the way to go, alcohol-free mouthwash and FLOSS. I dislike flossing but I like teeth...necessary evils
- Got my haircut. Needed a trim. I told the stylist to do whatever she wanted. It looks cute. it is just hair. :)
- Eyebrows waxed - didn't have time to do it when I was getting my hair cut
- Start swimming again. Attempting to figure out how to make it happen without a car but where there is a will there is a way
- Laundry
- Karaoke
- Glee
- BFF & other friends
- LAUGH
- Leave work at a reasonable (to be determined what that means) hour
- eat more veggies
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Sing Off
As I have been responding to email, updating the blog, I have been watching the show called The Sing Off. It is great because I got to see all the episodes in one evening instead of over numerous weeks. Talented people amaze me and these people are definitely talented. I should be finding out who wins shortly...
Here are my favorite songs:
The Backbeats do Gaga
Street Corner Symphony - Down on the Corner
The Backbeats - Landslide
Jerry Lawson & Talk of the Town - House of the Rising Sun
Here are my favorite songs:
The Backbeats do Gaga
Street Corner Symphony - Down on the Corner
The Backbeats - Landslide
Jerry Lawson & Talk of the Town - House of the Rising Sun
In that vein...
I have about 7 posts that are half written about moments that truly brought me joy. Here is a quick recap to catch me up on my own life.
- Coming back from Tampa it made me so happy to see the christmas tree on the Hanover green and main street decorated in garland and twinkle lights.
- On both my flights back from Tampa, I had NO ONE sitting next to me. It was awesome.
- Browsing bookstores is the best.
- I used to have a regular standing Sushi dinner date with LS before she moved away. Since her departure I haven't taken myself to sushi in ages. I really like it and am glad I took myself to lunch.
- Dates with myself - I need to remember to schedule more dates with myself
- Sleeping late - I know I actually did write a post about this - but it bears repeating.
- christmas cards- I like to write them, browse through them and receive them
- ridiculous buttons with hilarious (and often VERY true) sayings on them. For example, I received one from SI today that read "We make up our own answers around here." SO dang true!
- The great game of bananagrams
- pictures of my niece on Santa's knee
- figures of swimming santas...
Starting fresh...
The thing that I didn't anticipate in writing this blog is that I was inviting people into my life in a very real way. I haven't been writing much lately. Have I been busy? Sure. I haven't been busy enough that I can't write.
I've been struggling. I have been having an epic battle between my brain and my heart. I don't know how to clearly explain what that means. All I can say is that I sometimes feel things deeply. I know them in my core but I can't explain why I feel the way that I do. Often, these feelings are in contrast to what my head tells me is the best course of action. Or in conflict with what my head says is the "rational" thing to do. It is the moment when the thing that my brain or people around me are telling me is the best course of action is the very thing that makes me feel bad or sick to stomach or just a little bit not right. It isn't easy to listen to my heart over my brain. Or to find the balance between brain and heart.
Sometimes I momentarily misplace my internal compass and I am left struggling to find my way back to myself. Sometimes these life detours are brief. Like this one. They last for a few days or a couple of weeks. Sometimes they are longer - a month or two or more. Longer ones can often be dark times for me. All this to say that usually when it happens, people may notice that my demeanor has changed slightly or I don't laugh quite as quickly but I am able to fake it pretty well (except from Dr. J or my BFF who can see right through any facade). Well with this blog, people have noticed that I haven't been writing as much and that has led them to be concerned and ask me if I am okay, etc.
This realization that people are "following" me and are involved in my life in any way remotely is strange. I write the blog for myself but sharing myself in public is not something I do. I think most people would describe me as outgoing, bubbly, etc... I can certainly be gregarious and loud and boisterous... Yet, it is work for me. I love a good laugh. I can engage as needed. I wouldn't label myself an extrovert though. Sharing myself is hard work. Social settings can be draining for me, especially if I'm not hiding behind a mask. So the public nature of this blog, the fact that people know when I am and am not posting is daunting. It is an important step for me.
Dr. J recently wrote a "wednesday visit" about asking for help. This is a skill that has always been a challenge for me. It starts with being able to share yourself in even the smallest ways with those around you. It starts with being genuine in our interactions. So this blog for me is part of the process of me sharing myself with the world and most importantly sharing myself with myself. That sounds crazy but when I stop fooling myself then I am able to connect with the world more fully.
So, to anyone that is reading this that has asked me how I am...I have been struggling but I can see things clearer again. I have found the arrow on my heart-compass and it is pointing due north again. Every day is a fresh start and another chance to live better than the day before.
Thank you to my dear friends. Thank you to all that have asked how I am doing and waited long enough to hear the real answer. Thank you BFF.
I am lucky indeed.
I've been struggling. I have been having an epic battle between my brain and my heart. I don't know how to clearly explain what that means. All I can say is that I sometimes feel things deeply. I know them in my core but I can't explain why I feel the way that I do. Often, these feelings are in contrast to what my head tells me is the best course of action. Or in conflict with what my head says is the "rational" thing to do. It is the moment when the thing that my brain or people around me are telling me is the best course of action is the very thing that makes me feel bad or sick to stomach or just a little bit not right. It isn't easy to listen to my heart over my brain. Or to find the balance between brain and heart.
Sometimes I momentarily misplace my internal compass and I am left struggling to find my way back to myself. Sometimes these life detours are brief. Like this one. They last for a few days or a couple of weeks. Sometimes they are longer - a month or two or more. Longer ones can often be dark times for me. All this to say that usually when it happens, people may notice that my demeanor has changed slightly or I don't laugh quite as quickly but I am able to fake it pretty well (except from Dr. J or my BFF who can see right through any facade). Well with this blog, people have noticed that I haven't been writing as much and that has led them to be concerned and ask me if I am okay, etc.
This realization that people are "following" me and are involved in my life in any way remotely is strange. I write the blog for myself but sharing myself in public is not something I do. I think most people would describe me as outgoing, bubbly, etc... I can certainly be gregarious and loud and boisterous... Yet, it is work for me. I love a good laugh. I can engage as needed. I wouldn't label myself an extrovert though. Sharing myself is hard work. Social settings can be draining for me, especially if I'm not hiding behind a mask. So the public nature of this blog, the fact that people know when I am and am not posting is daunting. It is an important step for me.
Dr. J recently wrote a "wednesday visit" about asking for help. This is a skill that has always been a challenge for me. It starts with being able to share yourself in even the smallest ways with those around you. It starts with being genuine in our interactions. So this blog for me is part of the process of me sharing myself with the world and most importantly sharing myself with myself. That sounds crazy but when I stop fooling myself then I am able to connect with the world more fully.
So, to anyone that is reading this that has asked me how I am...I have been struggling but I can see things clearer again. I have found the arrow on my heart-compass and it is pointing due north again. Every day is a fresh start and another chance to live better than the day before.
Thank you to my dear friends. Thank you to all that have asked how I am doing and waited long enough to hear the real answer. Thank you BFF.
I am lucky indeed.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Sleeping in...
Today I woke up at 10:45am. I slept for a little bit less than 12 hours. It was incredible.
Agenda for the day:
Agenda for the day:
- Shower Check!
- Walk up to town Check!
- Grab something to eat Had sushi for lunch @ Yama. Absolutely delicious.
- Get quarters from the bank for laundry (well, bank closes at noon and I was slow moving)
- Return library books Hunt for library books - found 2 but can't find the third
- Christmas shopping (any last minute doo-higgies) Check! basically all done with shopping
- Mid-afternoon glass of wine Check! Was hoping to meet up with the BFF but didn't happen.
- Walk home Duh!
- Clean Not even close. LOL
- Wrap presents I wrapped the immediate presents
- Dinner with good friends Yes! Food, friends & board games - good time.
- SLEEP! Give it a minute....Watching Friends now...
Good day. Nothing extraordinary. Life is good.
Dancing
Bossman, DR and I performed this dance number from GLEE at our holiday party. We had lots of attitude and sass. We were really quite excellent. I was Quinn, Bossman was Santana and DR was the Brittany. It was a big hit and an excellent kick-off to the party. In fact, there was an encore request later in the evening. There are no pictures or video....we will do the dance but not broadcast it publicly. It was a great time. Below is the original video along with two of our favorite reinterpretations.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Holiday Shindigs
I am so lucky to work with the people that I work with. I just got home from our annual office holiday potluck and it was so much fun.
I don't know how I got so lucky to work with people that are funny, caring, and dedicated to our work.
I know I haven't posted in awhile. It has been a very busy December. And it has been emotionally draining. It isn't that I haven't been having joyful moments and lots of great times - but that I haven't been reflecting on it. I lost my way for a little while in the joy quest and the desire to live an intentionally joyful life.
Living from the heart is so much harder than living from brain sometimes...Living in joy is living from my heart and I need to keep remembering that.
Luckily I work with amazing people that remind me of what is important both day-to-day in my office and through SLTP. I am so blessed.
I don't know how I got so lucky to work with people that are funny, caring, and dedicated to our work.
I know I haven't posted in awhile. It has been a very busy December. And it has been emotionally draining. It isn't that I haven't been having joyful moments and lots of great times - but that I haven't been reflecting on it. I lost my way for a little while in the joy quest and the desire to live an intentionally joyful life.
Living from the heart is so much harder than living from brain sometimes...Living in joy is living from my heart and I need to keep remembering that.
Luckily I work with amazing people that remind me of what is important both day-to-day in my office and through SLTP. I am so blessed.
Monday, December 13, 2010
First Real Snow
It is snowing.
Right now we are having the first real snow of the winter season. I can't believe that the first snow is coming so late.
It is beautiful. I love snow falling.
I have 3 blog posts in progress...more later. For now, enjoy the soft, falling of the snow.
Right now we are having the first real snow of the winter season. I can't believe that the first snow is coming so late.
It is beautiful. I love snow falling.
I have 3 blog posts in progress...more later. For now, enjoy the soft, falling of the snow.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Wi-Fi
Wireless internet is an incredible thing. I knew someone once that pronounced Wi-Fi as "wee-fee" - it was cute.
I am currently sitting in the Tampa airport and I am able to answer email, write this blog, update my facebook status and other VERY important things.
We live in an incredible world where I can stay connected to all aspects of my life from wherever I am. Right now, my dear from JF is in Ethiopia and I know what is going on in her life through her facebook & blog updates. I was able to respond to email from Hanover with ease. I connected to people I just met at a conference. i have received and responded to emails from current and former students that are all over the country and world.
There are lots of issues with the way that technology functions in the world. Right now, though, I am really quite grateful for it.
I am currently sitting in the Tampa airport and I am able to answer email, write this blog, update my facebook status and other VERY important things.
We live in an incredible world where I can stay connected to all aspects of my life from wherever I am. Right now, my dear from JF is in Ethiopia and I know what is going on in her life through her facebook & blog updates. I was able to respond to email from Hanover with ease. I connected to people I just met at a conference. i have received and responded to emails from current and former students that are all over the country and world.
There are lots of issues with the way that technology functions in the world. Right now, though, I am really quite grateful for it.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Pensieve
- Harry Potter: "What is it?"
- Albus Dumbledore: "This? It is called a Pensieve. I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind."
- — Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter discussing Dumbledore's Pensieve.
- The Harry Potter films have been on television a lot lately. I love the books and tolerate the movies. There a lot of magical things from Harry Potter that I would like in my own life. I would like the time-turner Hermoine uses to add more time to her day. I wish I had a hippogriff as a pet. I would like the clock that Molly Weasley has on her wall that tells her where all her family is at any moment.
- All of those things I would like to have - but - the thing that I would like best is a pensieve. I would like to pull out my thoughts and stick them in a bowl. I would like to visit my best memories later in vivid color and revisit moments of challenge to reflect in a clearer way.
- ah well..tis not to be.
- And as I type this, I still cry as Dumbledore dies.
Hotel beds
What is it about hotel beds that make them so much more comfortable than our beds at home? Is it because I don't have to change the sheets? Is it all the extra pillows? Is it because I pay money to stay here?
I am in Tampa for a conference called the Leadership Educators Institute and staying at the Hyatt Place. I have a beautiful room and the bed made it very difficult to get up for the conference sessions this morning.
I am in Tampa for a conference called the Leadership Educators Institute and staying at the Hyatt Place. I have a beautiful room and the bed made it very difficult to get up for the conference sessions this morning.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Funny toys (revisited)
A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog entry about these "plush microbes" that I thought were hilarious and cute.
Today as I looked around my office I realized that I already owned one of these microbes. I own the one called the "kissing disease", otherwise known as Mono. I received as a gift from one of my fave students CC when he graduated. I remember the conversation when he gave it to me. He knew that I would find it both super cute and freaking hilarious. Of course, I do.
It was a nice feeling to know how well your students can know you sometimes and how you can forget certain things until something jars you or until you take the time to look around your office.
Here's a picture of my little plush microbe at home on her shelf.
Today as I looked around my office I realized that I already owned one of these microbes. I own the one called the "kissing disease", otherwise known as Mono. I received as a gift from one of my fave students CC when he graduated. I remember the conversation when he gave it to me. He knew that I would find it both super cute and freaking hilarious. Of course, I do.
It was a nice feeling to know how well your students can know you sometimes and how you can forget certain things until something jars you or until you take the time to look around your office.
Here's a picture of my little plush microbe at home on her shelf.
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| "Kising Disease" |
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Quote of the week
I have a giant bowl of quotes that I pull from every week and post on my dry erase board. This week's quote is appropriate for the holiday season.
"We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives." - Robert Kennedy
"We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives." - Robert Kennedy
Google Forms
Google forms may be the COOLEST thing I have ever used. I know that some people have been using them forever, but I haven't been. I am truly amazed and impressed by them. It is so easy to make them. They have pretty background options. It provides me with a wonderful excel spreadsheet.
I have made 3 google forms in the last 30 minutes.
I am a nerd. These make me happy!
I have made 3 google forms in the last 30 minutes.
I am a nerd. These make me happy!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friends w/ Triple A
I have awful car issues. I am not sure what happened but in the last year cars just don't seem to last when they are around me. My BFF is out of town and I have his car. This morning I go outside and the damn car is dead - D-E-A-D.
I freak out.
The car worked this weekend. It drove beautifully. It was so nice and smooth and wonderful. Then DEAD! WTF?!?
Once I got past the freak out, I walked to work to deal with it later. I am lucky to have people in my life that are willing to help. JC came to help me try and push the car out of the garage to jump start it but the car wouldn't move into neutral. Apparently, newer cars won't allow you to switch to neutral when the battery is dead. Who knew? Not me.
Now what? Well she called Triple A and had someone come out. Her and her husband waited for over an hour with me until they came and started the car. It was the battery.
I am blessed to have wonderful friends.
I also need to get my own Triple A membership.
I freak out.
The car worked this weekend. It drove beautifully. It was so nice and smooth and wonderful. Then DEAD! WTF?!?
Once I got past the freak out, I walked to work to deal with it later. I am lucky to have people in my life that are willing to help. JC came to help me try and push the car out of the garage to jump start it but the car wouldn't move into neutral. Apparently, newer cars won't allow you to switch to neutral when the battery is dead. Who knew? Not me.
Now what? Well she called Triple A and had someone come out. Her and her husband waited for over an hour with me until they came and started the car. It was the battery.
I am blessed to have wonderful friends.
I also need to get my own Triple A membership.
Wii Bowling
My niece is a Wii bowling savant...seriously, if there were competitive Wii Bowling, she would be a superstar. Once of the best parts of this weekend was watching her demolish all the adults at the game. She had never played the game before and she has only been bowling once in her life. Her highest score of the weekend was a 211. Craziness..
She is a bit of a trash talker too. Sassy little girl.
I have a bit of a competitive family though. So, people played lots and lots of times in futile attempts to beat her. I think of the many games played, she only lost one or two. Provided hours of entertainment.
She is a bit of a trash talker too. Sassy little girl.
I have a bit of a competitive family though. So, people played lots and lots of times in futile attempts to beat her. I think of the many games played, she only lost one or two. Provided hours of entertainment.
Thanksgiving recap
It is Monday and back to the daily grind of work. I will admit that I feel like I need a bit of a break after this Thanksgiving break. It was a successful first hosting of the thanksgiving dinner, but boy was it tiring. 13 people, tons of food, two days of cooking....but over all good times.
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| My niece helping to mash the egg for the potato salad. |
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| Thanksgiving morning "breakfast" spread of bread, butter & cheese. |
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| My glorious niece in her Thanksgiving Dress. |
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| My first Turkey! It came out really good. |
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| Family - aunt, niece, sister, brother, stepfather & sister's friend. Mom and I don't really do pictures. |
Saturday, November 27, 2010
I stand...
Such a BUSY, BUSY 3.5 days. Cooking..family..Re-energizer...
I am ...tired. sore. fulfilled. proud. inspired. hopeful.
There has been so much to be joyful and thankful about. Right now, I am excited about going to sleep and not waking up to an alarm clock.
On that note, one of the amazing things about this weekend was a new CD of SLTP music and the below song was the first. It is "I Stand" by Idina Menzel...
I stand for the power to change. I live for the perfect day. I love til it hurts like crazy. I pray for a hero to save me. I stand for the strange and lonely. I believe there's a better place. I don't know if the sky is heaven but I pray anyway...
"I Stand"
When you ask me, who I am:
What is my vision? And do I have a plan?
Where is my strength? Have I nothing to say?
I hear the words in my head, but I push them away.
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.
And I don't know
What tomorrow brings
The road less traveled
Will it set us free?
Cause we are taking it slow,
These tiny legacies.
I don't try and change the world;
But what will you make of me?
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.
With the slightest of breezes
We fall just like leaves
As the rain washes us from the ground
We forget who we are
We can't see in the dark
And we quickly get lost in the crowd
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.
I am ...tired. sore. fulfilled. proud. inspired. hopeful.
There has been so much to be joyful and thankful about. Right now, I am excited about going to sleep and not waking up to an alarm clock.
On that note, one of the amazing things about this weekend was a new CD of SLTP music and the below song was the first. It is "I Stand" by Idina Menzel...
I stand for the power to change. I live for the perfect day. I love til it hurts like crazy. I pray for a hero to save me. I stand for the strange and lonely. I believe there's a better place. I don't know if the sky is heaven but I pray anyway...
"I Stand"
When you ask me, who I am:
What is my vision? And do I have a plan?
Where is my strength? Have I nothing to say?
I hear the words in my head, but I push them away.
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.
And I don't know
What tomorrow brings
The road less traveled
Will it set us free?
Cause we are taking it slow,
These tiny legacies.
I don't try and change the world;
But what will you make of me?
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.
With the slightest of breezes
We fall just like leaves
As the rain washes us from the ground
We forget who we are
We can't see in the dark
And we quickly get lost in the crowd
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Skipping School
This morning I got a call from my niece. My niece is 5 years old. This is her first year in kindergarten and she LOVES school. She had a fever and was sick and still wanted to go to school. There has been no moment that has made her think...hmmm...maybe I should skip school today.
UNTIL
this morning...
She called me and the conversation went like this...
Niece: Titi, I don't have to go to school today and we can go to New Hampshire now.
Me: No, you have to go to school and when school is over you can come to New Hampshire. Titi has to work today too.
Niece: Titi, we can pretend to be absent.
Me: (holding back laughter) No Nana, you have to go to school. I will see you later today after school.
Niece: (sigh) Okay Titi. Bye bye. I love you.
Me: Love you too.
And boy do I love her. :) Can't wait to see her. She should be here in 3 hours or so.
UNTIL
this morning...
She called me and the conversation went like this...
Niece: Titi, I don't have to go to school today and we can go to New Hampshire now.
Me: No, you have to go to school and when school is over you can come to New Hampshire. Titi has to work today too.
Niece: Titi, we can pretend to be absent.
Me: (holding back laughter) No Nana, you have to go to school. I will see you later today after school.
Niece: (sigh) Okay Titi. Bye bye. I love you.
Me: Love you too.
And boy do I love her. :) Can't wait to see her. She should be here in 3 hours or so.
Thanksgiving!
Okay, so my family will be here tonight for the Thanksgiving break. So many things to do. So many things to be joyful and thankful about.
I will have pictures of my first T-Day feast that I prepare and stories of the family visit.
On this Thanksgiving break, I am thankful for:
I will have pictures of my first T-Day feast that I prepare and stories of the family visit.
On this Thanksgiving break, I am thankful for:
- this bog
- my students
- the little, unexpected and hilarious moments
- Gilmore Girls
- Glee
- SLTP - Can't wait until Saturday!
- Ovens big enough to cook a turkey and a ham
- Days with no meetings
- my family of birth
- scarves
- reusable grocery bags
- vacuums
- books & libraries
- youtube.com
- Elixir
- pinky swears
- holiday music & holiday decorations
- internet radio
- cute shoes
- knowing that people care
- my BFF & family of choice
- forgiveness
- love
I am truly blessed to have the amazing people I have in my life. It sometimes feels lonely in my everyday life but then I remember that my deepest connections are often to people that live far from where I am. I am thankful to be doing work that is fulfilling and gives me deep satisfaction. I am blessed to have a roof over my head, food in my fridge and a few extra bucks to buy a drink at the bar. I am deeply grateful for the care and love I have received over the years of my life, particularly this year.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Little Mermaid
One of my favorite movies (animated or not) is Little Mermaid. Here is a clip that I found today on a friend's blog of the song "Part of your World" in Dutch. It has the dutch and english subtitles. The words to this version are incredible. I have never really thought about how the words would need to be changed to keep the idea of the song but to meet the tune as well. That translation must be very complicated. They seem to mostly get it - although there are some strange phrases. I do appreciate that they use the word rebuke.
Enjoy
Enjoy
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Chores
There is quiet joy in a task accomplished. This is part of the reason I love get-to lists. I didn't have a super productive weekend but the things I did accomplish make me happy.
- Shopping for T-day dinner 85% completed
- Letters to friends written
- Laundry done and laundry put away - this is an impressive task.
Friday, November 19, 2010
This I believe... (the book)
I just finished reading the book "This I Believe".
This a compilation of the NPR statements by all kinds of people. I have never actually heard the NPR show - which I know makes me a heathen in some people's minds. A few entries ago, I wrote my own belief list that I have been carrying around with me for a few years.
The statements of belief in the book are really powerful. As I have said before, sometimes we find reminders of what we are hoping for, right when we need them. On the two month anniversary of the start of this blog and journey, as my heart and passion have been shaken and tested...this book and the statements in it, came at exactly the right time.
"I believe in being a good friend, lover and parent so that I can have good friends, lovers and children. I believe in being a woman - the best that I can be, like my mama said." -Phyllis Allen
"Give, give, give - what is the point of having experience, knowledge, or talent if I don't give it away? Of having stories if I don't tell them to others? Of having wealth if I don't share it? I don't intend to be cremated with any of it! It is in giving that I connect with others, with the world, and with the divine." - Isabel Allende
"I believe it is important to recognize and appreciate joy when you feel it. Every once in a while, and not just on special occasions, I've suddenly realized that I am truly happy right now. This is a precious experience, one to savor." - Elizabeth Deutsch Earle
"I believe that families are not only blood relatives but sometimes just people that show up and love you when no one else will." - Cecile Gilmer
"I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same." - Martha Graham
"Presence is a noun, not a verb; it is a state of being, not doing. States of being are not highly valued in a culture that places a high priority on doing. Yet, true presence or "being with" another person carries with it a silent power - to bear witness to a passage, to help carry an emotional burden, or to begin a healing process. in it, there is an intimate connection with another that is perhaps too seldom felt in a society that strives for ever-faster 'connectivity'." - Debbie Hall
"I believe in the ingredients of love, the elements from which it is made. I believe in love's humble, practical components and their combined power." - Jackie Lantry
"I believe in the absolute and unlimited liberty of reading. I believe in wandering through the stacks and picking out the first thing that strikes me. I believe in choosing books based on the dust jacket. I believe in reading books because others dislike them or find them dangerous. I believe in choosing the hardest book imaginable. I believe in reading up on what others say about this difficult book, and then making up my own mind." - Rick Moody
"Action is what separates a belief from an opinion. Beliefs are imprinted through actions." - Eboo Patel
"I believe we are more than the inhabitants of our cubicles, more than engineers or even parents, husbands and wives. I believe we are transformed and connected by the power and beauty of our creativity." - Mel Rushnov
"I believe that like sunshine and great sex, no day is bad that has barbecue in it." - Jason Sheehan
"I believe in the pursuit of happiness. Not its attainment, nor its final destination, but its pursuit. I believe in the journey, not the arrival; in conversation, not monologues; in multiple questions rather than any single answer. I believe in the struggle to remake ourselves and challenge each other in the spirit of eternal forgiveness, in the awareness that none of us knows for sure what happiness truly is, but each of us knows the imperative to keep searching. I believe in the possibility of surprising joy, of serenity through pain, of homecoming through exile." - Andrew Sullivan
"I believe in both my right and my responsibility to work to create a world that doesn't glorify violence and war, but where we seek different solutions to our common problems. I believe that these days, daring to voice your opinion, daring to find out information from a variety of sources, can be an act of courage. ... I believe that words are easy. I believe that truth is told in the actions we take. And I believe that if enough ordinary people back up our desire for a better world with action, we can, in fact, accomplish absolutely extraordinary things." - Jody Williams
This a compilation of the NPR statements by all kinds of people. I have never actually heard the NPR show - which I know makes me a heathen in some people's minds. A few entries ago, I wrote my own belief list that I have been carrying around with me for a few years.
The statements of belief in the book are really powerful. As I have said before, sometimes we find reminders of what we are hoping for, right when we need them. On the two month anniversary of the start of this blog and journey, as my heart and passion have been shaken and tested...this book and the statements in it, came at exactly the right time.
"I believe in being a good friend, lover and parent so that I can have good friends, lovers and children. I believe in being a woman - the best that I can be, like my mama said." -Phyllis Allen
"Give, give, give - what is the point of having experience, knowledge, or talent if I don't give it away? Of having stories if I don't tell them to others? Of having wealth if I don't share it? I don't intend to be cremated with any of it! It is in giving that I connect with others, with the world, and with the divine." - Isabel Allende
"I believe it is important to recognize and appreciate joy when you feel it. Every once in a while, and not just on special occasions, I've suddenly realized that I am truly happy right now. This is a precious experience, one to savor." - Elizabeth Deutsch Earle
"I believe that families are not only blood relatives but sometimes just people that show up and love you when no one else will." - Cecile Gilmer
"I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same." - Martha Graham
"Presence is a noun, not a verb; it is a state of being, not doing. States of being are not highly valued in a culture that places a high priority on doing. Yet, true presence or "being with" another person carries with it a silent power - to bear witness to a passage, to help carry an emotional burden, or to begin a healing process. in it, there is an intimate connection with another that is perhaps too seldom felt in a society that strives for ever-faster 'connectivity'." - Debbie Hall
"I believe in the ingredients of love, the elements from which it is made. I believe in love's humble, practical components and their combined power." - Jackie Lantry
"I believe in the absolute and unlimited liberty of reading. I believe in wandering through the stacks and picking out the first thing that strikes me. I believe in choosing books based on the dust jacket. I believe in reading books because others dislike them or find them dangerous. I believe in choosing the hardest book imaginable. I believe in reading up on what others say about this difficult book, and then making up my own mind." - Rick Moody
"Action is what separates a belief from an opinion. Beliefs are imprinted through actions." - Eboo Patel
"I believe we are more than the inhabitants of our cubicles, more than engineers or even parents, husbands and wives. I believe we are transformed and connected by the power and beauty of our creativity." - Mel Rushnov
"I believe that like sunshine and great sex, no day is bad that has barbecue in it." - Jason Sheehan
"I believe in the pursuit of happiness. Not its attainment, nor its final destination, but its pursuit. I believe in the journey, not the arrival; in conversation, not monologues; in multiple questions rather than any single answer. I believe in the struggle to remake ourselves and challenge each other in the spirit of eternal forgiveness, in the awareness that none of us knows for sure what happiness truly is, but each of us knows the imperative to keep searching. I believe in the possibility of surprising joy, of serenity through pain, of homecoming through exile." - Andrew Sullivan
"I believe in both my right and my responsibility to work to create a world that doesn't glorify violence and war, but where we seek different solutions to our common problems. I believe that these days, daring to voice your opinion, daring to find out information from a variety of sources, can be an act of courage. ... I believe that words are easy. I believe that truth is told in the actions we take. And I believe that if enough ordinary people back up our desire for a better world with action, we can, in fact, accomplish absolutely extraordinary things." - Jody Williams
Being heard
Today I was heard. I spoke and someone that cared about me listened. They listened. They asked. They stayed long enough to hear the full answer. Today I trusted long enough to say my piece and to try and be understood. Today a friend showed me how very much he cares by taking the time to ask the important questions.
Today was a good day.
Today was a good day.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Pinky Swears
The pinky swear is a sacred thing between two friends. It can not be used lightly or frivolously. Nor can it be broken once sworn. This simple hook of the pinky between friends secures a lasting commitment.
My BFF and I take the pinky swear very seriously. We don't whip out the pinky for any situation. Today my BFF requested a pinky swear from me for something very important. He asked that I be honest about something that I don't EVER really talk about.
The timing was completely awkward because we were sitting at a bar. The approach to the conversation was not gentle. Regardless, it came from a place of deep love and care for me.
I hesitated. He asked for a pinky swear. If I was going to pinky swear then I intended to talk. I'm not very good with the sharing sometimes.
I thought. I mulled. I processed. Then I reached out with my pinky and I closed the pinky-swear.
One of the great and amazing things about my friendship with my BFF is that we both know that the other person is doing the best they possibly can to be the best possible friend. As Garth Brooks says, he may not be big on social graces, but he has the biggest and most amazing heart. His capacity to care is just tremendous. I trust him completely, which is huge for me.
To friendship and many more years of pinky swears
My BFF and I take the pinky swear very seriously. We don't whip out the pinky for any situation. Today my BFF requested a pinky swear from me for something very important. He asked that I be honest about something that I don't EVER really talk about.
The timing was completely awkward because we were sitting at a bar. The approach to the conversation was not gentle. Regardless, it came from a place of deep love and care for me.
I hesitated. He asked for a pinky swear. If I was going to pinky swear then I intended to talk. I'm not very good with the sharing sometimes.
I thought. I mulled. I processed. Then I reached out with my pinky and I closed the pinky-swear.
One of the great and amazing things about my friendship with my BFF is that we both know that the other person is doing the best they possibly can to be the best possible friend. As Garth Brooks says, he may not be big on social graces, but he has the biggest and most amazing heart. His capacity to care is just tremendous. I trust him completely, which is huge for me.
To friendship and many more years of pinky swears
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
It is only 8:28am....
and here are the great things about today so far.
- It is rainy outside. Doesn't sound great. But I like the rain.
- Yellow - I am wearing yellow. First, I look pretty nice in yellow. More importantly, it makes me feel nice. yay to yellow!
- Chobani Greek Yogurt - delicious, raspberry-flavored. Um...yum!
- exercise - day 2 of waking up and exercising. It always makes me feel better during the day but sometimes I just want to stay curled up in my bed.
- Hilarious phone message from my long-time friend DRN. He and I have been friends for what seems like 4-evah, since our first year of college in the "new dorms" of East Wheelock. (note: this makes us very old because EW is no longer new)
- The songs "teenage dreams" and "Forget you" sung by the cast of Glee - Is it wrong that I like them more than the originals.
- Ceiling fans - when it is too cold to open the window but too dang hot in the office, the ceiling fan regulates the temperature
- Seeing my BFF first thing in the morning. I usually see him at least once a day - but rarely is he the first person I see. It adds a special joy to the day when the first person you see is someone you love so dearly and loves you. yay to friendship.
And now it is 8:35am. I have had my yogurt and cup of coffee and it is time to get down to business.
Board games!
I love board games. I have for as long as I can remember. Growing up we didn't necessarily have a lot of stuff, but we always had games. From Candy Land and Chutes & Ladders to Sorry and Trouble to Trivial Pursuit and Pictionary - games were a huge part of my childhood. I wonder why I don't play them more often these days....
Hmm...Maybe I should organize a game night? New favorite games of my adult life Boggle and Bananagrams. :)
That said, I ran across this picture on another blog. I agree with the author, I adore books and want a giant library full of them....but this would be pretty damn cool too.
Hmm...Maybe I should organize a game night? New favorite games of my adult life Boggle and Bananagrams. :)
That said, I ran across this picture on another blog. I agree with the author, I adore books and want a giant library full of them....but this would be pretty damn cool too.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
If at first you stall...refocus on others
I have hit my stalling point. This is the point in any endeavor I undertake where I (1) get bored; (2) get scared/anxious; (3) freak out; or (4) get "busy". I have also been known to get any number of those in combination. When this happens, I stall... I am hitting this point with the blog.
So I have run through the categories. First, am I bored? The answer is no. I actually really enjoy writing the blog. I like going back and reading some of my other posts. I am enjoying it and not bored. Okay, one eliminated - unfortunately it was the easiest of the four to admit to and to get deal with.
Second, am I "too" busy? Well, sure I am certainly busy at work..but...the answer to this one is also no. I can find a couple of minutes every day to write something. Dangnabit...the second easiest one is eliminated.
Am I scared/anxious? Am I freaked out? Well, the answer to this question is YES! Like I said in a previous post - i have issues like tissues. LOL
So, while I figure that out...I am refocusing my joy away from myself and on the people around me. I have some incredible people in my life that are doing amazing things. I am very proud of them. I am proud to call them friend.
So I have run through the categories. First, am I bored? The answer is no. I actually really enjoy writing the blog. I like going back and reading some of my other posts. I am enjoying it and not bored. Okay, one eliminated - unfortunately it was the easiest of the four to admit to and to get deal with.
Second, am I "too" busy? Well, sure I am certainly busy at work..but...the answer to this one is also no. I can find a couple of minutes every day to write something. Dangnabit...the second easiest one is eliminated.
Am I scared/anxious? Am I freaked out? Well, the answer to this question is YES! Like I said in a previous post - i have issues like tissues. LOL
So, while I figure that out...I am refocusing my joy away from myself and on the people around me. I have some incredible people in my life that are doing amazing things. I am very proud of them. I am proud to call them friend.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Issues like tissues....
Issues...I have them...If I let them, they can stop me in my tracks and I will be immobilized for a while as I try to push through them. I have learned tricks over the years to help me dig out of my own dwelling...
I am thankful for the following things:
1) the patience of my friends, particularly my BFF - to answer questions calmly, to reassure me that I'm not crazy, to hug me when I need it, to listen to me dissect a problem/conversation/issue until it is in little bitty pieces, to recognize my issues and my insecurities and love me still, to laugh at me when I need to be laughed at...and so many other reasons.
2) my chest of goodies - I have a small chest that is full of little scraps of joy. Magic notes from camp. Cards/letters from friends. Mementos of moments in my life.
3) the library - yesterday I wandered through the public library and ran my hands over the bindings of hundreds of books. I picked up books that I had read many times before and flipped through them and remembered their stories, the characters, the lives of the book itself. I checked out three books for myself.
4) books - they can transport you to another time. Books for me allow me to reflect and to refine my own points of view. They take me out of myself in order to better understand myself. The stories and characters remind of so many things but the very books themselves remind me of moments of time. The books themselves have their own stories. Some of my books have travelled with me since I was a young girl. Some are newer acquisitions. They had a life before they reached my hands and will have a life after they leave my hands. I adore books.
5) sleep - sometimes I just need to sleep it off and in the morning things are brighter
6) tears - and sometimes I need to cry it out. Tears seem like a strange thing to be thankful for but I am thankful that I am able to release my emotions. I am a crier...I cry. It took me a long time to be okay with it. When I am happy, sad, lonely, moved, angry...all kinds of emotions illicit tears...I have learned to let them come freely most of the time now.
In a strange way I am even thankful for my issues...they are part of who I am and part of my story.
I am thankful for the following things:
1) the patience of my friends, particularly my BFF - to answer questions calmly, to reassure me that I'm not crazy, to hug me when I need it, to listen to me dissect a problem/conversation/issue until it is in little bitty pieces, to recognize my issues and my insecurities and love me still, to laugh at me when I need to be laughed at...and so many other reasons.
2) my chest of goodies - I have a small chest that is full of little scraps of joy. Magic notes from camp. Cards/letters from friends. Mementos of moments in my life.
3) the library - yesterday I wandered through the public library and ran my hands over the bindings of hundreds of books. I picked up books that I had read many times before and flipped through them and remembered their stories, the characters, the lives of the book itself. I checked out three books for myself.
4) books - they can transport you to another time. Books for me allow me to reflect and to refine my own points of view. They take me out of myself in order to better understand myself. The stories and characters remind of so many things but the very books themselves remind me of moments of time. The books themselves have their own stories. Some of my books have travelled with me since I was a young girl. Some are newer acquisitions. They had a life before they reached my hands and will have a life after they leave my hands. I adore books.
5) sleep - sometimes I just need to sleep it off and in the morning things are brighter
6) tears - and sometimes I need to cry it out. Tears seem like a strange thing to be thankful for but I am thankful that I am able to release my emotions. I am a crier...I cry. It took me a long time to be okay with it. When I am happy, sad, lonely, moved, angry...all kinds of emotions illicit tears...I have learned to let them come freely most of the time now.
In a strange way I am even thankful for my issues...they are part of who I am and part of my story.
Twisted sense of humor
Sometimes I find that my sense of humor is really twisted. I was reading my dear friend JF's blog and she had a link to euphemisms for menstruation. Of course I clicked on, who can resist a link to something called a "Menstruationary".
These euphemisms are making me laugh really hard. I love euphemisms. I think it is hilarious the number of ways we, as human beings, will come up with to say things that make us uncomfortable. Instead of saying sex or penis or menstruation, we will come up with eight million ways to say these things that are more awkward, often offensive and mostly gross.
Still...my twisted sense of humor finds them hilarious.
These euphemisms are making me laugh really hard. I love euphemisms. I think it is hilarious the number of ways we, as human beings, will come up with to say things that make us uncomfortable. Instead of saying sex or penis or menstruation, we will come up with eight million ways to say these things that are more awkward, often offensive and mostly gross.
Still...my twisted sense of humor finds them hilarious.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
JEM!
Oh my goodness. There are days when I feel very old talking to students. Today I mentioned Jem and the Holograms and no one knew what I was talking about. One of my students was telling me about the fact that she wakes up in the morning and thinks, "today I'll be Biker Barbie." Her statement made me think of Jem and a song she used to sing called "Mood I'm In".
I used to own Jem's music on tape and would listen to them all the time. I adored Jem. I liked her computer Synergy. I liked that Jem's boyfriend Rio had purple hair. I liked the rival band "The Misfits".
Jem was such a good show. When it comes to cartoons, I will admit that I have quite a nostalgia for the days of yore
ThunderCats
He-Man
The Snorks
OMG! I just thought of the Wuzzles. I adored the Wuzzles...It was an obscure and random show but I loved it and remember it fondly
holy crap! This just made me think of Zoobilee Zoo.
And of course, there was the classic Kids Incorporated...Martika, Fergie...that girl from that girl group "Wild orchids" or was it "Wild Horses" hmm...All from Kids Incorporated. Jennfer love Hewitt was on the show briefly..
Oh goodness..I could do this forever. I clearly digressed from cartoons...Such good memories from my younger years.
I used to own Jem's music on tape and would listen to them all the time. I adored Jem. I liked her computer Synergy. I liked that Jem's boyfriend Rio had purple hair. I liked the rival band "The Misfits".
Jem was such a good show. When it comes to cartoons, I will admit that I have quite a nostalgia for the days of yore
ThunderCats
He-Man
The Snorks
OMG! I just thought of the Wuzzles. I adored the Wuzzles...It was an obscure and random show but I loved it and remember it fondly
holy crap! This just made me think of Zoobilee Zoo.
And of course, there was the classic Kids Incorporated...Martika, Fergie...that girl from that girl group "Wild orchids" or was it "Wild Horses" hmm...All from Kids Incorporated. Jennfer love Hewitt was on the show briefly..
Oh goodness..I could do this forever. I clearly digressed from cartoons...Such good memories from my younger years.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
School pictures
What is it about school pictures that just makes us awkward looking?
I adore my niece. I think she is beautiful. I am curious where her upper lip went in this picture. My mother has a folder of school pictures that are a chronology of haircuts and clothing styles. They show my years of wearing hyper-color shirts, giant door-knocker earrings and lace bows in my hair. Then there is the year of the afro-mullet. Yes...I had a haircut worse than a regular mullet - an afro-mullet. Just awful awkward smiles and uncomfortable eye twitches. Clothes that were too itchy or too "cool".
School pictures are the a history of us trying to look our best and failing miserably.
And here is to my niece. I love you very much.
I adore my niece. I think she is beautiful. I am curious where her upper lip went in this picture. My mother has a folder of school pictures that are a chronology of haircuts and clothing styles. They show my years of wearing hyper-color shirts, giant door-knocker earrings and lace bows in my hair. Then there is the year of the afro-mullet. Yes...I had a haircut worse than a regular mullet - an afro-mullet. Just awful awkward smiles and uncomfortable eye twitches. Clothes that were too itchy or too "cool".
School pictures are the a history of us trying to look our best and failing miserably.
And here is to my niece. I love you very much.
Monday, November 8, 2010
When I Grow Up...
Ages ago when I lived in New York and worked in Rockefeller Plaza there was a "Rock the Vote" event in the plaza. During that event there was an incredible spoken word session that included a poet named Sekou (tha misfit). He performed a poem called "When I Grow Up" that has stuck with me for over 5 years. When I first heard the poem, it struck a chord with me immediately. In the last few months it has come back to mind again and again. The poem is about putting all of your passion, desire, fire, care, and self into whatever it is you are doing. It is about working from the heart and living from the heart. I knew it was something I aspired to years ago and continues to be so...
When I Grow Up – by Sekou (tha misfit)
Ask me now mommy.
Am I too late?
Ask me now what I want to do for a living.
Am I too late? Cause I think I finally figured it out
I don’t want to do for a living
I want to be for a living
I want to be life.
I want to make things grow, and move, and breath, and reproduce, and respond.
I just want to make things respond and react and rejoice and relax and relate and release and receive
as soon as I recite.
When I grow up,
I don’t want to be like those other kids mommy who want to be doctors and ballers and astronaughts.
I want to be passion, and heat and energy.
When I grow up,
I don’t want to be a fireman mommy, let me be the fire
The explosion behind the soul’s big bang theory that leaves in it’s place . . . desire
That burning within that gives life to the word “aspire”
Let me warm the cold souls of the despairing and heartless
Let me light the paths of those wandering in darkness
And provide children with their first definition of “hot”
And when the artists of the world have become so infatuated with ice that the whole world freezes over,
Let me be the poet that melts the ice-caps, drowns the planet, and starts this world over -
2 poets at a time like Noah. . .
When I grow up
I don’t want to be an astronaut mommy, I want to be the space that he explores -
Not the doctor mommy, let me be the cure.
The prescription for a better life . . .
the way through which the sick and the shut-in can find hope, health, happiness, and healing.
I want to be the pill of which they take two, and the call that is placed that next morning.
I want to be the white blood cell that strengthens the immune system,
the clot that stops the bleeding,
the antidote that counters the poison;
I want to speak antibiotic poetry that defeats your life’s viruses,
but only if you take my words in 3 times a day until the entire bottle is gone;
I want to be the perspective of the world through the eyes of an autistic child who is diagnosed with a sickness when in fact she merely sees the world with a clarity that the rest of us could only dream of having. . .
When I grow up
I don’t want to be a preacher mommy, I want to be the word
Not the artist mommy, I want to be the art
Not the painter, let me be the canvas
Not the choreographer, let me be the dances
Not the poet, let me be the stanzas
When I grow up
I don’t want to be a singer mommy, I want to be the sound!
The song you sing the way you sing it when you think aint nobody else around
When I grow up,
I don’t want to be a lawyer mommy I want to be justice.
Not the philosopher, but the philosophy that the brilliant minds try to follow,
Or the brilliance in those minds,
Or even the elusive concepts that they can’t quite figure out like
hope, purpose, faith . . . and time.
I wanna be time mommy!
So that the world will go to sleep every night feeling like they never got enough of me.
And will panic when they feel me slipping away.
Time! So that I will never feel this depression I feel now for being abandoned by it
Time! So that I will never again be before myself, never be out of myself,
Never be too late, never be too early,
So that for once in this life of unfulfilled dreams that have left my cheeks streaked from salt water erosion and my mouth pertpetually coated with the bitter aftertaste of disappointment,
for once I can be right on me!
When I grow up,
I want to be the antonym of void,
the antithesis of without,
the contradiction of silence,
the inverse of absence,
the reverse of regression,
the antilogy to emptiness,
the illumination of shadows,
the opposite of darkness . . .
I wanna be the opposite of darkness when I grow up mommy!
So that when the greatest poet in existence
recites the first line
of the greatest poem ever written
“let there be light”
. . . then I can begin.
When I Grow Up – by Sekou (tha misfit)
Ask me now mommy.
Am I too late?
Ask me now what I want to do for a living.
Am I too late? Cause I think I finally figured it out
I don’t want to do for a living
I want to be for a living
I want to be life.
I want to make things grow, and move, and breath, and reproduce, and respond.
I just want to make things respond and react and rejoice and relax and relate and release and receive
as soon as I recite.
When I grow up,
I don’t want to be like those other kids mommy who want to be doctors and ballers and astronaughts.
I want to be passion, and heat and energy.
When I grow up,
I don’t want to be a fireman mommy, let me be the fire
The explosion behind the soul’s big bang theory that leaves in it’s place . . . desire
That burning within that gives life to the word “aspire”
Let me warm the cold souls of the despairing and heartless
Let me light the paths of those wandering in darkness
And provide children with their first definition of “hot”
And when the artists of the world have become so infatuated with ice that the whole world freezes over,
Let me be the poet that melts the ice-caps, drowns the planet, and starts this world over -
2 poets at a time like Noah. . .
When I grow up
I don’t want to be an astronaut mommy, I want to be the space that he explores -
Not the doctor mommy, let me be the cure.
The prescription for a better life . . .
the way through which the sick and the shut-in can find hope, health, happiness, and healing.
I want to be the pill of which they take two, and the call that is placed that next morning.
I want to be the white blood cell that strengthens the immune system,
the clot that stops the bleeding,
the antidote that counters the poison;
I want to speak antibiotic poetry that defeats your life’s viruses,
but only if you take my words in 3 times a day until the entire bottle is gone;
I want to be the perspective of the world through the eyes of an autistic child who is diagnosed with a sickness when in fact she merely sees the world with a clarity that the rest of us could only dream of having. . .
When I grow up
I don’t want to be a preacher mommy, I want to be the word
Not the artist mommy, I want to be the art
Not the painter, let me be the canvas
Not the choreographer, let me be the dances
Not the poet, let me be the stanzas
When I grow up
I don’t want to be a singer mommy, I want to be the sound!
The song you sing the way you sing it when you think aint nobody else around
When I grow up,
I don’t want to be a lawyer mommy I want to be justice.
Not the philosopher, but the philosophy that the brilliant minds try to follow,
Or the brilliance in those minds,
Or even the elusive concepts that they can’t quite figure out like
hope, purpose, faith . . . and time.
I wanna be time mommy!
So that the world will go to sleep every night feeling like they never got enough of me.
And will panic when they feel me slipping away.
Time! So that I will never feel this depression I feel now for being abandoned by it
Time! So that I will never again be before myself, never be out of myself,
Never be too late, never be too early,
So that for once in this life of unfulfilled dreams that have left my cheeks streaked from salt water erosion and my mouth pertpetually coated with the bitter aftertaste of disappointment,
for once I can be right on me!
When I grow up,
I want to be the antonym of void,
the antithesis of without,
the contradiction of silence,
the inverse of absence,
the reverse of regression,
the antilogy to emptiness,
the illumination of shadows,
the opposite of darkness . . .
I wanna be the opposite of darkness when I grow up mommy!
So that when the greatest poet in existence
recites the first line
of the greatest poem ever written
“let there be light”
. . . then I can begin.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Healthy mind, healthy body
I have discovered that when my head is all out of whack, then everything else in my life is too. When I am sucked into a negative vortex, then I stop taking care of my house, my body, my relationships. In those moments it takes all of my energy to get basic daily life done. In those moments, I tend to focus on tasks. I focus on getting work done. What I am unable to do is focus on me...when really in those moments I should be focusing on me and then I would be better able to take care of everything else.
This blog has been vital in re-centering me. It was the first and very important step for me to start taking care of myself. I always tell my students that they can't take care of other people unless they take care of themselves. I know that I am better able to focus, to help people and to be in a frame of mind to think clearly when I am taking care of myself. I know that it is not selfish to do so and that taking care of myself is the first step to taking care of others. I know all of these things intellectually but I have always had a hard time living my life that way.
The act of writing one thing (or 5) that brought me joy in a given day has been important for me. It has allowed me to focus on my life. It has allowed me to breathe in happiness. It has helped me start taking care of myself physically - exercise, eating better, clean apartment. All of these things help me feel secure and safe in my own life and in my own presence. Every day I take a teeny tiny baby step towards being more comfortable in my own skin, in my own mind and in my own company.
I didn't think this blog would be such hard work for me. It started as a whim. A momentary idea that flitted through my head. It has turned into a journey for me. It is allowing me to share parts of myself with strangers when I usually keep most things tucked away. It is inviting myself into my own life. While I know that there are other people reading this, the main audience for this blog remains me. I write everyday for myself. (Although I am glad to have whoever is reading along for the ride)
It is helping me to love myself in a way that I haven't in a long time.
This blog has been vital in re-centering me. It was the first and very important step for me to start taking care of myself. I always tell my students that they can't take care of other people unless they take care of themselves. I know that I am better able to focus, to help people and to be in a frame of mind to think clearly when I am taking care of myself. I know that it is not selfish to do so and that taking care of myself is the first step to taking care of others. I know all of these things intellectually but I have always had a hard time living my life that way.
The act of writing one thing (or 5) that brought me joy in a given day has been important for me. It has allowed me to focus on my life. It has allowed me to breathe in happiness. It has helped me start taking care of myself physically - exercise, eating better, clean apartment. All of these things help me feel secure and safe in my own life and in my own presence. Every day I take a teeny tiny baby step towards being more comfortable in my own skin, in my own mind and in my own company.
I didn't think this blog would be such hard work for me. It started as a whim. A momentary idea that flitted through my head. It has turned into a journey for me. It is allowing me to share parts of myself with strangers when I usually keep most things tucked away. It is inviting myself into my own life. While I know that there are other people reading this, the main audience for this blog remains me. I write everyday for myself. (Although I am glad to have whoever is reading along for the ride)
It is helping me to love myself in a way that I haven't in a long time.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
November means
that I can start listening to holiday music without being mocked a lot. Until Thanksgiving, there will be holiday naysayers BUT I don't care.
I love this time of year. I love holiday music. I love Dean Martin crooning Baby, Its cold outside to Doris Day. There is nothing quite like Bing Crosby singing White Christmas. Eartha Kitt as she purrs Santa Baby. Little Michael Jackson as he catches Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Contemporary classics like All I want for Christmas is you, Grandma Got run over by a Reindeer....And of course the always crowd favorite The Chipmunks singing Don't be Late....
I love holiday specials on television. I love christmas lights twinkling. I like the sparkles. I like the crisp air. I light that main streets across the country put up giant lit bows and wrap their lampposts with garland. I love Christmas trees and sugar cookies. I like holiday decorations and pine scents. I love Santa Claus and rudolph. I love hanging stockings.
November 1 thru January 6 make me very happy!
I love this time of year. I love holiday music. I love Dean Martin crooning Baby, Its cold outside to Doris Day. There is nothing quite like Bing Crosby singing White Christmas. Eartha Kitt as she purrs Santa Baby. Little Michael Jackson as he catches Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Contemporary classics like All I want for Christmas is you, Grandma Got run over by a Reindeer....And of course the always crowd favorite The Chipmunks singing Don't be Late....
I love holiday specials on television. I love christmas lights twinkling. I like the sparkles. I like the crisp air. I light that main streets across the country put up giant lit bows and wrap their lampposts with garland. I love Christmas trees and sugar cookies. I like holiday decorations and pine scents. I love Santa Claus and rudolph. I love hanging stockings.
November 1 thru January 6 make me very happy!
I'm hosting
Thanksgiving this year! yay!
I got the phone call from my mom this morning confirming that the family is on their way up to Hanover for Thanksgiving deliciousness.
I am not sure why I am excited about this, but for some reason it makes me happy. I wonder if i will feel the same after they have been here. The other funny thing about this is that I can't actually host ANYONE at my own house, I mean I can barely fit 4 people in my apartment, so I am hosting Thanksgiving at my BFF's house. He's won't be here and he has such a lovely kitchen.
woo-hoo for thanksgiving & a generous friend with a lovely home.
I got the phone call from my mom this morning confirming that the family is on their way up to Hanover for Thanksgiving deliciousness.
I am not sure why I am excited about this, but for some reason it makes me happy. I wonder if i will feel the same after they have been here. The other funny thing about this is that I can't actually host ANYONE at my own house, I mean I can barely fit 4 people in my apartment, so I am hosting Thanksgiving at my BFF's house. He's won't be here and he has such a lovely kitchen.
woo-hoo for thanksgiving & a generous friend with a lovely home.
Friday, November 5, 2010
I may love the snuggie....but....
this is too much. Introducing the "Peekaru".
HAHAHA
Oh my goodness. It reminds me of the scene from Alien when the baby comes out of the guys chest. This is just absurd.
HAHAHA
Oh my goodness. It reminds me of the scene from Alien when the baby comes out of the guys chest. This is just absurd.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Day of laughter
My ab muscles hurt from laughing so hard today. So many hilarious things to laugh about...
Some of these things are unable to be shared on this blog but they are making me laugh out loud (literally) right now.
Here are the other things that have made me laugh today:
There were any number of other things that made me laugh today. I think I laughed non-stop all day. It is incredible to work in an office that works very hard but has a great time while we do it.
Some of these things are unable to be shared on this blog but they are making me laugh out loud (literally) right now.
Here are the other things that have made me laugh today:
- Cliches used in ways they were not intended to be used. Check out this cliche website
- Ellen Degeneres gets a phone call from Gladys - best quote "I love Jesus but I drink a little"
- Xtranormal video called "So you want to get a PhD in humanities". It is hilarious because it is partially true in some ways. LOL
There were any number of other things that made me laugh today. I think I laughed non-stop all day. It is incredible to work in an office that works very hard but has a great time while we do it.
Old journals
For some reason last night I decided to reread some old journals. They are incredible. First, I was super melodramatic at times. Some of the "drama" going on in my life back in the day makes me laugh a lot.
There is something incredible about old journals. They have all this history of things that I have forgotten. There are these moments in the journals that were so important in the moment but I don't actually remember those moments until I was triggered by reading it in the journal. Some of those thoughts consumed huge chunks of my time and energy and were so unproductive.
What is nice about looking back on the things I used to write is that I can actually see that in many substantial ways my life has changed and I have changed. For the most part, those changes are in good ways. It is nice to see evidence of growth. I like to see that I have been able top change patterns of crazy behavior. It is also interesting that there are some things that drove me crazy when I was 12 that still drive me crazy at 31 and will probably still make me nuts at 87. I also discovered that no matter what age I am much more angry when people that I love are mistreated than I do when I am mistreated.
There is something incredible about old journals. They have all this history of things that I have forgotten. There are these moments in the journals that were so important in the moment but I don't actually remember those moments until I was triggered by reading it in the journal. Some of those thoughts consumed huge chunks of my time and energy and were so unproductive.
What is nice about looking back on the things I used to write is that I can actually see that in many substantial ways my life has changed and I have changed. For the most part, those changes are in good ways. It is nice to see evidence of growth. I like to see that I have been able top change patterns of crazy behavior. It is also interesting that there are some things that drove me crazy when I was 12 that still drive me crazy at 31 and will probably still make me nuts at 87. I also discovered that no matter what age I am much more angry when people that I love are mistreated than I do when I am mistreated.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Twizzler straws
If you bit both ends of a twizzler off, it creates a straw that you can actually drink with. Awesome!
It makes me chuckle and makes me happy.
It makes me chuckle and makes me happy.
A good day...
Yesterday I had one of those days that was good just because it was good. There was nothing particularly amazing about the day. It was a day that was a beautifully cold autumn day. The air was crisp. There is this really beautiful tree that is still full of gorgeous richly colored red leaves. It is hat, gloves & scarf weather but I'm still able to get away without wearing a coat. I was happy to be at work and around my students. I enjoyed time with my friends. It was a "normal" day.
What is nice is that I am able to see it for what it was. There were lots of little moments that were funny or challenging or disappointing or strange but the sum total of the day was peaceful and shiny and comfortable and joyful.
It was a pretty damn good day.
What is nice is that I am able to see it for what it was. There were lots of little moments that were funny or challenging or disappointing or strange but the sum total of the day was peaceful and shiny and comfortable and joyful.
It was a pretty damn good day.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Student of the month
My niece has been selected student (or citizen) of the month in her class. She was so excited about it. My wonderful and fabulous niece is in kindergarten and she loves school. She bubbles over from the joy of being in class and learning things. It is so amazing to watch and to hear. I, of course, worry that she will lose this joy or hide her love of learning as she gets older but for now I revel in it and support her with it.
Love her!
Love her!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Grocery shopping
I love going to the grocery store and shopping. I like walking up and down the aisle. I like comparing prices. I like pushing my cart along. I like seeing what is on sale. I can spend hours in the grocery store.
For me, someone that has loads of food issues, I view the grocery store as a place that offers me hundreds and hundreds of opportunities to make good or bad choices.
The grocery store also reminds me of how very lucky I am to live where I live and have access to the resources available. Even when I lived in New York, the neighborhood I lived in didn't have a lot of grocery stores. It was difficult to have access to fresh fruit and vegetables. I am indeed lucky to be where I am.
For me, someone that has loads of food issues, I view the grocery store as a place that offers me hundreds and hundreds of opportunities to make good or bad choices.
The grocery store also reminds me of how very lucky I am to live where I live and have access to the resources available. Even when I lived in New York, the neighborhood I lived in didn't have a lot of grocery stores. It was difficult to have access to fresh fruit and vegetables. I am indeed lucky to be where I am.
Home-Coming
This weekend is homecoming weekend here at Dartmouth. It is a big deal around here. A giant wooden bonfire is built in the center of the green and then burnt down as the first-year class runs around it. It is very Lord of the Flies. All sorts of alums come back to campus for this weekend. For some alums it is a tradition that they share with their children. They watch this fire burn and go to the football game and return to this campus and feel as though they have come home.This is a strange weekend for me because as an alum the expectation would be that I am enthralled with this tradition and that I am eager and excited to see people that I haven't seen in over 10 years and didn't care all that much about. Or that I am eager to come "home" to Dartmouth. It was never true for me. When I left, I never felt this gravitational pull to return to my alma mater. In fact, it is still a strange experience for me that I am back here at all.
Working here, this weekend is chaos and hard work. Our office is responsible for building the giant wooden structure and getting the students organized. This weekend is also full of worry because sometimes students do stupid things and get into trouble. There is so much hoopla happening that I worry on big weekends.
What is nice though is that my former students come back and I get to see them. Our office hosts an alumni reception during this time where we invite our old students back to say hello and catch-up. I was able to see some of my favorite students. Students that are doing amazing things with their lives and that are working hard on discovering who they are outside of college and finding their place in this great big world. They give some of the best hugs and are beautiful reminders of why this work is so important. These are students that I worked with for years as they navigated through the many land-mines of young adulthood and the craziness of college. They are wonderful.
All this homecoming discussion has made me think about home and where I feel at home. It is strange that I actually call the Upper Valley home these days and I don't mean it ironically. I feel at home here. I have moved around so much in my life that I don't know if location actually has anything to do with home. I am at home here because I have been lucky enough to find people that I love and that care about me. This place is quickly filling with good memories that are replacing the negative ones from my days as a student. Working here at Dartmouth has allowed me to heal the person I was and find home.
I also have come to realize that I carry home around with me. Home is curled up with a glass of wine with my BFF. Home is my mom and my niece and the laughter. Home is SLTP and the Collis Center. Home is the satisfaction of a job well done. Home is karaoke and table one. Home is all of the joy, laughter, hope, tears and pain of life and a life well-lived.
A Clean House
I generally find that my house gets messier as my mind gets more cluttered. My house is now clean!
Clean house = decluttered mind.
At least in theory.
Regardless, it makes me happy that my house is clean.
Clean house = decluttered mind.
At least in theory.
Regardless, it makes me happy that my house is clean.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Warm Fuzzies...
Yesterday was a wonderful day of warm fuzzies...
I received an incredible email from a former student. She has been having some challenges and we spent some time on the phone discussing them. She sent me a beautiful email. She said:
I just wanted to thank you again for being in my life and for looking out for me.
There are so many people in my own life that do this for me. It is lovely and humbling to know that I have an impact on someone else's life. It is also a bit hard for me to manage. I get uncomfortable and squirrelly with compliments and thanks. Yet another thing I am working on being better about. I am thankful that I can be a part of her life and that she allows me to be a piece of her world. I feel eternally grateful for my students and the small role I get to play in their lives and the amazing lessons they teach me.
I got to see another SLTP friend. We had coffee. We laughed. We talked. We cared for each other. It was another reminder of the amazing connections and heart-lines that are in my life. These moments of meaningful connections. Times when we reach out to the people that matter to us and connect. In those moments are past shared experiences and future anticipated moments and the very precious present. Sometimes I am amazed at the number of people in my life that I see rarely and yet are so deeply connected to my life and who I am so genuinely happy to see. These people fill me with love and joy.
Last night I arrived home and checked my mail. In my mailbox was an envelope from the lovely SH and inside it was full of SLTP-style WARM FUZZIES! Thank you for the heart-touch.
I received an incredible email from a former student. She has been having some challenges and we spent some time on the phone discussing them. She sent me a beautiful email. She said:
I just wanted to thank you again for being in my life and for looking out for me.
There are so many people in my own life that do this for me. It is lovely and humbling to know that I have an impact on someone else's life. It is also a bit hard for me to manage. I get uncomfortable and squirrelly with compliments and thanks. Yet another thing I am working on being better about. I am thankful that I can be a part of her life and that she allows me to be a piece of her world. I feel eternally grateful for my students and the small role I get to play in their lives and the amazing lessons they teach me.
I got to see another SLTP friend. We had coffee. We laughed. We talked. We cared for each other. It was another reminder of the amazing connections and heart-lines that are in my life. These moments of meaningful connections. Times when we reach out to the people that matter to us and connect. In those moments are past shared experiences and future anticipated moments and the very precious present. Sometimes I am amazed at the number of people in my life that I see rarely and yet are so deeply connected to my life and who I am so genuinely happy to see. These people fill me with love and joy.
Last night I arrived home and checked my mail. In my mailbox was an envelope from the lovely SH and inside it was full of SLTP-style WARM FUZZIES! Thank you for the heart-touch.
Pondering...
I haven't posted since Monday night, not because of a lack of joy in my life or even because of a lack of time...I haven't posted because I have been questioning myself. This is not a new thing for me.
I have been wondering if this blog is a form of dishonesty in my life. Isn't that ridiculous? Everything I have posted has been true but I keep wondering am I "looking to hard for joy in my life". It is one of those moments of me getting in my own way. Actively seeking joy and happiness has really helped me feel better. I need to be okay with celebrating the joy because it doesn't mean that I am ignoring the unhappy moments or in a stage of denial but rather it is keeping me from dwelling on those negative moments.
Sometimes I need to just remind myself to get out of my own way...I deserve to have happiness and laughter and joy. Life includes all the ugly bits but there are so many really beautiful pieces too.
I have been wondering if this blog is a form of dishonesty in my life. Isn't that ridiculous? Everything I have posted has been true but I keep wondering am I "looking to hard for joy in my life". It is one of those moments of me getting in my own way. Actively seeking joy and happiness has really helped me feel better. I need to be okay with celebrating the joy because it doesn't mean that I am ignoring the unhappy moments or in a stage of denial but rather it is keeping me from dwelling on those negative moments.
Sometimes I need to just remind myself to get out of my own way...I deserve to have happiness and laughter and joy. Life includes all the ugly bits but there are so many really beautiful pieces too.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
OMG - Jesse Spano
My last post made me think of Jesse Spano from Saved by the Bell because Elizabeth Berkeley was in Showgirls and that made me think of my favorite Jesse Spano scene, in fact my favorite scene from Saved By the Bell. So I immediately needed to find it on you tube because I immediately needed to see it and enjoy it. Since I am wide awake, why shouldn't I?
I remember this scene so vividly from my childhood and it was so dramatic. I remember relating to Jesse Spano way to much. She always needed to be perfect and get good grades and make it all happen. I understood. My friend MdS and I would always re-enact this dramatic scene when things got a bit rough here in our adult loves. Ah, I loved the over-dramatized acting of 90s teenage drama/comedy. For some reason this also made me think of 90210 episode where they hold the rally to let Donna graduate. "Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!"
Ah, they don't make television like they used to....LOL
I remember this scene so vividly from my childhood and it was so dramatic. I remember relating to Jesse Spano way to much. She always needed to be perfect and get good grades and make it all happen. I understood. My friend MdS and I would always re-enact this dramatic scene when things got a bit rough here in our adult loves. Ah, I loved the over-dramatized acting of 90s teenage drama/comedy. For some reason this also made me think of 90210 episode where they hold the rally to let Donna graduate. "Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!"
Ah, they don't make television like they used to....LOL
"Awful" things that I love
Tonight I worked the Ke$ha concert sponsored by our programming board. Her concert was certainly entertaining. I don't have a gauge on how talented or not she is based on this concert BUT I do know that I really like her music. It is completely auto-tuned. The lyrics are questionable at best. Stepping back and observing myself singing along to EVERY lyric, I know that I should not enjoy it...and yet, I do. It is how I feel about a lot of pop music. I can't really articulate why I like it so much, I just do. This got me thinking about other "awful" things that I like. These are things that I have questioned my enjoyment of on many different levels - personally, professionally, culturally, sociologically, societally. I can articulate the reasons that perhaps enjoying the thing is "wrong" or "strange" yet I love it anyways. Some of the things I thought of were:
1) Slim Jims & other processed meats - I don't want to know what kind of meat is in these things. I really like slim jims. I enjoy Spam. I have eaten many sandwiches made from "potted ham". Vienna sausages are delicious. This could be a remnant left from childhood. The processed meats were cheap and filling, so we always had some on hand. Vienna sausages were a cheap stand in for breakfast sausages. Spam made excellent burgers and a can of potted ham could make a few sandwiches. While, my financial situation is somewhat better, I have never lost the taste for these processed meats regardless of the nutritional hazards. I also really enjoy those Macho Man Randy Savage commercials about Slim Jims - "step into a Slim Jim" - HAHAH
2) The movie Showgirls - I really shouldn't admit this in a public forum but sitting here in my apartment at 2:47am, the idea of the movie Showgirls is cracking me up. It is absolutely the worst movie ever created but really the best movie for that very reason. When I was a teenager my friends and I would watch this movie over and over and over again. Sometimes we would turn off the volume and we would make up our own dialogue. There are so many ridiculous scenes in the film. Poor Jesse Spano...this movie ruined her career
3) Trashy romance novels - Love them! They are predictable and gendered but I love them. I particularly love the ones set in Regency England. Give me a naughty lord and a randy duchess and I am hooked. There is something slightly more subtle about the romance novels set in regency england. I love a good double entendre and these books are full of them. While equally ridiculous to me it feels like there is a little more subtlety than in contemporary romance novels.
4) Pop culture tv shows - One of my secret desires has always been to be a commentator on one of those pop culture shows. I wanted to be on any number of the Vh1 shows - "I love the 80s, 90s, 00s....part 1 and part deux! or Greatest One Hit Wonders or Greatest celebrity quotes or Worst celebrity baby names (seriously Pilot Inspektor or Jermajesty). I wanted to be on these shows and wanted to say snarky comments. I still do... I would spend endless hours watching the marathons. Ah, one of the things I truly miss about not having cable television any more.
5) Food Network Challenge shows - I am obsessed with the pastry chef and their ability to design and decorate a cake, sugar sculpture or fruit tower in 8 hours. I love it. I am amazed at their talent. I think they are so creative. Admittedly, there is a small part of me that also wonders if they will be able to transport their masterpiece from the kitchen to the table without it breaking. Ah the suspense...the drama....the cake!
1) Slim Jims & other processed meats - I don't want to know what kind of meat is in these things. I really like slim jims. I enjoy Spam. I have eaten many sandwiches made from "potted ham". Vienna sausages are delicious. This could be a remnant left from childhood. The processed meats were cheap and filling, so we always had some on hand. Vienna sausages were a cheap stand in for breakfast sausages. Spam made excellent burgers and a can of potted ham could make a few sandwiches. While, my financial situation is somewhat better, I have never lost the taste for these processed meats regardless of the nutritional hazards. I also really enjoy those Macho Man Randy Savage commercials about Slim Jims - "step into a Slim Jim" - HAHAH
2) The movie Showgirls - I really shouldn't admit this in a public forum but sitting here in my apartment at 2:47am, the idea of the movie Showgirls is cracking me up. It is absolutely the worst movie ever created but really the best movie for that very reason. When I was a teenager my friends and I would watch this movie over and over and over again. Sometimes we would turn off the volume and we would make up our own dialogue. There are so many ridiculous scenes in the film. Poor Jesse Spano...this movie ruined her career
3) Trashy romance novels - Love them! They are predictable and gendered but I love them. I particularly love the ones set in Regency England. Give me a naughty lord and a randy duchess and I am hooked. There is something slightly more subtle about the romance novels set in regency england. I love a good double entendre and these books are full of them. While equally ridiculous to me it feels like there is a little more subtlety than in contemporary romance novels.
4) Pop culture tv shows - One of my secret desires has always been to be a commentator on one of those pop culture shows. I wanted to be on any number of the Vh1 shows - "I love the 80s, 90s, 00s....part 1 and part deux! or Greatest One Hit Wonders or Greatest celebrity quotes or Worst celebrity baby names (seriously Pilot Inspektor or Jermajesty). I wanted to be on these shows and wanted to say snarky comments. I still do... I would spend endless hours watching the marathons. Ah, one of the things I truly miss about not having cable television any more.
5) Food Network Challenge shows - I am obsessed with the pastry chef and their ability to design and decorate a cake, sugar sculpture or fruit tower in 8 hours. I love it. I am amazed at their talent. I think they are so creative. Admittedly, there is a small part of me that also wonders if they will be able to transport their masterpiece from the kitchen to the table without it breaking. Ah the suspense...the drama....the cake!
Monday, October 25, 2010
We do...
...love you in case you were wondering.
Those were the parting words of my wonderful visitors yesterday. Dr. J has known me since I was 13 years old. I was a sad and teased child that worked hard to keep the laughter on my face. He saw me clearly then and it was one of the first times that someone outside of family cared enough to really ask how I was and to listen to the answer - or to look beyond the surface and see more depth. Dr. J and the three lovely ladies that came up with him are such incredible lights. They give awesome hugs. They are hysterically hilarious. They share themselves unselfishly. I am lucky to have them in my life.
I forget sometimes, as Dr. J knows, that people love me. I think everyone does. It is easy to think that we are all alone in this world and that no one cares enough to see us clearly. It isn't true. Most days I know that I am loved and that I am lucky to have the people in my life that I have. I have people that fill my heart with joy and help make each day better. People that care about the world around them and that work tirelessly to make a difference in millions of small ways. I have people that give the best hugs. People that call at the right moment as though they heard my heart calling to them. People that stop and listen to the full answer when they ask "how are you".
I know all of this....sometimes, though, I need to be reminded. Sometimes it is nice to hear the words.
Thank you my lovely friends for reminding me in hundreds of ways that I am loved. I love you too.
Those were the parting words of my wonderful visitors yesterday. Dr. J has known me since I was 13 years old. I was a sad and teased child that worked hard to keep the laughter on my face. He saw me clearly then and it was one of the first times that someone outside of family cared enough to really ask how I was and to listen to the answer - or to look beyond the surface and see more depth. Dr. J and the three lovely ladies that came up with him are such incredible lights. They give awesome hugs. They are hysterically hilarious. They share themselves unselfishly. I am lucky to have them in my life.
I forget sometimes, as Dr. J knows, that people love me. I think everyone does. It is easy to think that we are all alone in this world and that no one cares enough to see us clearly. It isn't true. Most days I know that I am loved and that I am lucky to have the people in my life that I have. I have people that fill my heart with joy and help make each day better. People that care about the world around them and that work tirelessly to make a difference in millions of small ways. I have people that give the best hugs. People that call at the right moment as though they heard my heart calling to them. People that stop and listen to the full answer when they ask "how are you".
I know all of this....sometimes, though, I need to be reminded. Sometimes it is nice to hear the words.
Thank you my lovely friends for reminding me in hundreds of ways that I am loved. I love you too.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Cold Day/Warm Coffee
This morning is a yucky, gray blah morning. The kind of morning where all you want to do is curl up in a ball on the sofa wrapped in a warm blanket (or snuggie) and read or watch television or nap (or rotate all three) all day long.
This is that kind of morning. I am in the office attempting to get some stuff finished. I get more of the paperwork portion of my job done over the weekend then I could ever accomplish during the work week - too many interruptions, which are way more interesting, pressing and fun then paperwork. :)
So I am sitting here in my lovely office with a warm cup of coffee and michael buble playing. Maybe not as good a way to spend a disgusting Sunday as being on the couch, but still pretty good.
Now I'll work until my visitors come. :)
This is that kind of morning. I am in the office attempting to get some stuff finished. I get more of the paperwork portion of my job done over the weekend then I could ever accomplish during the work week - too many interruptions, which are way more interesting, pressing and fun then paperwork. :)
So I am sitting here in my lovely office with a warm cup of coffee and michael buble playing. Maybe not as good a way to spend a disgusting Sunday as being on the couch, but still pretty good.
Now I'll work until my visitors come. :)
Visitors!
Yay, There are SLTP visitors coming to town this week. The SLTP C-team is coming to visit today. They are bringing me my staff manual since I haven't been able to get down there to pick it up. Then later this week another LI will be in the area and we are going to have coffee or lunch or tea or something fabulous.
I like visitors.
I like visitors.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Hot air balloons
I wish I had my camera with me this morning.
Floating in a blue sky above a sea of golden trees was a beautiful multiple-colored hot air balloon. It was beautiful.
A mental picture will have to be enough.
Floating in a blue sky above a sea of golden trees was a beautiful multiple-colored hot air balloon. It was beautiful.
A mental picture will have to be enough.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Homage to my BFF
In my last entry I noted that i had to work very hard to not make this blog an homage to karaoke, my BFF and glee...
Well, today deserves an homage to my BFF.
Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, day...I woke up after barely sleeping in a foul and unhappy mood. When I am in a bad mood, I get irritable, snappy, grumpy, yucky, and other unfavorable dwarfs (is the plural of dwarf, dwarfs or dwarves? hmmm..). I can also become a bit weepy. Some of you may not know this about me because I work very hard to keep this less pleasant side hidden. I mostly do a good job. I attempt to avoid hitting innocent bystanders with unsavory pieces of shrapnel (did I use that word correctly?). So, when I am in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mood...my very dear BFF often bears the brunt of this unfortunate state of my being. Today was just such a day. In honor my wonderful BFF, I write this blog entry in homage to him and the wonderful things that make him my BFF...
Well, today deserves an homage to my BFF.
Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, day...I woke up after barely sleeping in a foul and unhappy mood. When I am in a bad mood, I get irritable, snappy, grumpy, yucky, and other unfavorable dwarfs (is the plural of dwarf, dwarfs or dwarves? hmmm..). I can also become a bit weepy. Some of you may not know this about me because I work very hard to keep this less pleasant side hidden. I mostly do a good job. I attempt to avoid hitting innocent bystanders with unsavory pieces of shrapnel (did I use that word correctly?). So, when I am in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mood...my very dear BFF often bears the brunt of this unfortunate state of my being. Today was just such a day. In honor my wonderful BFF, I write this blog entry in homage to him and the wonderful things that make him my BFF...
- he has impromptu dance parties with me
- he sends me hilarious jokes via email
- he lets me cry my eyes out, rant and rave, sit in silence
- he gives the best hugs and knows just how long they need to last to provide maximum hugging impact
- he knows me as well as anyone in the world and knows how I am feeling without me saying anything
- he has the patience of a saint because sometimes it takes me a LONG time to open up about things
- he is never afraid to give me a reality check when I need it and to say the difficult things that need to be said
- he sees all my bruised and damaged pieces and loves me because of those and not in spite of them
- he thinks my jokes are funny
- he loves music as much as I do
- he turns regular seemingly harmless lyrics into dirty lyrics (i find this endlessly entertaining)
- he is kind, caring, trustworthy, brilliant, fabulous
- he enjoys a good martini
- he and I can sit in silence or talk for hours
- he lets me be myself, even when that isn't so pretty
- he can turn a blah day into an incredible one
- he makes me laugh
- he likes to find the answers to things, whether they be profound or mundane (wikipedia & google are our friends)
- he is generous
- he is wonderful
I am so thankful to have him in my life and I could not ask for a better. best friend.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
One month check-in (delayed)
Holy Cow! So I started writing this blog one month ago today. That seems crazy to me.
So, I am officially checking-in with myself (and you all) about whether I feel like it is meeting my goals and objectives. I am doing some internal assessment...or reflecting on my reflection. That could turn into an endless cycle of reflecting there. But I digress...
*****************************************
I really digressed and had to save the blog entry and stop writing because I got wrapped up in other things. Then last night I wasn't feeling particularly joyful...lol...so didn't write. BUT...now I have had some sleep and can more properly reflect on my first month.
*****************************************
Here are my reflections:
1) I am noticing the things that make me smile or chuckle or feel good more now. It is way too easy to get sucked into the negative pieces of life. Don't get me wrong....I'm not a saint and the negative pieces still have major impact in my life and this past month has been full of moments of anger, sadness, anxiety, etc - the whole range of emotions. That being said
2) what this blog has done is allowed me to let go of those things and revel in the good. It has even helped me find the good in moments of challenge, instead of focusing on the bad. I remember this month as a good one, even though there were many moments of "blech". I remember it that way because this blog helped me take the time to notice and point out the ridiculous and not so ridiculous things in my life. This has led me
3) to the conclusion that I am extraordinarily boring! LOL! I will admit that I have had to be careful not to turn this into a blog that pays homage to karaoke, my BFF and Glee. HAHA. Looking at the last month of blogs, I noticed that the small things and mostly the ridiculous things have been the things that make me joyful. So one of the advantages of this blog
4) is a reminder to continue to make time for those things regardless of my schedule or my bad car karma or whatever. So I make sure I am at karaoke on Thursdays no matter what is going on or how tired I am. I schedule in time to read and respond to SLTP emails and engage in that dialogue. My BFF gets time no matter what is happening because time with him is some of my favorite time. And the Tuesday night GLEE watch is set in stone. Those things matter and I need to make time.
5) Finally, i am realizing that joy comes in many forms and feels differently in many situations. Whether it is the euphoric happiness of a tremendous moment, the quiet satisfaction of a job well done, the stomachache from shared laughter....or the million other ways it feels. Joy doesn't come in one package. It has been fun finding it in unexpected places and being able to share those moments.
I don't have any idea who is reading this. According to the stats on this blog there have been 1,078 views in the last month. That seems insane. AND people have been viewing from the US but also Canada, Singapore, the UK and South Africa. WTF?! That is insane and strange and cool. Whoever is reading this (friend or stranger), I appreciate you taking the moment out of your day to browse my thoughts.
So, I am officially checking-in with myself (and you all) about whether I feel like it is meeting my goals and objectives. I am doing some internal assessment...or reflecting on my reflection. That could turn into an endless cycle of reflecting there. But I digress...
*****************************************
I really digressed and had to save the blog entry and stop writing because I got wrapped up in other things. Then last night I wasn't feeling particularly joyful...lol...so didn't write. BUT...now I have had some sleep and can more properly reflect on my first month.
*****************************************
Here are my reflections:
1) I am noticing the things that make me smile or chuckle or feel good more now. It is way too easy to get sucked into the negative pieces of life. Don't get me wrong....I'm not a saint and the negative pieces still have major impact in my life and this past month has been full of moments of anger, sadness, anxiety, etc - the whole range of emotions. That being said
2) what this blog has done is allowed me to let go of those things and revel in the good. It has even helped me find the good in moments of challenge, instead of focusing on the bad. I remember this month as a good one, even though there were many moments of "blech". I remember it that way because this blog helped me take the time to notice and point out the ridiculous and not so ridiculous things in my life. This has led me
3) to the conclusion that I am extraordinarily boring! LOL! I will admit that I have had to be careful not to turn this into a blog that pays homage to karaoke, my BFF and Glee. HAHA. Looking at the last month of blogs, I noticed that the small things and mostly the ridiculous things have been the things that make me joyful. So one of the advantages of this blog
4) is a reminder to continue to make time for those things regardless of my schedule or my bad car karma or whatever. So I make sure I am at karaoke on Thursdays no matter what is going on or how tired I am. I schedule in time to read and respond to SLTP emails and engage in that dialogue. My BFF gets time no matter what is happening because time with him is some of my favorite time. And the Tuesday night GLEE watch is set in stone. Those things matter and I need to make time.
5) Finally, i am realizing that joy comes in many forms and feels differently in many situations. Whether it is the euphoric happiness of a tremendous moment, the quiet satisfaction of a job well done, the stomachache from shared laughter....or the million other ways it feels. Joy doesn't come in one package. It has been fun finding it in unexpected places and being able to share those moments.
I don't have any idea who is reading this. According to the stats on this blog there have been 1,078 views in the last month. That seems insane. AND people have been viewing from the US but also Canada, Singapore, the UK and South Africa. WTF?! That is insane and strange and cool. Whoever is reading this (friend or stranger), I appreciate you taking the moment out of your day to browse my thoughts.
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