Say what you need to say...

My BFF and I have had a long-term argument about John Mayer's song Say.   The question has always been do you "say what you need to say" when it might hurt someone else.  Or if it is coming from a place of anger or hurt.  I tend to err on the side of silence around saying what needs to be said.  I worry about my motives and my impact.  My BFF is more direct and clear about what he needs to say.  He declares that it isn't about saying what you want to say but about what needs to be said in the moment.

I have really been thinking about this concept a lot lately and think I am leaning more toward the side of my BFF.  I still think that I need to understand my motives for saying things that may cause pain or anxiety or have a negative impact but I think that sometimes it is inevitable.  Sometimes the fear that causes us not to ask for what we want, communicate our own pain, or express our own love locks us in a box and keeps us from forming real, deep, and meaningful connections with the people in our lives.

I have spent a lifetime building walls that protect my heart.  As I have gotten older I have start to allow people to chip down those walls a bit from the outside and I have started to chip at them from the inside.  Everytime I say what I need to say in a way that leaves me vulnerable, I take down one more brick from that wall.  Loving leaves us vulnerable and being vulnerable leaves us open to hurt.  That is the truth and it is scary.  It also requires me to trust myself more and to put trust in other people.  That is the biggest fear, right?  Not the fear that someone will hurt me but that I will have put my trust in the wrong person.  The fear that I will have been wrong and have made a bad decision.  That fear can keep me paralyzed forever.

Last night I made the decision to say what I need to say to people in my life.  I shared my feelings fully with someone last night and left my heart open.  It was absolutely frightening but once I did it, it was done and we talked, laughed and loved.  It was nice not having the truth sitting silently yet so loudly in my head.  I still am scared of the aftermath.  I'm scared of what happens next.  There are a couple of other conversations I need to have with people that I care deeply about because I want those friendships to thrive and I can't expect that to happen if I don't participate in the conversation.

One day at a time and facing one truth at a time.