Reunited....

and it feels so good... Ah, don't we all love a little Peaches & Herb...

Last night Karaoke & I reunited.  We hit a rough patch in our relationship.  It was bound to happen.  We had three solid years of bliss.  Every week we would meet up and we would enjoy each other's company.  I talked about it all the time and it was always on my mind.  Every Thursday, people knew that I would be involved in a meaningful relationship with a microphone and music.  I made lists of songs.  I made lists of songs for other people. 

I should have seen the moment of separation coming.  It was clearly marked.  All the signposts were there.  Haven't we all been in those relationships before?  They are so perfect and so important that we ignore the warning signs.  The last few months it just hadn't felt the same.  So many people had left the table.  LS, MdS, JH, TC...  Then the regulars from the Cave started to leave, Martin, Pierre, Koozy Man, etc...Then Cher was no longer KJ.  So much change.  It wasn't the same.  I still loved Karaoke...but we had started to grow apart.

It wasn't the experience that I had fallen in love with.  So of course, I pulled away.  I started making excuses not to be available on Thursday nights.  I stopped making lists. I was indecisive about what to sing and could tell I was only half-heartedly engaged.  Something had to be done.  I needed to either break up with Karaoke or I needed to find another way to reconnect.  I didn't want to lose this relationship  between me and the music...I wanted to find a way to make it work.

So I recruited new people to come to sing.  I found new things to love.  I have been working on getting to know the experience all over again.  And last night....success.  Karaoke was fantastic.  It was fun.  It was satisfying.  It left me energized.

Was it the same experience as before?  No.  But that is okay....we change, we grow, we evolve and that is true for all relationships.  It is worth the effort when it is something we love.  So, last night, karaoke and I reunited.  It was a blast.  There were new faces around the table and new songs and a guitar.  Thanks DS, JP, AC for an awesome evening.

Let's raise a glass to many more years of Karaoke fun!

Josiah, Amanda & I at karaoke!  Building a new karaoke adventure.  Picture taken by Dan!

Courage doesn't always roar.

I saw this post card today and it really resonated with me.  There is something so honest and courageous about taking stock of the day, accepting it for what it was and starting fresh in the morning.  It is challenging to let go of what was and start tomorrow with a commitment to being and doing better than the day before.  It is one of my personal goals to make each day better than the day before but I often get stuck in a cycle of yesterdays and find myself missing the now.   I often beat myself up over all the little things that went wrong or mistakes I made or things I should have done that I don't give myself the space to forgive myself and start again tomorrow.  I also don't give myself the space to remember that it is often worse in my own head than it was in reality.  Forgiving myself is the hardest thing I do but how important it is.  Admit, accept, grow and do better the next time.

MLK & Herman Boone

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. 

Judged not by the color of my skin...

There are lots of quotes floating around to commemorate this day and inspire us to remember MLK and remember his purpose.  The one that most resonates with me is:

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

How absolutely terrifying is that idea?  Being willing to step out on the edge and take that first step without assurance that there is a staircase (or anything really) to catch you.  Trusting in what you believe and following your passion and conviction fearlessly is something to be commended.  Additionally, this quote reminds me that celebrating the legacy of MLK is not the actions of one single day but a life time of steps.  Social justice is a process, a journey, not a destination.  There is always more learning and more work to do.

I was also lucky enough today to have dinner with Herman Boone.  Herman Boone was the coach of the Titans football team that the movie Remember the Titans was based on.  Denzel Washington played him in the movie.  Can you imagine having Denzel Washington play you in a movie?  I mean, that is just height of awesomeness.  Mr. Boone was at Dartmouth to do the keynote address for the MLK celebration.  I was invited along with a few of the students that I work closely with.  It was an incredible experience.  It truly felt like you were in the presence of greatness.  The students were awestruck.  He reminded us that the day and the work wasn't about the man, MLK, but about his vision and that it was our responsibility to ensure that the vision and dream that Martin Luther King so eloquently put forward was continued.  One of the students asked him if he ever wanted to quit because of fear for himself and his family.  Mr. Boone said yes.  He said there were many moments when he wanted to let go and leave it all behind.  He said he worried about his family and still does.  BUT he had to keep going.  He said he fell down many times and got back up.  He said it isn't the number of times that you fall that matters but how many times you get back up.   I truly am thankful that I am in a place in my life where I am given the opportunity to meet such incredible people and to be inspired by their words. 

One person can make a difference.

"It is up to us to make a difference.  It is up to us to care."  -The Jester Has Lost His Jingle

Have you heard of Pinterest?

Recently my friend AC sent me an invitation to a website called Pinterest.com and I have become obsessed with it.  It is essentially an online bulletin board of things that you love, like, want.  Things that you want to remember, share or buy.  Things that inspire you.  Things that you want to create or cook. 

It is great.  

It is my new favorite thing. 

lazy day movies

Today was kind of a lazy day - mostly because it is freezing cold outside.  There were some great movies on today.


Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium is one of my fave movies. I love it.  It is all about believing in yourself and the magic of imagination.  The quote of the day is from this movie.  Mr. Magorium tells Molly Mahoney: "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it."

I love that idea.  It is something I need to remember all the time.  This is my life and I need to always treat it as some special and I need to believe in myself. It reminds me of the quote from the movie The Holiday that goes, "You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life." I love the movie and that quote.   


The other movie I watched today is 500 Days of Summer.  I really enjoy this movie.  It is all about love, fate and the things that we can convince ourselves when we want love and companionship.

I especially enjoy the scene after Joseph Gordon-Levitt's first night with Summer (Zooey Deschanel).  She made his dreams come true....ooh...ooh.  Who hasn't walked around on cloud 9 the day after a great date or a good night. 

2012

Can you believe it is 2012?

I can't.  10 years ago I had just moved back to New York City.  In fact, I moved back on New Year's Eve.  For some reason I was obsessed with starting the new year in New York.  I moved in with DN and as the clock struck midnight, he and I were on a subway trying to get to Brooklyn for what was quite possibly one of the most boring parties I have ever been to.  Ah well...memories...

We are two weeks into the new year and it has already been a roller coaster ride.  Lots of emotions.

My two promises to myself this year:

1. Be Thankful - I want to count my blessings more than I dwell on pain, sadness or other negative emotions. 
2. Be Healthy - I don't really mean this in exercise and eat well state, although that is certainly part of it.  I mean financially, emotionally, mentally.  I believe that if I can do more things that make my soul, mind and pocketbook healthy - then it will be easier to do things that make my heart and body healthier.  

Raise a glass to what is bound to be an incredible 2012.

LiBloWriMo = FAIL

Wow, so my goal to write everyday in November was a total bust.  In all honestly, it has been a challenging month in general.  I've been wallowing in my own head and full of doubt, sadness, concern, loneliness, confusion, etc.

Sounds like a blast, doesn't it?  I think the amazing author at hyperbole and a half describes the feeling perfectly in her most recent post.

I did do some productive things this month that needed to be done.

1. I made an appointment with a doctor and had a physical exam.  This may seem routine but I really DISLIKE going to doctors.  I have had a slew of unpleasant and borderline hateful experiences in the doctor's office.  So, what do I do?  I avoid, avoid, avoid.  Not a good idea.  I do not suggest it.  I finally went to the doctor and I had a great experience.  I think it was such a great experience because I had an appointment with a nurse practitioner rather than a doctor.  They are generally so much more humane in their treatment of people.  I set up some goals with the doctor and have another 
2. I went to the dentist.  I actually like going to the dentist.  I mean, I don't enjoy getting my teeth cleaned but I like having clean teeth afterwards.  I have just gotten really bad about attending to my dental needs in the last few years.   
3. I took care of some other miscellaneous things.   I can't remember what they were but I remember feeling productive and like I accomplished something. 

November was a fleeting month.  I spent most of it either sad or angry.  I'm digging out of it.  The first step was going back to karaoke.  That sounds insane, doesn't it?  It is true.  Karaoke makes me feel good and it takes my mind off of work and other things.  It is a purely selfish act.  I do it because I love it.  It had lost some of its glitter since JH left but I think it was associated with so many people that I truly loved leaving.

I made some health decisions.  Watching my stepfather get sick over and over again is a reality check for me.  I know that I can't keep illness at bay but I can take better care of myself.  Thus the above mentioned doctor's appointments.  Baby steps on this front.  I'm trying to develop habits and not quick fixes.  I have been down this road before and when I try to change too much at one time I end up beating myself up and feeling like a failure.  I need to hold my perfectionist tendencies at bay on this one.  So far (1) no eating after 9pm; (2) Limited soda consumption; and (3) drinking more water. Those are going really well so far.  Next on the list (1) more fruits & veggies; (2) protein at every meal; and (3) reduce refined carbs.

I made some life decisions.  Choice is an important thing. 

November...working on ending the month on a high note.